"Good morning world! You b*****d!"

New year, new horizons, new update on the Talking Bottom book!

“What d’you mean ‘where’s the rest of it?’”

Sorry we've been quiet of late. We know it’s been a while since you backed our great idea in good faith and we wanted to let you know that it's very nearly done. We only get one go at getting this right and want to make sure it's as good as possible. We're aware you had likely hoped it’d happen inside a year! So did we! It’s truly amazing how much time it takes to write an entire book, especially while fitting it in around our vital new hobbies. Ange has started bus surfing, Mat’s printing his own obscenely pornographic currency and Paul’s… well, he’s mostly been w**king so no change there.

Apologies for being quiet on the socials but we didn't think it would be a good look to spend time posting memes and videos that's better spent researching and writing (so we’ve just been sending them to each other on whatsapp).

We are marking each other's homework as we speak and will soon deliver it to Unbound, who will then decide on a publishing date. We’re writing as if Skullcrusher Henderson, Mad Dog Patrick 'Do You Want Some Of This' O'Fist, Geoffrey The Psychopathic Penis Remover and Horace Big are all eagerly awaiting their copies, too. We honestly really haven’t eloped to the Bahamas. We don’t get your hard-pledged cash until the book is out in print so it’s in our own interests to finish ourselves off as soon as possible.

Sincerely - thank you so much for sticking with us. We promise it isn't going to be crap. Come on out of the corner, follow us on social media (@TalkingBottom) and if there are any Bottom fans that you think will love getting their name in the back of a book that’ll need some heavy fingering then do share the project link with them before it’s too late: https://unbound.com/books/bottom/

Must dash, the dusky maidens have finished carving us a nice bit of objet d’art and have poured out three large Malibus. We need plenty of lubrication to get our juices flowing…

Lots of (nothing sexy!) love,

The Sad Old Gits

(Mat, Angela and Paul) xxx