Daniel Hardcastle

Hi Everyone, Mathew from Unbound here. Just in case you hadn't seen on his YouTube channel Dan has posted a little extract from the book to mark it hitting 1000% funding! Thanks for your support.

Hi Everyone, Mathew from Unbound here. Just in case you hadn't seen on his YouTube channel Dan has posted a little extract from the book to mark it hitting 1000% funding! Thanks for your support.

1000% UPDATE

Happy three year anniversary of the launch of Paradox Paradox! To celebrate, I'm going to rip my cast out of their lives early, destroy reality, and hope they put it back together before the full release. And away we go! *Sounds of a universe being destroyed, reality being erased, and a keyboard clattering to the ground ominously* ............. Kez found herself floating in an endless void. This was a bit of a surprise considering that moments ago she had been sitting in her dorm room, revising using the usual strategy of pounding energy drinks and crying over complicated textbooks. The void itself was white, featureless, and seriously void-y. It stretched out beyond Kez’s understanding and then some. If she had to describe its main feature, she’d probably go with just how featureless it was. A right bugger to navigate but wouldn’t wear your pencils down if you drew a picture of it. ‘Hello?’ she asked the nothing, hoping that something would reply. Nothing did. Aces, she thought, not to herself, but to her onboard, sentient AI. I’ve only gone and died. Six months of revision and I’ve copped it the day before the exam. Typical. Her AI didn’t reply. The man that had just formed into existence in front of her did. ‘Hello,’ said the old man over the computer console that was with him. ‘I’ll have you sorted in a moment.’ Kez observed the man, mostly because he was the only observable thing in her universe right now. She couldn’t quite work out if he was that old or that exhausted. Maybe both. The bags under his eyes had bags under them, fractaling down possibly forever. ‘I’m Osheen by the way,’ said the man. ‘Kez,’ replied Kez. ‘Theo,’ said Theo, causing Kez to jump. ‘Ah,’ said Osheen, looking very worried. ‘Now there are two of you.’ ‘Who’s the other one?’ asked Jack. ‘Me,’ said Eureka. ‘I think?’ Osheen’s console beeped gently, vibrated modestly, and exploded spectacularly. Then, quickly, it hadn’t. ‘Could you all float around to face me?’ Osheen asked the crowd. ‘We’ve only got a few minutes to sort this.’ ‘What’s going on?’ Jack asked, each hair of his neat beard wafting slightly in the lack of gravity. ‘Are we dead?’ ‘I thought we were dead too,’ said Kez, overshooting her rotation. ‘This has all the hallmarks of dead.’ ‘I can’t be dead!’ Eureka exclaimed, her zero-g training kicking into great effect. ‘My wife will kill me!’ ‘We’re not…’ Osheen began but stopped himself. Briefly, he tapped at his console. A green light lit up. He exhaled happily. ‘We’re not dead,’ he said. ‘I’ve just made a slight mistake with my time machine.’ ‘What did you do?’ Theo asked, winking at the camera. ‘Delete System32?’ The audience laughed. ‘Did anyone else here that?’ asked Eureka slowly. ‘Wrong spelling of “hear”,’ said Jack, the words falling out his mouth before he could understand exactly what he was saying. ‘Oh,’ said Eureka bashfully. ‘Thanks.’ ‘Oh, this is worse than I thought,’ Osheen said, jabbing at his console like a bubble wrap popping expert, mid-competition. ‘The time machine malfunction has caused a rip in the fabric of twenty-six-dimensional space. Meta radiation is pouring in through it!’ ‘Meta radiation?’ said Eureka in a panic. ‘Where?’ ‘It’s behind you!’ the group chanted. ‘Damn,’ said Osheen. ‘We haven’t got long left. Someone’s tampered with the timeline and we need to fix it.’ [1] ‘What can we do?’ asked Theo, shirtless for this one shot. ‘I can plot a course for us to get out of here,’ replied Osheen, leaning over his console. ‘Straight back through the hole the meta radiation left.’ ‘Plot. Hole,’ said Kez. ‘Got it.’ ‘All I need is one of you to let the radiation work through you,’ continued Osheen. ‘If you become engulfed in it, I can trace it’s trail back through the rift, and fix whatever caused the temporal discrepancy in the first place.’ ‘Sounds easy enough,’ said Kez. ‘I’ll do it.’ With that, Kez opened her arms wide, a bright light emanating from her as she stopped resisting the radiation. Comparisons with Christ are obvious and encouraged. ‘Happy three years since I undertook this stupid book,’ she said for some reason. ‘To celebrate I’m announcing that it’s coming out next year instead. I know, I know, I said back in February it was going to be this year, but it turns out that ten months isn’t long enough to launch a book, and it being twice the contracted length raises some logistical issues. Who knew? Anyway, best be going now, got to wrap this dumb story up before the joke wears thin. Paradox Paradox. 2023. Bye.’ ‘Found it!’ said Osheen. ‘For some reason my latest time travel experiment ricochet through the timeline and turned us all into saints!’ ‘Saints? Like, religious figures?’ asked Kez, her glow now dissipating. ‘How?’ ‘Never mind that,’ said Osheen. ‘The ripples in the timeline eventually destroyed reality. I must set it back.’ With that, he drew a gun from under his console. ‘You’re going to kill us!?’ gasped Jack dramatically enough to win an Emmy. ‘I can’t be killed!’ Eureka referenced back. ‘My wife will kill me!’ ‘I’m not going to kill you,’ said Osheen. ‘This is an un-canonizer. It’ll remove any chance of us ever becoming holy in the eyes of the catholic church.’ ‘Un-canonizer,’ said Theo, nudging Jack with his elbow. ‘I get it.’ ‘Get what?’ Jack asked. The audience laughed. This time they didn’t stop, their voices shaking all of the nothing in the closest five or six postcodes. ‘Brace yourselves,’ yelled Osheen over the tumult. ‘If this goes well, we’ll all be back where we started with no memory of this. It’ll be like it never happened.’ ‘What never happened?’ said Kez. With that, the group all laughed and pointed finger guns at Kez, before holding hands and singing the bit of kumbaya they could remember. Afterwards, Osheen fired, fixing everything incredibly neatly, and the author vowed to never write anything while high on vegetarian Haribo ever again. [1]‘Can you hear me?’ Jack asked. ‘I think I’ve turned into a footnote.’

Happy three year anniversary of the launch of Paradox Paradox! To celebrate, I'm going to rip my cast out of their lives early, destroy reality, and hope they put it back together before the full release.  
 
And away we go! 
 
*Sounds of a universe being destroyed, reality being erased, and a keyboard clattering to the ground ominously* 

.............

Kez found herself floating in an endless void. This was a bit of a surprise considering that moments ago she had been sitting in her dorm room, revising using the usual strategy of pounding energy drinks and crying over complicated textbooks.

The void itself was white, featureless, and seriously void-y. It stretched out beyond Kez’s understanding and then some. If she had to describe its main feature, she’d probably go with just how featureless it was. A right bugger to navigate but wouldn’t wear your pencils down if you drew a picture of it.

‘Hello?’ she asked the nothing, hoping that something would reply. Nothing did. 

Aces, she thought, not to herself, but to her onboard, sentient AI. I’ve only gone and died. Six months of revision and I’ve copped it the day before the exam. Typical.

Her AI didn’t reply. The man that had just formed into existence in front of her did.

‘Hello,’ said the old man over the computer console that was with him. ‘I’ll have you sorted in a moment.’

Kez observed the man, mostly because he was the only observable thing in her universe right now. She couldn’t quite work out if he was that old or that exhausted. Maybe both. The bags under his eyes had bags under them, fractaling down possibly forever. 

‘I’m Osheen by the way,’ said the man. 

‘Kez,’ replied Kez.

‘Theo,’ said Theo, causing Kez to jump.

‘Ah,’ said Osheen, looking very worried. ‘Now there are two of you.’

‘Who’s the other one?’ asked Jack.

‘Me,’ said Eureka. ‘I think?’

Osheen’s console beeped gently, vibrated modestly, and exploded spectacularly. Then, quickly, it hadn’t.

‘Could you all float around to face me?’ Osheen asked the crowd. ‘We’ve only got a few minutes to sort this.’

‘What’s going on?’ Jack asked, each hair of his neat beard wafting slightly in the lack of gravity. ‘Are we dead?’

‘I thought we were dead too,’ said Kez, overshooting her rotation. ‘This has all the hallmarks of dead.’

‘I can’t be dead!’ Eureka exclaimed, her zero-g training kicking into great effect. ‘My wife will kill me!’

‘We’re not…’ Osheen began but stopped himself. Briefly, he tapped at his console. A green light lit up. He exhaled happily.

‘We’re not dead,’ he said. ‘I’ve just made a slight mistake with my time machine.’

‘What did you do?’ Theo asked, winking at the camera. ‘Delete System32?’ 

The audience laughed. 

‘Did anyone else here that?’ asked Eureka slowly. 

‘Wrong spelling of “hear”,’ said Jack, the words falling out his mouth before he could understand exactly what he was saying.

‘Oh,’ said Eureka bashfully. ‘Thanks.’

‘Oh, this is worse than I thought,’ Osheen said, jabbing at his console like a bubble wrap popping expert, mid-competition. ‘The time machine malfunction has caused a rip in the fabric of twenty-six-dimensional space. Meta radiation is pouring in through it!’ 

‘Meta radiation?’ said Eureka in a panic. ‘Where?’

‘It’s behind you!’ the group chanted.

‘Damn,’ said Osheen. ‘We haven’t got long left. Someone’s tampered with the timeline and we need to fix it.’ [1]

‘What can we do?’ asked Theo, shirtless for this one shot.

‘I can plot a course for us to get out of here,’ replied Osheen, leaning over his console. ‘Straight back through the hole the meta radiation left.’

‘Plot. Hole,’ said Kez. ‘Got it.’

‘All I need is one of you to let the radiation work through you,’ continued Osheen. ‘If you become engulfed in it, I can trace it’s trail back through the rift, and fix whatever caused the temporal discrepancy in the first place.’

‘Sounds easy enough,’ said Kez. ‘I’ll do it.’

With that, Kez opened her arms wide, a bright light emanating from her as she stopped resisting the radiation. Comparisons with Christ are obvious and encouraged.

‘Happy three years since I undertook this stupid book,’ she said for some reason. ‘To celebrate I’m announcing that it’s coming out next year instead. I know, I know, I said back in February it was going to be this year, but it turns out that ten months isn’t long enough to launch a book, and it being twice the contracted length raises some logistical issues. Who knew? Anyway, best be going now, got to wrap this dumb story up before the joke wears thin. Paradox Paradox. 2023. Bye.’

‘Found it!’ said Osheen. ‘For some reason my latest time travel experiment ricochet through the timeline and turned us all into saints!’

‘Saints? Like, religious figures?’ asked Kez, her glow now dissipating. ‘How?’

‘Never mind that,’ said Osheen. ‘The ripples in the timeline eventually destroyed reality. I must set it back.’

With that, he drew a gun from under his console.

‘You’re going to kill us!?’ gasped Jack dramatically enough to win an Emmy.

‘I can’t be killed!’ Eureka referenced back. ‘My wife will kill me!’

‘I’m not going to kill you,’ said Osheen. ‘This is an un-canonizer. It’ll remove any chance of us ever becoming holy in the eyes of the catholic church.’

‘Un-canonizer,’ said Theo, nudging Jack with his elbow. ‘I get it.’

‘Get what?’ Jack asked. 

The audience laughed. This time they didn’t stop, their voices shaking all of the nothing in the closest five or six postcodes.

‘Brace yourselves,’ yelled Osheen over the tumult. ‘If this goes well, we’ll all be back where we started with no memory of this. It’ll be like it never happened.’

‘What never happened?’ said Kez. 

With that, the group all laughed and pointed finger guns at Kez, before holding hands and singing the bit of kumbaya they could remember. Afterwards, Osheen fired, fixing everything incredibly neatly, and the author vowed to never write anything while high on vegetarian Haribo ever again.

 

 

 

[1]‘Can you hear me?’ Jack asked. ‘I think I’ve turned into a footnote.’

Chapter N-1

READ DAN'S INTRO HERE PLEDGE FOR ACROSS TIME AND SPACE SIGNED BY DAN Dear all, i thought you might like to read the introduction that Dan's has written for our new Doctor Who book. It is, as you would expect very funny and very Dan. If you also pledged for the book we would eternally grateful and it would undoubtedly help Dan's three step plan to take over Doctor Who as revealed in his recent video! Mathew (Dan's editor at Unbound)

<ul>
	<li><a href="https://unbound.com/books/time-and-space/updates/read-dan-nerdcubed-s-introduction-plus-new-signed-level">READ DAN'S INTRO HERE</a></li>
	<li><a href="https://unbound.com/books/time-and-space/">PLEDGE FOR ACROSS TIME AND SPACE SIGNED BY DAN</a></li>
</ul>

Dear all, i thought you might like to read the introduction that Dan's has written for our new Doctor Who book. It is, as you would expect very funny and very Dan. If you also pledged for the book we would eternally grateful and it would undoubtedly help Dan's three step plan to take over Doctor Who as revealed in his recent video!

Mathew (Dan's editor at Unbound)

DAN'S PLAN TO TAKE OVER DOCTOR WHO

In the same way that hob-based kettles scream for your attention after being left alone for a while, I’ve noticed that the best time to write an update here is when lots of people start asking me “Have you forgotten about that book you were supposed to be writing?” So… Hello! The Paradox Paradox is still marching slowly towards it’s goal of being a finished book. The plot and planning are done, and now I’m just writing the fucking thing. I’m still aiming for this year, but thanks to the whole global everything, who knows when you’ll have it sitting on that small, strange set of drawers next to your toilet. Since the last update, a whole bunch of words have been added, deleted, removed, set on fire, re-added, regenerated, and flipped upside down and inside out. The post-it notes that covered every wall of my house like particularly sticky cheese slices have been cleaned away, and now every single note is in a (heavily backed up) Paradox Paradox bible. Seventy Five pages listing every plot point, every character beat, and every spec of detail on the universe I’ve created. If I need to know a characters eye colour, what time of day chapter 30 is set during, or the exact origins of one of my alien races, it’s all in there. One problem though. I think it’s starting to gain sentience… Additionally, we’ve got the first cover designs floating around, (PHWOAR!) and some very early plans for the interior art. We’re playing it subtly this time around, so don’t expect a glowing yellow “fuck” on the front, unless the reviewer at the Guardian particularly likes it. It’s starting to feel like a real book, which is always a harrowing moment. I’ve even switched my working file to a serif font. That’s how serious it’s getting. Anyway, that’s all for now. I shall return when I have more to share, or a finished book, or when I give up on the whole thing and move to Ibiza (Unlikely). Stay safe, wear a mask, rubber up. Daniel x (Sunday Times Bestselling Author, Actor, Good at Making Chutney.)

In the same way that hob-based kettles scream for your attention after being left alone for a while, I’ve noticed that the best time to write an update here is when lots of people start asking me “Have you forgotten about that book you were supposed to be writing?”

So… Hello! The Paradox Paradox is still marching slowly towards it’s goal of being a finished book. The plot and planning are done, and now I’m just writing the fucking thing. I’m still aiming for this year, but thanks to the whole global everything, who knows when you’ll have it sitting on that small, strange set of drawers next to your toilet. 

Since the last update, a whole bunch of words have been added, deleted, removed, set on fire, re-added, regenerated, and flipped upside down and inside out. The post-it notes that covered every wall of my house like particularly sticky cheese slices have been cleaned away, and now every single note is in a (heavily backed up) Paradox Paradox bible. Seventy Five pages listing every plot point, every character beat, and every spec of detail on the universe I’ve created. If I need to know a characters eye colour, what time of day chapter 30 is set during, or the exact origins of one of my alien races, it’s all in there. One problem though. I think it’s starting to gain sentience…

Additionally, we’ve got the first cover designs floating around, (PHWOAR!) and some very early plans for the interior art. We’re playing it subtly this time around, so don’t expect a glowing yellow “fuck” on the front, unless the reviewer at the Guardian particularly likes it. It’s starting to feel like a real book, which is always a harrowing moment. I’ve even switched my working file to a serif font. That’s how serious it’s getting.

Anyway, that’s all for now. I shall return when I have more to share, or a finished book, or when I give up on the whole thing and move to Ibiza (Unlikely). 

Stay safe, wear a mask, rubber up.


 Daniel x



 (Sunday Times Bestselling Author, Actor, Good at Making Chutney.)

I am bad at updates

Dinah Washington once sang ‘What a Difference a Day Makes’, but she didn’t bother to warn us about what 365 of the little bastards could accomplish while working together. Remember what the world was like back in September 2019, back before toilet paper became the new currency? Aside from… all of that… we’re all older, we’re all fatter, and one of us at least has written quite a lot of book. To mark the celebration of thousands of post-it notes attached to every surface of my house going round the sun once, I’m updating the excerpt of The Paradox Paradox. In the past year, the story has evolved so much that the old one is, well, wrong. Well, sort of. It’s complicated. What I’m trying to say is that this new version is bigger, better, and actually in the book that we’re still hoping to release next year. So, head over to the excerpt section to read Chapter Two, the first chapter of The Paradox Paradox. I told you it was complicated.

Dinah Washington once sang ‘What a Difference a Day Makes’, but she didn’t bother to warn us about what 365 of the little bastards could accomplish while working together. Remember what the world was like back in September 2019, back before toilet paper became the new currency? Aside from… all of that… we’re all older, we’re all fatter, and one of us at least has written quite a lot of book.

            To mark the celebration of thousands of post-it notes attached to every surface of my house going round the sun once, I’m updating the excerpt of The Paradox Paradox. In the past year, the story has evolved so much that the old one is, well, wrong. 

Well, sort of. 

It’s complicated. 

            What I’m trying to say is that this new version is bigger, better, and actually in the book that we’re still hoping to release next year. So, head over to the excerpt section to read Chapter Two, the first chapter of The Paradox Paradox.

I told you it was complicated.

One Year Later…

The book isn’t coming out in 2021. If that fact surprised you, then you’ve really not been paying attention. When I launched the book in 2019, eight years ago, I thought 2021 would be a fine date to set. Couple of years away, twice as long as the last one took to write, what could possibly go wrong? Yeah… Anyway, to hell with 2021. Faeces year. Didn’t deserve The Paradox Paradox. 2022, that’s where it’s at. I’ve already written more words this year than last, and they’re all really good. Today I wrote – “Bullshit,” said Theo, incorrectly. That cracking sound is me knocking it out of the park (1). Although… well, you know that bit in Back to the Future, where Doc is trying to plug the cables together before the DeLorean reaches him, and those damn cables keep separating? Well writing a time travel story is like that, only there are five hundred cables, all tangled like headphones in a tumble dryer. You tug on one bit, and another pops out somewhere in the heap. It’s maddening. Enormous fun, but maddening. Nothing has popped out for a while though, which should seem comforting, but it feels more like that quiet bit before a jump scare in a horror movie. Either it’s fine, or I’m about to need a change of trousers. There is no middle ground. Another thing that needs scrubbing is the “About the Book” page here on Unbound. The synopsis has shifted quite a chunk since then, so I’ve got a much more accurate version that should be live now. I’m terrible at writing synopses, so I got my friend and, irritatingly, Doctor Who writer Ben Tedds to knock one up for me. It’s got a few more plot details for you to be teased by, and proves that at least one other person understands the plot. The first 100 pages of The Paradox Paradox are in Unbound's hands, and they can confirm that this is a real project, and not some sort of $99 android games console on Kickstarter that’ll never see the light of day. It’s coming, but only when it’s ready. Mercifully I’m working here with Unbound, who are enormously supportive (2). With Love. Daniel x (Sunday Times Bestselling Author, Actor, Action Figure, All Elite.) (1) That’s a sports reference. No idea which one, but it tracks apparently. Last thing I knocked out of a park was a frisbee and nobody seemed pleased with me at all to be honest. (2) If this was any other publisher, Big Gav would have been round to break my knees by now.

The book isn’t coming out in 2021. If that fact surprised you, then you’ve really not been paying attention.

When I launched the book in 2019, eight years ago, I thought 2021 would be a fine date to set. Couple of years away, twice as long as the last one took to write, what could possibly go wrong?

Yeah…

Anyway, to hell with 2021. Faeces year. Didn’t deserve The Paradox Paradox. 2022, that’s where it’s at. I’ve already written more words this year than last, and they’re all really good. Today I wrote –

“Bullshit,” said Theo, incorrectly.

That cracking sound is me knocking it out of the park (1).

Although… well, you know that bit in Back to the Future, where Doc is trying to plug the cables together before the DeLorean reaches him, and those damn cables keep separating? Well writing a time travel story is like that, only there are five hundred cables, all tangled like headphones in a tumble dryer. You tug on one bit, and another pops out somewhere in the heap. 

It’s maddening. Enormous fun, but maddening. Nothing has popped out for a while though, which should seem comforting, but it feels more like that quiet bit before a jump scare in a horror movie. Either it’s fine, or I’m about to need a change of trousers. There is no middle ground.

Another thing that needs scrubbing is the “About the Book” page here on Unbound. The synopsis has shifted quite a chunk since then, so I’ve got a much more accurate version that should be live now. I’m terrible at writing synopses, so I got my friend and, irritatingly, Doctor Who writer Ben Tedds to knock one up for me. It’s got a few more plot details for you to be teased by, and proves that at least one other person understands the plot.

The first 100 pages of The Paradox Paradox are in Unbound's hands, and they can confirm that this is a real project, and not some sort of $99 android games console on Kickstarter that’ll never see the light of day. It’s coming, but only when it’s ready. Mercifully I’m working here with Unbound, who are enormously supportive (2).

With Love. 
Daniel x 
(Sunday Times Bestselling Author, Actor, Action Figure, All Elite.)

(1) That’s a sports reference. No idea which one, but it tracks apparently. Last thing I knocked out of a 
park was a frisbee and nobody seemed pleased with me at all to be honest. 
(2) If this was any other publisher, Big Gav would have been round to break my knees by now.

Release Date Update

The Paradox Paradox Update... uhhh... One?!

Imogen Denny

Well, here it is. After five years, five drafts, and one hundred and sixty-five thousand words, I am ecstatic to announce that The Paradox Paradox finally releases early March 2025! Now, that’s ages away, publishing a book takes time, so here’s a bonus deal for everyone who pre-orders the book. We’re going to start sending out a digital copy of The Paradox Paradox from the week beginning 15 December 2024, as a thank you to everyone who has stuck around this long! The full story, as an ebook, just before the holidays. Lovely stuff. On that note, it’s time to lock down the text in the book, so 4 p.m., 24 July will be when we close the ‘name in the back of the book’ perk. If you want to be in the book’s credits, you’ll need to back the book before then! (Or just write it in with a biro later on. That’s less cool though.) Additionally, if you’ve already backed the book with this perk, you should be receiving an email to confirm/change your name to make sure that we get it right in the book. These emails were sent out yesterday and you’ll have two weeks to reply, so be sure to look out for it! (If you think you should have received an email and haven’t, be sure to email Unbound in a few days at support@unbound.com.) Even more additionally, the first emails have been going out to people who’ve backed for some of the bigger tiers in the book. If you’ve backed to be in the front of the book, be sure to check your inboxes and spam folders! It’s time to send in some smiles! That’s all for now. Thank you for your support over the years, and here’s to the finish line! Daniel xx

The Paradox Paradox Release Date Announcement!

Issy issy@unbound.co.uk

Hello and happy five years since we launched the crowdfunding campaign for The Paradox Paradox. To celebrate, here is the cover! This cover, the work of designer Leo Nickolls and art director Mark Ecob, is the harbinger of the final days before release. In just 80 days, enough time to circumnavigate the world, The Paradox Paradox is releasing digitally to all of you lot reading this. I’m not entirely sure what to call the emotion that fills me with, but it’s like if fear had a baby with a particularly scary clown, and then they home-schooled it. Here we go then, Daniel Can anybody else hear the countdown clock from 24 at all times in their head? No? just me then…

Hello and happy five years since we launched the crowdfunding campaign for The Paradox Paradox. To celebrate, here is the cover!
<div style="text-align: left;"><img style="float: none;" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/5_2080f64f-c811-487b-a81a-ff5dabeea4ef.png?v=1727087888"></div>
This cover, the work of designer Leo Nickolls and art director Mark Ecob, is the harbinger of the final days before release. In just 80 days, enough time to circumnavigate the world, The Paradox Paradox is releasing digitally to all of you lot reading this. I’m not entirely sure what to call the emotion that fills me with, but it’s like if fear had a baby with a particularly scary clown, and then they home-schooled it.
Here we go then,
Daniel
Can anybody else hear the countdown clock from 24 at all times in their head? No? just me then…

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