Contemplating growing a beard?
You want a beard you need a beard
You’ve seen what beards can do
The confidence, the joie de vivre
But which beard is for you?
French fork, Chin puff?
Cheeky Latin wedge?
Soul patch, Neck muff?
Thick bucolic hedge?
Intellectual goatee beard?
Cultivate the shrub
Nautical, or boaty beard?
Join the beardy club
Surfy beard or folky beard?
Fluffy pubic fuzz?
Black, blond, ginger beard?
Find the beardy buzz.
Meet up with your beardy friends
In a beardy bar
Talk about a beardy band
Name a beardy star
Scratch a little, stroke a little
Stroke a little more
Twist and preen and plump and prod
Yes, that’s what beards are for
Look into the mirror
See what you can do
Who’s that bushy beardy bear?
That beardy bear is you!
Trustworthy and fun
Wholesome, wise yet vulnerable
Oh feel what you’ve become
Now customise, accessorise
Yes, strike a beardy theme
A pipe? Perhaps, a Breton shirt?
Go on; go on, some skinny jeans
Now out, out, out into the world
And execute your bearded plan
Embrace your bearded destiny
Become a bearded man!
How freakin Zeitgeist are you?
Are you local, organic, animal friendly?
Fairly traded, into bondage and Pilates, are you bendy?
Near the juice bar, with your iPad?
In your high tops, are you cool Dad?
Shivananda for your Yoga?
Are you Linked in, are you Beebo?
On your blog spot, drinking Miso?
Are you fluid, are you flexi?
Is your lifestyle well connected?
Are you posting, multi platform?
Is it Beijing that you’re back from?
Are you aware of cultural demographic shifts?
And interconnected network trends?
Yet aware of the difference in the new catagorisations?
In the world of us and those whom we call followers and friends?
Are you aware of mass customization and the 121 future?
And how black cabbage and Spanish cider fit with these developmental rules?
And that: 360 record deals
iPods as DJ decks
And rappers rapping about premium alcohol brands
Is now considered passé and deeply uncool?
Do you have an allotment?
And a bell tent, have you got one?
At a festi, set in parkland?
With a recycled wristband?
Are you surfing the eclectic?
Are you solar and electric?
Funky lifestyle, do you live one?
Or a monky's, could you give one?
So I guess what I’m kinda asking
While I’m kinda multi tasking
Is how freakin Zeitgeist are you?