Helen Murray Taylor

A couple of weeks ago, a lovely friend of mine invited some of her friends round to her place for an evening of cheese and wine, and book talk from me. I love doing in-person events although I was weirdly nervous to begin with. Talking to a small group of people who you don't know can sometimes be harder than talking to a roomful. But once I got going, it was a fantastic experience. I did a couple of readings, talked about my writing and my mental health, and explained how the memoir came about. Now, obviously, I do these events with the hope that people will be interested enough to pledge for love lay down beside me and we wept, but I know from crowdfunding The Backstreets of Purgatory that reading events bring more benefits to me than the possibility of new supporters. There is something very special about seeing and hearing an audience react to your work with gasps, with laughs, with empathy. For the memoir, this is especially true and it reinforces my belief that (or quashes any doubts whether) I've done the right thing by trying to get this book published. I experienced this to some extent after the event I did at the WayWord festival, but what I didn't get there (because it was such a big audience) was the profound and intense discussion that followed my readings at my friend's place. I've asked myself many times during the process of writing and crowdfunding the memoir, why am I doing this? Why reveal such deeply personal events in my life? Is my story worth telling? I do have answers to those questions: that I want to add to the conversation about mental health and suicide awareness; that maybe, just maybe, my words might help someone who has been through a similar experience; that I want something worthwhile to come out of an experience that was so utterly desperate. But the book talk at my friend's house added another point to this list. Because that night it seemed that me reading from the book and talking about my experiences of being unwell acted as a catalyst for the other people there to open up about the different ways mental ill health has impacted on their own lives and those of their loved ones. And that, I reckon, can only be a good thing. Helen xx PS In other news, I'll be putting a new extract up sometime next week. Please please feel free to share as widely as possible. I'm hoping it will bring in new supporters and we can get this book funded and on its way. PPS I do love a landmark. Today we reached 66% so we are two thirds of the way there. Yay! PPPS Of course, I forgot to take photos of the event, so instead, just for the sake of it and with no apparent link to today's update, here is a picture of a seagull on a post.

A couple of weeks ago, a lovely friend of mine invited some of her friends round to her place for an evening of cheese and wine, and book talk from me. I love doing in-person events although I was weirdly nervous to begin with. Talking to a small group of people who you don't know can sometimes be harder than talking to a roomful. But once I got going, it was a fantastic experience. I did a couple of readings, talked about my writing and my mental health, and explained how the memoir came about. 

Now, obviously, I do these events with the hope that people will be interested enough to pledge for love lay down beside me and we wept, but I know from crowdfunding The Backstreets of Purgatory that reading events bring more benefits to me than the possibility of new supporters. There is something very special about seeing and hearing an audience react to your work with gasps, with laughs, with empathy. For the memoir, this is especially true and it reinforces my belief that (or quashes any doubts whether) I've done the right thing by trying to get this book published. I experienced this to some extent after the event I did at the WayWord festival, but what I didn't get there (because it was such a big audience) was the profound and intense discussion that followed my readings at my friend's place. 

I've asked myself many times during the process of writing and crowdfunding the memoir, why am I doing this? Why reveal such deeply personal events in my life? Is my story worth telling? I do have answers to those questions: that I want to add to the conversation about mental health and suicide awareness; that maybe, just maybe, my words might help someone who has been through a similar experience; that I want something worthwhile to come out of an experience that was so utterly desperate. But the book talk at my friend's house added another point to this list. Because that night it seemed that me reading from the book and talking about my experiences of being unwell acted as a catalyst for the other people there to open up about the different ways mental ill health has impacted on their own lives and those of their loved ones. And that, I reckon, can only be a good thing.

Helen xx

PS In other news, I'll be putting a new extract up sometime next week. Please please feel free to share as widely as possible. I'm hoping it will bring in new supporters and we can get this book funded and on its way.

PPS I do love a landmark. Today we reached 66% so we are two thirds of the way there. Yay! 

PPPS Of course, I forgot to take photos of the event, so instead, just for the sake of it and with no apparent link to today's update, here is a picture of a seagull on a post.


 <img alt class="doksoft_image_img" height="500" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/seagull_small_2fd9e3ea-1970-410d-aded-700181b8ecb3.png?v=1690916391" width="377">

A catalyst for conversations

Hello everyone, Do you fancy getting your hands on love lay down beside me and we wept while the ink is still drying on the proofs? A good three months before anyone else? Then the new reward that has just been made available might be for you. You can pledge or upgrade to a special uncorrected proof level which means that you can read it before it is officially published. Don't worry, you will still get the proper hardback version when it comes out as well (which also means you have the fun of comparing the two versions). One of the rewards that has been missing until now is the e-book. Happily that has also just been made available. I know some people who don't live in the UK have been put off by postage costs etc. Hopefully the e-book might persuade a few more readers to come on board. The excellent news is that we are up to 85%. Welcome and a massive thank you to all the new supporters and also to the people who made some really generous extra donations recently. We are very close now. I'm going to spend the next few days working on a strategy to see if we can get the book over the line asap. (All ideas welcome!!) And finally thank you for all the kind messages that you sent me about my mum. It was so lovely to hear from so many of you. Helen x Photo by Fabio Santaniello Bruun on Unsplash

Hello everyone,

Do you fancy getting your hands on love lay down beside me and we wept while the ink is still drying on the proofs? A good three months before anyone else? Then the new reward that has just been made available might be for you. You can pledge or upgrade to a special uncorrected proof level which means that you can read it before it is officially published. Don't worry,  you will still get the proper hardback version when it comes out as well (which also means you have the fun of comparing the two versions). 


 <img alt class="doksoft_image_img" height="500" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/fabio-santaniello-bruun-Y6tGu-OH8lA-unsplash.jpg?v=1690916394" width="375">


 

One of the rewards that has been missing until now is the e-book. Happily that has also just been made available. I know some people who don't live in the UK have been put off by postage costs etc. Hopefully the e-book might persuade a few more readers to come on board.

The excellent news is that we are up to 85%. Welcome and a massive thank you to all the new supporters and also to the people who made some really generous extra donations recently. We are very close now. I'm going to spend the next few days working on a strategy to see if we can get the book over the line asap. (All ideas welcome!!)

And finally thank you for all the kind messages that you sent me about my mum. It was so lovely to hear from so many of you.

Helen x 

Photo by Fabio Santaniello Bruun on Unsplash

A chance to read uncorrected proofs

Hi everyone, My plans to get a new extract out before Christmas have been slightly scuppered by various life events but I just wanted to pop in here to say have a wonderful Christmas and to wish you the very best for 2023. (I've just seen a Facebook post from Unbound to say they are on a break from today so even this isn't going to reach you in time...). Thank you for all your support so far. I'll get the extract up early in the New Year and I have my fingers crossed that we'll get love lay down funded before long. Lots of love Helen

Hi everyone,

My plans to get a new extract out before Christmas have been slightly scuppered by various life events but I just wanted to pop in here to say have a wonderful Christmas and to wish you the very best for 2023. (I've just seen a Facebook post from Unbound to say they are on a break from today so even this isn't going to reach you in time...).

Thank you for all your support so far. I'll get the extract up early in the New Year and I have my fingers crossed that we'll get love lay down funded before long.

Lots of love

Helen

Looking ahead to 2023

Confessions of a writer number 253. It is always terrifying to share work. It is even more terrifying when you can't hide behind characters you have made up and blame them for their bad behaviour, poor manners and foul language (and mine seem to be exceptional in this regard). It is especially terrifying when it is a piece of work that is as emotionally exposing as a memoir about mental illness. But I knew what I was letting myself in for when I wrote this book. It might not be the easiest story to tell but there are reasons for putting it out there that override my own fears. Today I want to share with you an extract from the opening of love lay down beside me and we wept. Please be aware that it makes references to suicide. **** love lay down beside me and we wept chapter 1 When I was 28, I bought myself a violet linen mini dress from the sales in Jigsaw Covent Garden. Ten years later it was the dress I was wearing when I killed myself. The dress was plain in shape, cut on the bias, with capped sleeves and a wide neckline that almost hung off my shoulders. The linen cloth was criss-crossed with diamonds of fine stripes in dark purple. In its simplicity, it was little short of a classic. You could say, a little short full stop. By then, we’d been living down south for two years but I had not adapted. The humid summers in central London still managed to get their sticky fingers into me. The city aggravated an already precarious state of affairs, a steady anxiety-sweating that threatened to burst into a torrent under the most minimal of provocation and that even industrial strength antiperspirant was incapable of damming. I wore my new dress once in the height of summer and then, mortified by the deluge which appeared under my arm pits and at the base of my spine and turned the violet black, I never wore it again. That was, at least, until many years later when I discovered the lithium I was taking miraculously stopped my anxiety-sweating. The drug dried my mouth and made my tongue stick to my teeth when I spoke. It set off tremors in my hands and in my legs, and it made my head shake of its own accord. It made me unable to walk in a straight line and it turned my writing to a microscopic scrawl that could only be read with a magnifying glass. But it opened up a plethora of wardrobe opportunities. For ten years the Jigsaw dress lay screwed up at the bottom of the wardrobe until I decided, for no particular reason, to resurrect it that morning. Given my decision-making capacity at that time, that in itself was an act of unusual resolve. Despite being bombarded daily with well-meaning advice along the lines of small steps to be taken one after another, the reality was that I was barely capable of choosing which foot to put forward first, never mind which shoes to wear while doing it. It is odd that I should have chosen that particular day to select an untried, untested, almost entirely new (give or take a decade or so) outfit. But that is what I did. The smell at the back of our wardrobe reminds me of my Gran’s house, a nostalgic smell that had persuaded me to persuade Mark that our first flat was definitely worth buying (I feel at home here), a smell I associated with oak floor boards, threadbare rugs from distant lands and antique furniture, but which I later came to realise was actually woodworm, damp and stale fags. And so, on that morning, clutching my find, I resurfaced from the wardrobe depths and assessed the crinkled linen. As expected it had a vague whiff of raw oak and neglect but the smell was not unpleasant. When I held the dress up by its drooping shoulders it looked several sizes too big for me, but that didn’t worry me either. After the weight I had lost it would show off my collar bones to their razor-sharp best. I tried it on. Peering over the knobbles of my shoulders, I admired first one side and then the other in the wardrobe mirror. My hair hung limply down my back. My legs dangled below the hem like pieces of loose thread. I smiled at myself, pleasantly impressed by what was reflected, blinded no doubt by the excitement of the big day. During the wilderness years, I was delighted to remark, the dress had not gone out of fashion. Mainly, of course, because it had never been in. Impressed though I was, I couldn’t stay all day admiring myself. There were things to be getting on with. In London, the dress had been a summer dress to be worn (the once) with bare legs and sandals but this was Glasgow and it was already September. Summer was drawing its last asthmatic breaths. I pulled on black leggings and shoved my feet into a pair of double-tongued Converse low rise jimmies. A few hours later, wearing that very dress and the rest, I was to be found in the resus room of A&E at the Western Infirmary, half-comatose and fading fast, while some poor house officer tried and failed to get a line in me. Of course, it is facile to blame the dress. But the facts are irrefutable. Whichever way you look at it, it definitely would not have been possible for me to pass the afternoon in my garden swallowing pills and swigging back gin on September 2nd in the 38th year of my life wearing that particular Jigsaw dress if ten years earlier I had left the shop empty handed. So, fuck it. I’m blaming the dress. You don’t have to be Sherlock to work out that I didn’t actually die. But the deceit here is not that I survived. The deceit is that I write flippantly, as if it is something to laugh about. It isn’t funny. Nothing about suicide is funny. Not for the person who completes or doesn’t. Not for those entangled in it or those forsaken by it. And not for those left asking if they did enough. **** Thank you for reading, Helen x

Confessions of a writer number 253. It is always terrifying to share work. It is even more terrifying when you can't hide behind characters you have made up and blame them for their bad behaviour, poor manners and foul language (and mine seem to be exceptional in this regard). It is especially terrifying when it is a piece of work that is as emotionally exposing as a memoir about mental illness. But I knew what I was letting myself in for when I wrote this book. It might not be the easiest story to tell but there are reasons for putting it out there that override my own fears.

Today I want to share with you an extract from the opening of love lay down beside me and we wept. Please be aware that it makes references to suicide.

****


 love lay down beside me and we wept 



 chapter 1 


When I was 28, I bought myself a violet linen mini dress from the sales in Jigsaw Covent Garden. Ten years later it was the dress I was wearing when I killed myself.

The dress was plain in shape, cut on the bias, with capped sleeves and a wide neckline that almost hung off my shoulders. The linen cloth was criss-crossed with diamonds of fine stripes in dark purple. In its simplicity, it was little short of a classic. You could say, a little short full stop. By then, we’d been living down south for two years but I had not adapted. The humid summers in central London still managed to get their sticky fingers into me. The city aggravated an already precarious state of affairs, a steady anxiety-sweating that threatened to burst into a torrent under the most minimal of provocation and that even industrial strength antiperspirant was incapable of damming. I wore my new dress once in the height of summer and then, mortified by the deluge which appeared under my arm pits and at the base of my spine and turned the violet black, I never wore it again.

That was, at least, until many years later when I discovered the lithium I was taking miraculously stopped my anxiety-sweating. The drug dried my mouth and made my tongue stick to my teeth when I spoke. It set off tremors in my hands and in my legs, and it made my head shake of its own accord. It made me unable to walk in a straight line and it turned my writing to a microscopic scrawl that could only be read with a magnifying glass. 

But it opened up a plethora of wardrobe opportunities.

For ten years the Jigsaw dress lay screwed up at the bottom of the wardrobe until I decided, for no particular reason, to resurrect it that morning. Given my decision-making capacity at that time, that in itself was an act of unusual resolve. Despite being bombarded daily with well-meaning advice along the lines of small steps to be taken one after another, the reality was that I was barely capable of choosing which foot to put forward first, never mind which shoes to wear while doing it. It is odd that I should have chosen that particular day to select an untried, untested, almost entirely new (give or take a decade or so) outfit. But that is what I did.

The smell at the back of our wardrobe reminds me of my Gran’s house, a nostalgic smell that had persuaded me to persuade Mark that our first flat was definitely worth buying (I feel at home here), a smell I associated with oak floor boards, threadbare rugs from distant lands and antique furniture, but which I later came to realise was actually woodworm, damp and stale fags. And so, on that morning, clutching my find, I resurfaced from the wardrobe depths and assessed the crinkled linen. As expected it had a vague whiff of raw oak and neglect but the smell was not unpleasant. When I held the dress up by its drooping shoulders it looked several sizes too big for me, but that didn’t worry me either. After the weight I had lost it would show off my collar bones to their razor-sharp best. I tried it on. Peering over the knobbles of my shoulders, I admired first one side and then the other in the wardrobe mirror. My hair hung limply down my back. My legs dangled below the hem like pieces of loose thread. I smiled at myself, pleasantly impressed by what was reflected, blinded no doubt by the excitement of the big day. During the wilderness years, I was delighted to remark, the dress had not gone out of fashion. Mainly, of course, because it had never been in.

Impressed though I was, I couldn’t stay all day admiring myself. There were things to be getting on with. 

In London, the dress had been a summer dress to be worn (the once) with bare legs and sandals but this was Glasgow and it was already September. Summer was drawing its last asthmatic breaths. I pulled on black leggings and shoved my feet into a pair of double-tongued Converse low rise jimmies. 

A few hours later, wearing that very dress and the rest, I was to be found in the resus room of A&amp;E at the Western Infirmary, half-comatose and fading fast, while some poor house officer tried and failed to get a line in me.

Of course, it is facile to blame the dress. But the facts are irrefutable. Whichever way you look at it, it definitely would not have been possible for me to pass the afternoon in my garden swallowing pills and swigging back gin on September 2nd in the 38th year of my life wearing that particular Jigsaw dress if ten years earlier I had left the shop empty handed.

So, fuck it. I’m blaming the dress.

 

You don’t have to be Sherlock to work out that I didn’t actually die. But the deceit here is not that I survived. The deceit is that I write flippantly, as if it is something to laugh about. It isn’t funny. Nothing about suicide is funny. Not for the person who completes or doesn’t. Not for those entangled in it or those forsaken by it. And not for those left asking if they did enough.

 

****

Thank you for reading,

Helen x

The beginning (and almost the end)

Friends, We're over 70% funded! Why is that such a big deal? Because all of the Unbound books that have made it to 70% have gone on to be fully funded. Yes, there is still a way to go but this feels like a massive leap forward. I have to admit to having a confidence wobble in the mid-60s because I wasn't sure where the remaining supporters were going to come from. But after a pep talk with John, Aliya and Suze, the fantastic team at Unbound who are working with me, I took a deep breath, stopped panicking and realised I just had to trust the process. And what is really wonderful is that there are new supporters coming on board all the time. So if that is you, hello, welcome and many, many thanks. Loads of you have been helping me spread the word which is just brilliant. I was trying to work out if I could do that thing that lots of online businesses/shops do... you know, where you recommend a friend and both the person recommending and the friend get some kind of benefit (like a discount on the next purchase). Unfortunately, it isn't practical to do this for my book because the system isn't set up for it. That said, if half of you guys could persaude one other person to support the book, we'd be over the finish line. If you fancied sharing the link with the excerpt with your friends and family, that would be amazing. There might not be an extra financial incentive in it but you'd have my undying gratitude :-) https://unbound.com/books/love-lay-down-beside-me-and-we-wept/excerpt Meanwhile, for no good reason other than to make you smile, here is a picture of one of my writing companions proving that he is triple-jointed. (I've been doing 30 Days of Yoga with Adrienne on Youtube to increase my flexibility and my terrible hunched-over-the-computer writer's posture but I can only dream of being able to contort myself like this). Until next time Helen xx

Friends,

We're over 70% funded! Why is that such a big deal? Because all of the Unbound books that have made it to 70% have gone on to be fully funded. Yes, there is still a way to go but this feels like a massive leap forward. I have to admit to having a confidence wobble in the mid-60s because I wasn't sure where the remaining supporters were going to come from. But after a pep talk with John, Aliya and Suze, the fantastic team at Unbound who are working with me, I took a deep breath, stopped panicking and realised I just had to trust the process. And what is really wonderful is that there are new supporters coming on board all the time. So if that is you, hello, welcome and many, many thanks.

Loads of you have been helping me spread the word which is just brilliant. I was trying to work out if I could do that thing that lots of online businesses/shops do... you know, where you recommend a friend and both the person recommending and the friend get some kind of benefit (like a discount on the next purchase). Unfortunately, it isn't practical to do this for my book because the system isn't set up for it. That said, if half of you guys could persaude one other person to support the book, we'd be over the finish line. If you fancied sharing the link with the excerpt with your friends and family, that would be amazing. There might not be an extra financial incentive in it but you'd have my undying gratitude :-)


 <a href="https://unbound.com/books/love-lay-down-beside-me-and-we-wept/excerpt">https://unbound.com/books/love-lay-down-beside-me-and-we-wept/excerpt</a>


Meanwhile, for no good reason other than to make you smile, here is a picture of one of my writing companions proving that he is triple-jointed. (I've been doing 30 Days of Yoga with Adrienne on Youtube to increase my flexibility and my terrible hunched-over-the-computer writer's posture but I can only dream of being able to contort myself like this).

Until next time

Helen xx


 <img alt class="doksoft_image_img" height="500" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/Stan_triple_jointed.jpg?v=1690916401" width="375">

The big 7-0 and a triple-jointed cat

What an unbelievable start to this campaign. Week one and we are 30% funded already. I've been madly sending messages of thanks to those of you I know personally, but I decided I had to do this update quickly because there are lots of you that I don't have links to, either personally or on social media, and I absolutely have to say a massive thank you to everyone for supporting me and for doing it so early on in the campaign. It's been an amazing start, even if I have spent half of the week trying (and failing) not to cry. I've had loads of lovely messages that have really touched me. It's been an extremely intense and emotional few days. But I've got a grip of myself (at least for today) and the campaign continues. I'll do my best to keep the momentum going. In my future updates, I'll talk more about the book itself, about how we came up with the gorgeous (temporary) cover, about the special handbound editions that will be made by my wonderful friend, artist and bookbinder Monique Wass, and there will be exclusive extracts for supporters. But for now, I just wanted to send my thanks.

What an unbelievable start to this campaign. Week one and we are 30% funded already. I've been madly sending messages of thanks to those of you I know personally, but I decided I had to do this update quickly because there are lots of you that I don't have links to, either personally or on social media, and I absolutely have to say a massive thank you to everyone for supporting me and for doing it so early on in the campaign.

It's been an amazing start, even if I have spent half of the week trying (and failing) not to cry. I've had loads of lovely messages that have really touched me. It's been an extremely intense and emotional few days.

But I've got a grip of myself (at least for today) and the campaign continues. I'll do my best to keep the momentum going.

In my future updates, I'll talk more about the book itself, about how we came up with the gorgeous (temporary) cover, about the special handbound editions that will be made by my wonderful friend, artist and bookbinder Monique Wass, and there will be exclusive extracts for supporters. But for now, I just wanted to send my thanks.


 <img alt class="doksoft_image_img" height="419" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/Thank_you.png?v=1690916405" width="500">

The first thirty percent

Hi everyone, First of all I want to say a massive thank you to all the new supporters who have backed love lay down beside me and we wept. It can be easy to have doubts in a crowdfunding campaign, especially once I've emailed/messaged/generally harrassed every person in my acquaintance and I'm not sure who to approach next and whether it is acceptable to accost random strangers on the street (I'm pretty sure I did that when I was crowdfunding Backstreets but it wasn't one of my more successful approaches). But then in the midst of my doubts, I have a run of pledges from people I know and people I don't and it feels wonderful and very special. Over 60% in a little over 2 months is fantastic progress. I'm impatient to get it funded because I want the book to be in the hands of all the generous supporters who have already backed it (ie you!). But we will get there, I am absolutely confident of that. (On that note, I was going to say if you know anyone who might be interested in it... but actually I need to thank the folk who are already doing a brilliant job at spreading the word for me. The book is starting to reach networks outside of my own because people are sharing the link on social media and telling their friends. It makes an enormous difference.) What's new with the campaign? Well, I'm just back home after a fantastic trip to Scotland to take part in Aberdeen University's WayWORD festival. It was an amazing and really uplifting experience. I did two events, a writing workshop on how to write about mental health and an author event about my memoir. In writing workshops, it always astonishes me what people can produce writing under pressure to certain prompts, and this one was no exception with high quality, thoughtful work being shared and some great discussions. Of course, we ran over time! Thanks to all those who took part and made it a success. The second event was titled Tattered Memory and I shared it with Timothy Baker whose memoir, Reading My Mother Back, has recently been published by Goldsmiths Press. We both read short passages from our books to a full house. It was the first time that I've read any of mine to an audience in real life. Because I was a bit nervous, I decided to read a section from the early part of the book that doesn't deal with any of the tricky stuff about mental health but instead talks about love. Weirdly, though, as I started to read I felt a huge wave of emotion and for a moment thought I might not be able to hold it together. I managed though. Not sure if anyone else noticed or not. Both our memoirs deal with recreating the past from unreliable memories, and the complementary and overlapping themes — about what constitutes truth, whether other people who were there have different recollections etc — which meant there was loads for Tim and I to talk about. The event was chaired by Dr Sarah Sharp and BSL signed by Lesely Crerar. It was brilliant. Considering some of the subject matter, there were more laughs than you might expect. I was buzzing at the end of it. I hope the audience enjoyed the event as much as I did. Crowdfunding has its upsides! Until next time Helen xx

Hi everyone,

First of all I want to say a massive thank you to all the new supporters who have backed love lay down beside me and we wept. It can be easy to have doubts in a crowdfunding campaign, especially once I've emailed/messaged/generally harrassed every person in my acquaintance and I'm not sure who to approach next and whether it is acceptable to accost random strangers on the street (I'm pretty sure I did that when I was crowdfunding Backstreets but it wasn't one of my more  successful approaches). But then in the midst of my doubts, I have a run of pledges from people I know and people I don't and it feels wonderful and very special. Over 60% in a little over 2 months is fantastic progress. I'm impatient to get it funded because I want the book to be in the hands of all the generous supporters who have already backed it (ie you!). But we will get there, I am absolutely confident of that. (On that note, I was going to say if you know anyone who might be interested in it... but actually I need to thank the folk who are already doing a brilliant job at spreading the word for me. The book is starting to reach networks outside of my own because people are sharing the link on social media and telling their friends. It makes an enormous difference.)

What's new with the campaign? Well, I'm just back home after a fantastic trip to Scotland to take part in Aberdeen University's WayWORD festival. It was an amazing and really uplifting experience. I did two events, a writing workshop on how to write about mental health and an author event about my memoir. In writing workshops, it always astonishes me what people can produce writing under pressure to certain prompts, and this one was no exception with high quality, thoughtful work being shared and some great discussions. Of course, we ran over time! Thanks to all those who took part and made it a success.

The second event was titled Tattered Memory and I shared it with Timothy Baker whose memoir, Reading My Mother Back, has recently been published by Goldsmiths Press. We both read short passages from our books to a full house. It was the first time that I've read any of mine to an audience in real life. Because I was a bit nervous, I decided to read a section from the early part of the book that doesn't deal with any of the tricky stuff about mental health but instead talks about love. Weirdly, though, as I started to read I felt a huge wave of emotion and for a moment thought I might not be able to hold it together. I managed though. Not sure if anyone else noticed or not.


 <img alt class="doksoft_image_img" height="375" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/69mTwUmJT9GpGf8IINEn2w.jpg?v=1690916409" width="500">


Both our memoirs deal with recreating the past from unreliable memories, and the complementary and overlapping themes — about what constitutes truth, whether other people who were there have different recollections etc — which meant there was loads for Tim and I to talk about. The event was chaired by Dr Sarah Sharp and BSL signed by Lesely Crerar. It was brilliant. Considering some of the subject matter, there were more laughs than you might expect. I was buzzing at the end of it. I hope the audience enjoyed the event as much as I did.

Crowdfunding has its upsides!

Until next time

Helen xx

WayWORD

One of the constant themes of the wonderful messages that I have received in the course of crowdfunding this book so far is that people think I am brave for sharing my story. I'm not sure that it is true but it is lovely to hear. Thank you. When I think about what happened to me, though, I don't feel brave at all. The people who showed the real courage when I was ill were the people closest to me. Those who had to live with me at my worst, those who visited me in hospital without fail even though it was heartbreaking for them to see the state that I was in, those who waited patiently and stayed away until I was well enough to see them. That was bravery. And love. Crowdfunding this memoir has been a much more emotional process than I expected. I thought I had done the hard bit by writing the book but this part is proving almost as intense — in a very positive way, though. I've worried about approaching people who I haven't been in contact with for ages, invading their email and DMs out of the blue, but I have had the most incredible response. So many kind messages and generous pledges. You have all been amazing. Thank you. We are at 44% today. I think with a strong wind we can make 50% by the end of the month. What do you reckon?

One of the constant themes of the wonderful messages that I have received in the course of crowdfunding this book so far is that people think I am brave for sharing my story. I'm not sure that it is true but it is lovely to hear. Thank you. 

When I think about what happened to me, though, I don't feel brave at all. The people who showed the real courage when I was ill were the people closest to me. Those who had to live with me at my worst, those who visited me in hospital without fail even though it was heartbreaking for them to see the state that I was in, those who waited patiently and stayed away until I was well enough to see them. That was bravery. And love.

Crowdfunding this memoir has been a much more emotional process than I expected. I thought I had done the hard bit by writing the book but this part is proving almost as intense — in a very positive way, though. I've worried about approaching people who I haven't been in contact with for ages, invading their email and DMs out of the blue, but I have had the most incredible response. So many kind messages and generous pledges. You have all been amazing. Thank you.

We are at 44% today. I think with a strong wind we can make 50% by the end of the month. What do you reckon?

What does it mean to be brave?

Hello everyone and a very happy New Year. I hope 2023 is a good one for all of you, a year full of health and happiness. I'm counting on it being the year that love lay down beside me and we wept gets funded and on its way into print (fingers, toes, everything crossed). It was lovely to get a flurry of new supporters in the last couple of weeks. Thank you to all of you. It is fantastic to see one or two names I recognise, and plenty that I don't. Because I have let almost everyone I've ever met in my entire life know about the book now, support from outside my own network is vital for the book to be published. Loads of you have already brought friends and family on board, and I'm so grateful for that. Today I'm publishing a short extract. Please feel free to share it widely. Let's see if we can persuade a few more people to support it. With your help, we will get there. Before I get to the extract, I have a couple of topical things to tell you. In the event that you've been hiding under a stone for the last few weeks, you may not have heard that a certain young prince published his memoir on Tuesday. Don't worry. I'm not going to rehash what has already been said about it but there are two points that are relevant to my own memoir. Firstly Prince Harry has been a fantastic champion for mental health awareness and has done really good work in helping to end the stigma of mental illness. That said, there are some parts of his message that I don't fully agree with. To find out more, check out my opinion piece for Aberdeen's Press & Journal this week. I'd be interested to know what you think. Secondly, when you write a memoir, it is impossible not to write about other people. Even if it is your story, your take on events, it is inevitable that those close to you get a mention. This applies as much to barely-known writers like myself as it does to global celebrity superstar Royals. I'm going to talk about how I dealt with this in more detail in a future update, but for now all I am going to say is that I changed everyone's names, and gave a couple of people a veto on the book. So, although this extract stars my reluctant husband, I did have his blessing. I want to share this extract because it is about love. And it's happy. And those things are as important in my story as any of the sad bits. Hope you enjoy it. H xx love lay down beside me and we wept, extract Chapter 3 Mark doesn’t want to be in this book but I can’t write this story without him. He was there from the beginning. Right in the middle of this tangle of love and death and madness. Love came for me in a canteen salad bar on my first day of university. In all my wildest imaginings (and trust me, they were plentiful) I would never have believed that a plateful of pasta salad, tomatoes, lettuce, grated carrot, tuna mayonnaise and honey roast ham (our anatomy-class-induced aversion to cooked flesh was yet to manifest itself), not to mention a curried rice salad, a Waldorf knock-off, coronation chicken (the seventies were long but their legacy lived on in institutional cooking), cucumber slices and a beetroot affair (malt vinegar included), plus a bread roll and a packet of crisps (salt and more vinegar) could totally give me the hots, while I simultaneously questioned whether someone so skinny could actually put that amount away. I’d already spotted Mark around campus in Fresher’s week and I wanted to be his friend. He had long dark curly hair that hung over his face, and clothes that, in my amateur but enthusiastic opinion, walked the trendy side of goth (as if such a thing existed) — black trench coat, stick-leg black trousers and a shirt that would have been the envy of his purple Princeliness. I’d seen him wafting around the student union in a manner that, given his hair completely obscured his sightline, was irrefutable proof of his familiarity with the place. At gigs, he stood at the back, hunched over a chin-stroking plastic glass of Southern Comfort and lemonade, while the band played and the mosh pit flailed. Moments later, he’d hit Dance Floor Central, feet and elbows a blur. It was a little surprising that he could dance at all given how pointy his black patent leather winkle pickers were but he managed without restraint. I found him — his attire, his moves, his beverage — radically cool. What I could see of his face behind his hair (limited for the most part to the flash of grinning teeth) was, my heart assured me, to die for. All of this heightened by his hand-waving speech which had I been near enough to hear I would have discovered was accompanied by the jangle of a wristful of cheap bangles. I was smitten. But my awe kept me circling at the outskirts of his field while he remained entirely unaware of my existence, laying waste to the paradigm that opposites attract. If I mention it now, he teases me. ‘I wasn’t cool,’ he says. ‘You just didn’t know any better.’ Back then I was just a girl from the sticks. I feign outrage. [To find out what the salad has to do with any of this, you'll have to read the book!] Image: University of Glasgow, Candeo gauisus at English Wikipedia, CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons

Hello everyone and a very happy New Year.

I hope 2023 is a good one for all of you, a year full of health and happiness. I'm counting on it being the year that love lay down beside me and we wept gets funded and on its way into print (fingers, toes, everything crossed). It was lovely to get a flurry of new supporters in the last couple of weeks. Thank you to all of you. It is fantastic to see one or two names I recognise, and plenty that I don't. Because I have let almost everyone I've ever met in my entire life know about the book now, support from outside my own network is vital for the book to be published. Loads of you have already brought friends and family on board, and I'm so grateful for that. Today I'm publishing a short extract. Please feel free to share it widely. Let's see if we can persuade a few more people to support it. With your help, we will get there.

Before I get to the extract, I have a couple of topical things to tell you. In the event that you've been hiding under a stone for the last few weeks, you may not have heard that a certain young prince published his memoir on Tuesday. Don't worry. I'm not going to rehash what has already been said about it but there are two points that are relevant to my own memoir. Firstly Prince Harry has been a fantastic champion for mental health awareness and has done really good work in helping to end the stigma of mental illness. That said, there are some parts of his message that I don't fully agree with. To find out more, check out <a href="https://www.pressandjournal.co.uk/fp/opinion/5250088/prince-harry-spare-children-mental-health-opinion/">my opinion piece for Aberdeen's Press &amp; Journal</a> this week. I'd be interested to know what you think.

Secondly, when you write a memoir, it is impossible not to write about other people. Even if it is your story, your take on events, it is inevitable that those close to you get a mention. This applies as much to barely-known writers like myself as it does to global celebrity superstar Royals. I'm going to talk about how I dealt with this in more detail in a future update, but for now all I am going to say is that I changed everyone's names, and gave a couple of people a veto on the book. So, although this extract stars my reluctant husband, I did have his blessing.

I want to share this extract because it is about love. And it's happy. And those things are as important in my story as any of the sad bits.

Hope you enjoy it.

H xx

 


 <img alt class="doksoft_image_img" height="282" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/1024px-Tower_of_The_University_of_Glasgow.jpg?v=1690916413" width="500">


 


 love lay down beside me and we wept, extract



 Chapter 3 


Mark doesn’t want to be in this book but I can’t write this story without him. He was there from the beginning. Right in the middle of this tangle of love and death and madness.

Love came for me in a canteen salad bar on my first day of university. In all my wildest imaginings (and trust me, they were plentiful) I would never have believed that a plateful of pasta salad, tomatoes, lettuce, grated carrot, tuna mayonnaise and honey roast ham (our anatomy-class-induced aversion to cooked flesh was yet to manifest itself), not to mention a curried rice salad, a Waldorf knock-off, coronation chicken (the seventies were long but their legacy lived on in institutional cooking), cucumber slices and a beetroot affair (malt vinegar included), plus a bread roll and a packet of crisps (salt and more vinegar) could totally give me the hots, while I simultaneously questioned whether someone so skinny could actually put that amount away.

I’d already spotted Mark around campus in Fresher’s week and I wanted to be his friend. He had long dark curly hair that hung over his face, and clothes that, in my amateur but enthusiastic opinion, walked the trendy side of goth (as if such a thing existed) — black trench coat, stick-leg black trousers and a shirt that would have been the envy of his purple Princeliness. I’d seen him wafting around the student union in a manner that, given his hair completely obscured his sightline, was irrefutable proof of his familiarity with the place. At gigs, he stood at the back, hunched over a chin-stroking plastic glass of Southern Comfort and lemonade, while the band played and the mosh pit flailed. Moments later, he’d hit Dance Floor Central, feet and elbows a blur. It was a little surprising that he could dance at all given how pointy his black patent leather winkle pickers were but he managed without restraint. I found him — his attire, his moves, his beverage — radically cool. What I could see of his face behind his hair (limited for the most part to the flash of grinning teeth) was, my heart assured me, to die for. All of this heightened by his hand-waving speech which had I been near enough to hear I would have discovered was accompanied by the jangle of a wristful of cheap bangles. I was smitten. But my awe kept me circling at the outskirts of his field while he remained entirely unaware of my existence, laying waste to the paradigm that opposites attract.

If I mention it now, he teases me. ‘I wasn’t cool,’ he says. ‘You just didn’t know any better.’ Back then I was just a girl from the sticks. I feign outrage.

[To find out what the salad has to do with any of this, you'll have to read the book!]


 Image:  University of Glasgow, Candeo gauisus at English Wikipedia, <a href="http://&lt;https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0&gt;,">CC BY-SA 3.0</a> via Wikimedia Commons

What has salad got to do with it?

Hey everyone, Most of you probably know that love lay down beside me and we wept isn't my first book. My first one was a novel, The Backstreets of Purgatory (which incidentally had a lovely mention on local radio this week from the wonderful Alastair Braidwood, aka Scots Whay Hae!, who is a fantastic champion of Scottish culture in all its forms; Backstreets is on at 1h21 if you want to have a wee listen). What you may or may not have noticed is that for this new one, I've included my middle name in my author name. When I was a kid, I was not a great fan of my middle name. Playground chants of Murray Mint and kids demanding to know why I had a boy's name made me wish for something more standard. Sometimes I pretended that it was an alternative spelling of Marie and, honestly, how stupid were they if they didn't know how to pronounce it! It didn't wash, of course. Probably made the teasing worse. At some point though, probably by the time I was a teenager, I did a full about turn and completely embraced it. I love the name. It came from my granny's side of the family (she was also a Helen). A good Scottish surname. Part of my heritage. If I'd thought about it properly, I would have used it on Backstreets but I got caught up in the whirlwind of publishing the book and didn't think about it until it was too late. Helen Taylor is about as common name a name as you can get (as Google will attest) and there are a least a couple of other writers working in the UK with the same name. It was only when I started getting messages on my website clearly destined for one of the other Helen Taylors that it occured to me I ought to do something about it. Anyway, I am really pleased to be writing love lay down beside me and we wept as Helen Murray Taylor. It feels right. And it gives me a kick to see it written in full. Almost as big a kick as the time I was driving my Mini with my pal, his son and another friend's son (completely unrelated) and we realised that everyone in the car had Murray as their middle name. If my brother had been there too, we would have been five (except that was never going to happen: with the other passengers there wouldn't have been room because his legs are far too long). Have a lovely day Helen Murray Taylor PS The funding is going brilliantly. I'm so grateful to you all. [Photo by kiliweb for Open Food Facts]

Hey everyone,

Most of you probably know that love lay down beside me and we wept isn't my first book. My first one was a novel, The Backstreets of Purgatory (which incidentally had a lovely mention on <a href="https://www.scotswhayhae.com/swh-radio-1/episode/213a6035/the-scots-whay-hae-show">local radio</a> this week from the wonderful Alastair Braidwood, aka Scots Whay Hae!, who is a fantastic champion of Scottish culture in all its forms; Backstreets is on at 1h21 if you want to have a wee listen). What you may or may not have noticed is that for this new one, I've included my middle name in my author name.

When I was a kid, I was not a great fan of my middle name. Playground chants of Murray Mint and kids demanding to know why I had a boy's name made me wish for something more standard. Sometimes I pretended that it was an alternative spelling of Marie and, honestly, how stupid were they if they didn't know how to pronounce it! It didn't wash, of course. Probably made the teasing worse.


 <img alt class="doksoft_image_img" height="400" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/front_en.20.400.jpg?v=1690916416" width="299">


 

At some point though, probably by the time I was a teenager, I did a full about turn and completely embraced it. I love the name. It came from my granny's side of the family (she was also a Helen). A good Scottish surname. Part of my heritage.

If I'd thought about it properly, I would have used it on Backstreets but I got caught up in the whirlwind of publishing the book and didn't think about it until it was too late. Helen Taylor is about as common name a name as you can get (as Google will attest) and there are a least a couple of other writers working in the UK with the same name. It was only when I started getting messages on my website clearly destined for one of the other Helen Taylors that it occured to me I ought to do something about it.

Anyway, I am really pleased to be writing love lay down beside me and we wept as Helen Murray Taylor. It feels right. And it gives me a kick to see it written in full.

Almost as big a kick as the time I was driving my Mini with my pal, his son and another friend's son (completely unrelated) and we realised that everyone in the car had Murray as their middle name. If my brother had been there too, we would have been five (except that was never going to happen: with the other passengers there wouldn't have been room because his legs are far too long).

Have a lovely day

Helen Murray Taylor

PS The funding is going brilliantly. I'm so grateful to you all.

 

[Photo by kiliweb for Open Food Facts]

Where did the Murray come from?

Titles! The bane of my writing life. They can make or break a piece of work. Fortunately if, like me, you write books rather than poems or short stories, you only have to come up with them once in a blue moon. But even so, I struggle to get it right. Supporters of The Backstreets of Purgatory may or may not have read this post about rubbish working titles (of which Backstreets and love lay down beside me and we wept had many). Happily, after many iterations, I'm really pleased with the titles of both of my books (except that love lay down beside me and we wept is far, far, far too long for a Twitter hashtag; I clearly wasn't thinking about my marketing efforts when I settled on it). I'm frequently asked where the title of love lay down came from. The easy answer is that it is lifted from the text of the book itself. It is the end of a chapter, literally and figuratively, when I'm about to move from London. I'm sitting in an empty flat and I hear the cat howl from her carrier as she is taken out to the car and it sounds like the cry of an infant. And I'm overwhelmed by what has just happened to me, the IVF, the miscarriage. love lay down beside me and we wept The more difficult thing to explain is why those words were the only ones that would do. In his Red Hand Files, Nick Cave talks about his lyrics and certain words 'that exist in a world of their own - in a place of potentiality, adjacent to meaning. Words that feel authentic but remain mysterious, as if a greater truth lies just beyond our understanding.' I think I feel like that about love lay down. It is a phrase that makes no literal sense, a slant approach to heartbreak, but it is a truth nonetheless. Photo by Kabiur Rahman Riyad on Unsplash

Titles! The bane of my writing life. They can make or break a piece of work. Fortunately if, like me, you write books rather than poems or short stories, you only have to come up with them once in a blue moon. But even so, I struggle to get it right. Supporters of The Backstreets of Purgatory may or may not have read<a href="https://unbound.com/books/the-backstreets-of-purgatory/updates/undistinguished-and-otherwise-generally-rubbish-working-titles"> this</a> post about rubbish working titles (of which Backstreets and love lay down beside me and we wept had many). Happily, after many iterations, I'm really pleased with the titles of both of my books (except that love lay down beside me and we wept is far, far, far too long for a Twitter hashtag; I clearly wasn't thinking about my marketing efforts when I settled on it).

I'm frequently asked where the title of love lay down came from. The easy answer is that it is lifted from the text of the book itself. It is the end of a chapter, literally and figuratively, when I'm about to move from London. I'm sitting in an empty flat and I hear the cat howl from her carrier as she is taken out to the car and it sounds like the cry of an infant. And I'm overwhelmed by what has just happened to me, the IVF, the miscarriage.

love lay down beside me and we wept 

 


 <img alt class="doksoft_image_img" height="500" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/kabiur-rahman-riyad-TVTAc8NQdjQ-unsplash.jpg?v=1690916421" width="375">


 

The more difficult thing to explain is why those words were the only ones that would do. In his <a href="https://www.theredhandfiles.com/my-favourite-lyrics/">Red Hand Files</a>, Nick Cave talks about his lyrics and certain words 'that exist in a world of their own - in a place of potentiality, adjacent to meaning. Words that feel authentic but remain mysterious, as if a greater truth lies just beyond our understanding.' I think I feel like that about love lay down. It is a phrase that makes no literal sense, a slant approach to heartbreak, but it is a truth nonetheless. 

 

Photo by Kabiur Rahman Riyad on Unsplash

Where did the title come from?

Every year since 2003 September 10th has been designated World Suicide Prevention Day. It was established by the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) and the World Health Organisation (WHO) and directed towards governments, policy makers, national organisations and the general public with the very specific message that suicide can be prevented. Since its creation, awareness of the day has grown enormously, and now it is observed in over 60 countries with hundreds of events being held to mark it and support the message. The theme for 2022 is 'Creating Hope Through Action'. Hope is a loaded word in the context of mental illness and suicide, because messages of hope and positivity when someone is unwell can backfire if they are not able to hold hope for themselves, and can add to someone's feelings of worthlessness. But IASP is an organisation whose work I really respect and I was intrigued to dig deeper to find out what this message means in practical terms. What I discovered filled me with optimism. There are numerous practical actions, big and small, that we can take in our personal lives, in our professional organisations, in our online lives, and in our community lives that will have an impact on suicide prevention. You can read some of these suggestions in the IASP Outreach Briefs. I've also been listening to podcasts covering some of the latest research in this field. If you are on twitter, you might have seen some of the threads that I've been writing summarising some of the best podcast episodes that I've come across. I'll list them at the end of this post. There are some truly inspiring people working in this field and much of the expertise is coming from people with lived-experience. One of the most fundamental messages to come out of everything that I've read and listened to is: TALK! For example, for someone who is struggling, reaching out and telling someone how they feel can be a life-saver don't be afraid to ask if you think someone is suicidal (rather than plant the seed of the idea, all the research shows this is protective)* educating children from a young age to talk about feelings and emotions has been proven to protective for their future mental health *The Samaritans have loads of helpful information on how to support someone who might be feeling suicidal including their listening tips SHUSH. Suicide is not easy to talk about in any context and we certainly should not be limiting our discussions about it to one day a year. World Suicide Prevention Day is one day to shine a light on the topic but it is something that we should be thinking about 365 days of the year. PODCASTS Mental Health Foundation: Let's Talk About Suicide Prevention MQ Open Mind: Episode 8, How can we work together to prevent suicide Royal College of Psychiatrists: Dr Alex discusses male suicide, social isolation, and educating young people about mental health Reach In, Reach Out: Lived experience and suicide prevention Mentally Yours: World Suicide Prevention Day

<img alt class="doksoft_image_img" height="121" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/WSPD_banner.png?v=1690916424" width="500">


Every year since 2003 September 10th has been designated World Suicide Prevention Day. It was established by the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) and the World Health Organisation (WHO) and directed towards governments, policy makers, national organisations and the general public with the very specific message that suicide can be prevented. Since its creation, awareness of the day has grown enormously, and now it is observed in over 60 countries with hundreds of events being held to mark it and support the message.

The theme for 2022 is 'Creating Hope Through Action'. Hope is a loaded word in the context of mental illness and suicide, because messages of hope and positivity when someone is unwell can backfire if they are not able to hold hope for themselves, and can add to someone's feelings of worthlessness. But IASP is an organisation whose work I really respect and I was intrigued to dig deeper to find out what this message means in practical terms. 

What I discovered filled me with optimism. There are numerous practical actions, big and small, that we can take in our personal lives, in our professional organisations, in our online lives, and in our community lives that will have an impact on suicide prevention. You can read some of these suggestions in the <a href="https://www.iasp.info/wspd/outreach-briefs/">IASP Outreach Briefs</a>. I've also been listening to podcasts covering some of the latest research in this field. If you are on twitter, you might have seen some of the threads that I've been writing summarising some of the best podcast episodes that I've come across. I'll list them at the end of this post. There are some truly inspiring people working in this field and much of the expertise is coming from people with lived-experience. One of the most fundamental messages to come out of everything that I've read and listened to is: TALK!

For example,

<ul>
	<li>for someone who is struggling, reaching out and telling someone how they feel can be a life-saver </li>
	<li>don't be afraid to ask if you think someone is suicidal (rather than plant the seed of the idea, all the research shows this is protective)*</li>
	<li>educating children from a young age to talk about feelings and emotions has been proven to protective for their future mental health</li>
</ul>

*The <a href="https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/supporting-someone-suicidal-thoughts/">Samaritans</a> have loads of helpful information on how to support someone who might be feeling suicidal including their listening tips SHUSH. 


 <img alt class="doksoft_image_img" height="375" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/Screen_Shot_2022-09-08_at_14.53.40.png?v=1690916425" width="500">


Suicide is not easy to talk about in any context and we certainly should not be limiting our discussions about it to one day a year. World Suicide Prevention Day is one day to shine a light on the topic but it is something that we should be thinking about 365 days of the year.

PODCASTS

Mental Health Foundation: <a href="https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/podcasts/lets-talk-about-suicide-prevention">Let's Talk About Suicide Prevention </a>

MQ Open Mind: <a href="https://mqopenmind.podbean.com/e/ep-8-how-can-we-work-together-to-prevent-suicide/">Episode 8, How can we work together to prevent suicide</a>

Royal College of Psychiatrists: <a href="https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/news-and-features/podcasts/detail/dr-alex-discusses-male-suicide-social-isolation-and-educating-young-people-about-mental-health">Dr Alex discusses male suicide, social isolation, and educating young people about mental health </a>

Reach In, Reach Out: <a href="https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-amj5e-12ad8ce">Lived experience and suicide prevention</a>

Mentally Yours: <a href="https://audioboom.com/posts/7939302-world-suicide-prevention-day">World Suicide Prevention Day</a>

World Suicide Prevention Day

Imogen Denny

Hi folks, Lately, I’ve been a bit quiet here and on social media. Part of the reason was that, despite having been told, I couldn’t remember how we were supposed to contribute blog posts on the new updated Unbound website. Turns out it is as easy as it ever was, just different.While I’m on the subject, this is a quick reminder to you to update your own Unbound account if you haven’t already. You can do it here: https://unbound.com/users/reactivate. The hosting platform has changed to make it easier to shop but there have been one or two hiccups in the transfer. If your account doesn’t look right (eg mine had only one of the books that I had pledged for listed), don’t worry. Either contact support@unbound.com or wait it out. The snags are being ironed out bit by bit.The absence from social media was accidental. Last year was quite tricky for one reason or another, and by the time that the book had funded I was done in. What started out as a short break from Facebook/Instagram and X/Twitter has extended to several months. But I will find my way back there soon.Just because I haven’t been posting lots about love lay down, doesn’t mean to say nothing has been happening though. Since the book funded, it has been through a structural edit (very few changes to were required, yay!) and a legal read (quite a lot of changes were required, not so yay). I’ve been working on disguising some of the main characters in the story more than they already were while having weird philosophical conversations with myself about where the line is between fact and fiction. For some people, all I had to do was change their names further from their original names. Considering that everyone’s names had already been altered, this doesn’t sound like it should have been a particularly onerous task. Weirdly, it took me forever. I had to find names that I could identify with the real person. I had to be able to see them, walking, talking, whatevering, but answering to the name that I had given them. It was even stranger than coming up with names for fictional characters. Overall, a fascinating process.The copy edit didn’t come up with quite as many howlers as the one for Backstreets (I’m still mortified over the stationary cupboard). But I did have a ‘peak’ instead of a ‘peek’, and a ‘bubbling’ instead of a ‘babbling’.Currently, the changes that I’ve made after the legal read are being reviewed by an editor. Once they are all locked in, I think it goes to typesetting and page proofs.Oh, and I had my picture taken for my author photo by another Helen. Helen Bates. She was very patient, managed to stop me grinning stiffly and took some ‘definitely ok’ photos. Which considering how awkward I felt in front of the camera is pretty good going. I’m waiting for the high res files to come back to choose one.Right, I think that’s me up to date. I’ll be back in touch when I have more news. Hope all is good with you. Bye for now,H xx

Hi folks,
Lately, I’ve been a bit quiet here and on social media. Part of the reason was that, despite having been told, I couldn’t remember how we were supposed to contribute blog posts on the new updated Unbound website. Turns out it is as easy as it ever was, just different. While I’m on the subject, this is a quick reminder to you to update your own Unbound account if you haven’t already. You can do it here: https://unbound.com/users/reactivate. The hosting platform has changed to make it easier to shop but there have been one or two hiccups in the transfer. If your account doesn’t look right (eg mine had only one of the books that I had pledged for listed), don’t worry. Either contact support@unbound.com or wait it out. The snags are being ironed out bit by bit. The absence from social media was accidental. Last year was quite tricky for one reason or another, and by the time that the book had funded I was done in. What started out as a short break from Facebook/Instagram and X/Twitter has extended to several months. But I will find my way back there soon. Just because I haven’t been posting lots about love lay down, doesn’t mean to say nothing has been happening though. Since the book funded, it has been through a structural edit (very few changes to were required, yay!) and a legal read (quite a lot of changes were required, not so yay). I’ve been working on disguising some of the main characters in the story more than they already were while having weird philosophical conversations with myself about where the line is between fact and fiction. For some people, all I had to do was change their names further from their original names. Considering that everyone’s names had already been altered, this doesn’t sound like it should have been a particularly onerous task. Weirdly, it took me forever. I had to find names that I could identify with the real person. I had to be able to see them, walking, talking, whatevering, but answering to the name that I had given them. It was even stranger than coming up with names for fictional characters. Overall, a fascinating process. The copy edit didn’t come up with quite as many howlers as the one for Backstreets (I’m still mortified over the stationary cupboard). But I did have a ‘peak’ instead of a ‘peek’, and a ‘bubbling’ instead of a ‘babbling’. Currently, the changes that I’ve made after the legal read are being reviewed by an editor. Once they are all locked in, I think it goes to typesetting and page proofs. Oh, and I had my picture taken for my author photo by another Helen. Helen Bates. She was very patient, managed to stop me grinning stiffly and took some ‘definitely ok’ photos. Which considering how awkward I felt in front of the camera is pretty good going. I’m waiting for the high res files to come back to choose one. Right, I think that’s me up to date. I’ll be back in touch when I have more news.
Hope all is good with you.
 Bye for now, H xx

Checking in

Hey folks,A quick update to check in and to give you the latest news. The first round of page proofs for Love Lay Down came through to me a couple of weeks ago. It is very exciting to see how the printed book is going to look (which is beautiful, by the way, even though of course I am completely biased). I’ve been through the proofs, checking that they match with the manuscript, and that all the latest changes have been incorporated. (And discovering a couple of minor mistakes on my part that slipped through despite the fact, or maybe because of the fact, that I can almost recite the entire memoir by heart). A proofreader will do the same, and then we will get the corrected (hopefully, final) version of the proofs.I had a fantastic meeting last week with Imogen, the deputy head of editorial at Unbound, who is seeing me through this stage. When the page proofs are finalised, the next step will be to see if we can persuade another writer, or several writers, to give me a potential endorsement that we can quote on the cover or inside the book. It would be amazing if we could get a couple of quotes from someone well-known, but it is a big ask. The more well-known a writer is, the more likely they are to be inundated with requests. It is a very generous thing to take the time to endorse another writer’s book. Anyway, we are not quite at that stage yet, but when the time comes, I will definitely have my fingers crossed.Two other wee bits of news that I am happy to share with you. I was super-chuffed to get an acknowledgment in the back of a book by Tabitha Wanja Mwangi for critiquing an early version of her manuscript. It is lovely to get recognised. The book is called 12 Remarkable African Life Scientists: Passion, Patience and Progress. The scientists featured are truly inspiring, and because there are quite a few people mentioned who I knew from my research days, the book has brought together my past research life with my present writing life in an unexpected way.Talking about getting names in the back of a book, I’m really happy that one of the Unbound books that I have supported, Everyone, Everywhere: Mixed Race Family Stories by Lucas Fothergill, has just reached its funding target. Crowdfunding is hard and sometimes it feels like it will never happen, but I’m delighted for Lucas and I can’t wait to read his book.That’s all for now. I’ll pop in here again when I have some more news. Helen

Hey folks, A quick update to check in and to give you the latest news. The first round of page proofs for Love Lay Down came through to me a couple of weeks ago. It is very exciting to see how the printed book is going to look (which is beautiful, by the way, even though of course I am completely biased). I’ve been through the proofs, checking that they match with the manuscript, and that all the latest changes have been incorporated. (And discovering a couple of minor mistakes on my part that slipped through despite the fact, or maybe because of the fact, that I can almost recite the entire memoir by heart). A proofreader will do the same, and then we will get the corrected (hopefully, final) version of the proofs. I had a fantastic meeting last week with Imogen, the deputy head of editorial at Unbound, who is seeing me through this stage. When the page proofs are finalised, the next step will be to see if we can persuade another writer, or several writers, to give me a potential endorsement that we can quote on the cover or inside the book. It would be amazing if we could get a couple of quotes from someone well-known, but it is a big ask. The more well-known a writer is, the more likely they are to be inundated with requests. It is a very generous thing to take the time to endorse another writer’s book. Anyway, we are not quite at that stage yet, but when the time comes, I will definitely have my fingers crossed. Two other wee bits of news that I am happy to share with you. I was super-chuffed to get an acknowledgment in the back of a book by Tabitha Wanja Mwangi for critiquing an early version of her manuscript. It is lovely to get recognised. The book is called <a href="https://kemri-wellcome.org/12remarkable-african-life-scientists-an-inspirational-book-for-young-people/">12 Remarkable African Life Scientists: Passion, Patience and Progress</a>. The scientists featured are truly inspiring, and because there are quite a few people mentioned who I knew from my research days, the book has brought together my past research life with my present writing life in an unexpected way. Talking about getting names in the back of a book, I’m really happy that one of the Unbound books that I have supported, <a href="https://unbound.com/books/everyone-everywhere" title="Everyone Everywhere">Everyone, Everywhere: Mixed Race Family Stories</a> by Lucas Fothergill, has just reached its funding target. Crowdfunding is hard and sometimes it feels like it will never happen, but I’m delighted for Lucas and I can’t wait to read his book. That’s all for now. I’ll pop in here again when I have some more news.
 Helen

An update: May 2024

Dear Lovely Supporters,A special treat today. The cover for love lay down beside me and we wept has been finalised and I am really excited to share it here first. Without further ado, here it is! I’m delighted with it. It was designed by Mark Ecob, the same designer who came up with the brilliant cover for The Backstreets of Purgatory. I’d love to share with you a bit of background about the thinking behind the concept and how we arrived at the final design.Although Mark is the designer, the whole team (editing, marketing, sales) has an input into the design. The cover of the book has to do more than just look beautiful. Among other things, it has to appeal to buyers for bookshops so they will stock it. It should give the reader a reason to pick a book up in a shop or click on a link to buy it online. It also serves to give a clue to the content of the book. And, importantly, it should be distinctive.Now, most of you will know that I was very attached to the temporary cover that we used for the crowdfunding campaign (another of Mark’s). Despite my fondness for it, it was only ever intended to be a provisional one to use on the website. Although it was a stunning image, there is no getting away from the fact that it is the portrayal of a dead bird. Perhaps a little too dark, both literally and metaphorically, to serve the book well.The new cover moves away from the concept of the bird to something more human and relatable. The figure is falling, and the rigid lines of the pages of a notebook are bending under her. I love the theme here. Writing, both academic and literary, has been a constant in my life. Are the lines going to break or will they provide a safety net? It is the perfect balance of jeopardy tinged with hope.It took a couple of rounds of back and forth before we agreed on the figure. Because love lay down is a memoir and not a work of fiction, it felt important to me that the figure was someone I could relate to (without it necessarily being me). In an earlier iteration, while very striking, the falling woman was too glamorous for anyone to possibly think she could have anything to do with me. And I had a weird thing going on with the feet. But this one is wearing trainers, and I can definitely put myself in her shoes (pardon the pun).The lower-case lettering and the clear space around it really let the title sing. And there aren’t that many books with such pale covers, so I’m sure it will stand out. I’m trying to imagine it on the shelves of a bookshop, and getting excited and nervous all over again.A big thank you to Mark and the rest of the team.That’s all for now. I’ll be back in touch again soon. Very best to you all, Helen xx

Dear Lovely Supporters, A special treat today. The cover for love lay down beside me and we wept has been finalised and I am really excited to share it <meta charset="utf-8">here first. Without further ado, here it is!
 
 <img src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/5_010b55d2-40ce-49d9-85a9-6050eb4cf24b_480x480.png?v=1719307543" alt="" data-mce-fragment="1" data-mce-src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/5_010b55d2-40ce-49d9-85a9-6050eb4cf24b_480x480.png?v=1719307543"> I’m delighted with it. It was designed by Mark Ecob, the same designer who came up with the brilliant cover for The Backstreets of Purgatory. I’d love to share with you a bit of background about the thinking behind the concept and how we arrived at the final design. Although Mark is the designer, the whole team (editing, marketing, sales) has an input into the design. The cover of the book has to do more than just look beautiful. Among other things, it has to appeal to buyers for bookshops so they will stock it. It should give the reader a reason to pick a book up in a shop or click on a link to buy it online. It also serves to give a clue to the content of the book. And, importantly, it should be distinctive. Now, most of you will know that I was very attached to the temporary cover that we used for the crowdfunding campaign (another of Mark’s). Despite my fondness for it, it was only ever intended to be a provisional one to use on the website. Although it was a stunning image, there is no getting away from the fact that it is the portrayal of a dead bird. Perhaps a little too dark, both literally and metaphorically, to serve the book well. The new cover moves away from the concept of the bird to something more human and relatable. The figure is falling, and the rigid lines of the pages of a notebook are bending under her. I love the theme here. Writing, both academic and literary, has been a constant in my life. Are the lines going to break or will they provide a safety net? It is the perfect balance of jeopardy tinged with hope. It took a couple of rounds of back and forth before we agreed on the figure. Because love lay down is a memoir and not a work of fiction, it felt important to me that the figure was someone I could relate to (without it necessarily being me). In an earlier iteration, while very striking, the falling woman was too glamorous for anyone to possibly think she could have anything to do with me. And I had a weird thing going on with the feet. But this one is wearing trainers, and I can definitely put myself in her shoes (pardon the pun). The lower-case lettering and the clear space around it really let the title sing. And there aren’t that many books with such pale covers, so I’m sure it will stand out. I’m trying to imagine it on the shelves of a bookshop, and getting excited and nervous all over again. A big thank you to Mark and the rest of the team. That’s all for now. I’ll be back in touch again soon.
 Very best to you all,
 Helen xx

Cover Reveal!!

Hi everyone, There are lots of things happening at Unbound headquarters regarding love lay down beside me and we wept and I have three exciting pieces of news to share. Exciting Piece of News Number 1 We have a publication date for the book: 20 February 2025. This is the date that it will be published in the UK and Europe, and available in bookshops (hopefully) and other retailers. Your books will probably be dispatched a little before that date. And even earlier if you have pledged for an uncorrected proof because they have already been printed. Here’s me, looking at one of the proof copies with pride (and a touch of fear), before I sign it. Exciting Piece of News Number 2 Several writers have taken the proof copy to read and agreed to give endorsements (if they like it). Elissa Soave, who wrote the prize-winning novel Ginger and Me (check it out, it’s fab…touching, funny, sad) was first off the mark. Not only did she accept my request immediately, but she messaged me as she was reading it to give me some of her thoughts. I think she realised how terrifying it is to send this sort of work out into the world. I’m hugely grateful to her, and to the others who are also reading it. It’s an act of real generosity. Exciting Piece of News Number 3 I have another important date to tell you about. 1 April 2025. Its significance? Only the date for publication of love lay down in the US and Canada. (I hope you can hear the excitement and the twenty exclamation marks that I refrained from putting after that sentence.) Housekeeping You should have received an email to say that the supporter list is closing for love lay down soon. Just a reminder, if you haven’t so done already, to check that the name listed in the back is what you intended. You have until 21 August, midnight GMT, to make any changes. To change the listed name, login, go to your account page, and under the order for love lay down it shows which name will be listed and gives you the chance to change it. It’s also a good time to check your postal address. For updating address details, simply click on . That’s all for now. Hope everyone is having a good summer. H x

Hi everyone,
There are lots of things happening at Unbound headquarters regarding love lay down beside me and we wept and I have three exciting pieces of news to share.
Exciting Piece of News Number 1
We have a publication date for the book: 20 February 2025. This is the date that it will be published in the UK and Europe, and available in bookshops (hopefully) and other retailers. Your books will probably be dispatched a little before that date. And even earlier if you have pledged for an uncorrected proof because they have already been printed. Here’s me, looking at one of the proof copies with pride (and a touch of fear), before I sign it.
<img src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/IMG_3153_480x480.jpg?v=1723475228" alt="">
 
Exciting Piece of News Number 2
Several writers have taken the proof copy to read and agreed to give endorsements (if they like it). Elissa Soave, who wrote the prize-winning novel <a title="Ginger and Me" href="https://harpercollins.co.uk/products/ginger-and-me-elissa-soave" target="_blank">Ginger and Me</a> (check it out, it’s fab…touching, funny, sad) was first off the mark. Not only did she accept my request immediately, but she messaged me as she was reading it to give me some of her thoughts. I think she realised how terrifying it is to send this sort of work out into the world. I’m hugely grateful to her, and to the others who are also reading it. It’s an act of real generosity.
 <img src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/IMG_3094_480x480.jpg?v=1723475978" alt="" data-mce-fragment="1" data-mce-src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/IMG_3094_480x480.jpg?v=1723475978">
Exciting Piece of News Number 3
I have another important date to tell you about. 1 April 2025. Its significance? Only the date for publication of love lay down in the US and Canada. (I hope you can hear the excitement and the twenty exclamation marks that I refrained from putting after that sentence.) 
 <img alt="" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/love_lay_down_1_480x480.png?v=1723475553" data-mce-src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/love_lay_down_1_480x480.png?v=1723475553" data-mce-fragment="1">
 
Housekeeping
You should have received an email to say that the supporter list is closing for love lay down soon. Just a reminder, if you haven’t so done already, to check that the name listed in the back is what you intended. You have until 21 August, midnight GMT, to make any changes. To change the listed name, login, go to your account page, and under the order for love lay down it shows which name will be listed and gives you the chance to change it. It’s also a good time to check your postal address. For updating address details, simply click on &lt;change shipment address&gt;.
 
That’s all for now.
Hope everyone is having a good summer.
H x

NEWS TIMES 3 AND SOME HOUSEKEEPING

Issy issy@unbound.co.uk

Hi folks, I am delighted to share with you some of the endorsements I had so far for love lay down beside me and we wept. Sometimes when I see endorsements on books, I wonder how they came about. Do the writers know each other? Are they all with the same publishing company? Is there a bit of mutual back scratching going on? If you aren’t a well-known, well-connected author, how do you persuade other writers to read a proof copy? As usual, although I’ve published a novel before, I feel like a novice learning on the job (albeit with a dash of healthy cynicism). My cynicism, though, has taken a back seat for a while, thanks to my own experience of the process. Firstly, let me say that Imogen, Deputy Head of Editorial, has been doing a lot of the hard work for me, contacting certain writers through their agents or through mutual contacts. The three endorsements here are from writers that I have made a connection with directly. What amazes me is that not only did they agree to read the book and say lovely things about it, but that they did it when they don’t really know me. I mentioned in my last update that Elissa Soave, author of the prize-winning Ginger and Me, was the first to send me an endorsement. I wanted to approach her for a variety of reasons. Firstly, her novel is wonderful and I really respect her writing. Secondly, it is set in Glasgow, so we have a common link. And thirdly, in the interactions that we have had on Twitter/X, mainly in our Women Writers Network twitter chats, she comes across as someone who is extremely supportive of other writers. I wasn’t mistaken. She’s been brilliant. Here’s what she had to say: Recently I haven’t been that present on social media, especially Twitter/X, but when The Backstreets of Purgatory was coming out, I was fairly active (I will get back to it soon!). Although it has a reputation of being a fairly toxic environment, I have made some fantastic Twitter writing friends. That’s why I haven’t left yet, despite my reservations. One of these writing friends is Andy West. He is a philosopher who taught philosophy in prisons. We had fascinating discussions about whether you could separate the art from the artist, particularly regarding Caravaggio (the star of Backstreets). Andy’s memoir, The Life Inside, is a thought-provoking, poignant and often funny book about teaching philosophy in prisons. His own very personal story runs in parallel. He understands exactly how terrifying it is to share intimate details of our lives, but that the fear means that what we have written is emotionally honest. Which is surely the whole point of memoir. Here’s what he wrote: The third writer here is Kevin MacNeil. I read his wonderful, laugh-out loud, tragicomedy The Brilliant and Forever about a short story competition set on a Scottish island where one of the main characters is an alpaca. It came to me at a vital point in my writing life when I was suffering from a particularly bad case of professional envy. It touches on many aspects of the writing world, including among other things what success actually means, and made me reevaluate my own feelings. Kevin is a creative writing lecturer at Stirling Uni, and when I wrote to him telling him how valuable I had found his book (not to mention funny, horrific, beautifully bizarre), he wrote me a long message back talking about some of the same themes, about how other people’s success doesn’t preclude one’s own, about realising that there are some circumstances, luck etc that are outside of our control, and that all we can do is do our best work. I was thrilled when he agreed to read the proof of love lay down. Here’s what he had to say: It has been tremendously reassuring to have these wonderful endorsements just as the book starts to go out into the world. The copies of uncorrected proof have been sent out to those people who pledged for an early version, so it is now in the hands of some readers. Nervous? Of course I am! Helen x

Hi folks,
I am delighted to share with you some of the endorsements I had so far for love lay down beside me and we wept.
Sometimes when I see endorsements on books, I wonder how they came about. Do the writers know each other? Are they all with the same publishing company? Is there a bit of mutual back scratching going on? If you aren’t a well-known, well-connected author, how do you persuade other writers to read a proof copy? As usual, although I’ve published a novel before, I feel like a novice learning on the job (albeit with a dash of healthy cynicism). 
My cynicism, though, has taken a back seat for a while, thanks to my own experience of the process. Firstly, let me say that Imogen, Deputy Head of Editorial, has been doing a lot of the hard work for me, contacting certain writers through their agents or through mutual contacts. The three endorsements here are from writers that I have made a connection with directly. What amazes me is that not only did they agree to read the book and say lovely things about it, but that they did it when they don’t really know me. 
I mentioned in my last update that Elissa Soave, author of the prize-winning Ginger and Me, was the first to send me an endorsement. I wanted to approach her for a variety of reasons. Firstly, her novel is wonderful and I really respect her writing. Secondly, it is set in Glasgow, so we have a common link. And thirdly, in the interactions that we have had on Twitter/X, mainly in our Women Writers Network twitter chats, she comes across as someone who is extremely supportive of other writers. I wasn’t mistaken. She’s been brilliant.
Here’s what she had to say:
 <img data-mce-fragment="1" alt="" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/endorsement_Elissa_480x480.png?v=1726068775" data-mce-src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/endorsement_Elissa_480x480.png?v=1726068775">
Recently I haven’t been that present on social media, especially Twitter/X, but when The Backstreets of Purgatory was coming out, I was fairly active (I will get back to it soon!). Although it has a reputation of being a fairly toxic environment, I have made some fantastic Twitter writing friends. That’s why I haven’t left yet, despite my reservations. One of these writing friends is Andy West. He is a philosopher who taught philosophy in prisons. We had fascinating discussions about whether you could separate the art from the artist, particularly regarding Caravaggio  (the star of Backstreets). Andy’s memoir, The Life Inside, is a thought-provoking, poignant and often funny book about teaching philosophy in prisons. His own very personal story runs in parallel. He understands exactly how terrifying it is to share intimate details of our lives, but that the fear means that what we have written is emotionally honest. Which is surely the whole point of memoir. Here’s what he wrote:
 <img data-mce-fragment="1" alt="" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/endorsment_Andy_480x480.png?v=1726068775" data-mce-src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/endorsment_Andy_480x480.png?v=1726068775">
The third writer here is Kevin MacNeil. I read his wonderful, laugh-out loud, tragicomedy The Brilliant and Forever about a short story competition set on a Scottish island where one of the main characters is an alpaca. It came to me at a vital point in my writing life when I was suffering from a particularly bad case of professional envy. It touches on many aspects of the writing world, including among other things what success actually means, and made me reevaluate my own feelings. Kevin is a creative writing lecturer at Stirling Uni, and when I wrote to him telling him how valuable I had found his book (not to mention funny, horrific, beautifully bizarre), he wrote me a long message back talking about some of the same themes, about how other people’s success doesn’t preclude one’s own, about realising that there are some circumstances, luck etc that are outside of our control, and that all we can do is do our best work. I was thrilled when he agreed to read the proof of love lay down. Here’s what he had to say:
<img data-mce-fragment="1" alt="" src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/endorsement_Kevin_480x480.png?v=1726068775" data-mce-src="https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0728/3615/3620/files/endorsement_Kevin_480x480.png?v=1726068775"> 
It has been tremendously reassuring to have these wonderful endorsements just as the book starts to go out into the world. The copies of uncorrected proof have been sent out to those people who pledged for an early version, so it is now in the hands of some readers. Nervous? Of course I am!
Helen x

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