The quality of Backstreets Video Productions leaves something to be desired but this one took me all flipping day so go easy on me. Here are the first bunch that didn't make the cut.
Name: Uma
Occupation and distinguishing features: Art student. Shared Finn’s studio in early chapters that were cut. She was working on a set of landscapes of the Highlands and Islands that Finn considered a bit ‘tartan’ without realising her plan was to do several versions of each as if seen with various different visual conditions: colour blindness, hemianopia, cataracts, etc. She has a large friend who dresses in black and loiters in the studio disciple style, hanging on to her every word.
Finn’s take on Uma's accent: ‘Long vowels, upper class but definitely not English. Canadian or something. Posh Canadian. Did Posh Canadian exist? It seemed unlikely given the number of Glaswegians he knew who had family there.’
Finn's take on her character: ‘Watery sunshine trickled through the high window behind Uma and her friend, bathing them in dilute silver. The friend was dressed a black silky tunic and leather-effect leggings. The sunlight glistened off the oily fabrics creating the illusion of an over-sized slug. Uma, on the other hand, slim and attractive in an aggressively unadorned way, reminded Finn of a bird. A mistle thrush, he decided, and one who could quite feasibly dine on her slug friend.’
What happened to her? The early chapters were cut and the book starts with Finn’s last day at art school. However, Uma went on to get a distinction in her MFA and has since moved back to Canada to do an internship at the National Gallery of Canadian Art. She will shortly be commencing a PhD and thereafter is expected to take up a position in academia.
Name: Professor George Madden
Occupation and distinguishing characteristics: Deputy Head of the Department of Fine Art at Glasgow School of Art. Critical theorist and author of Twentieth Century British Art. Not a natural teacher. Keeps a bottle of whisky in the box files in his office for when the stress of boisterous students becomes too much. Finn is very fond of him but teases him relentlessly. George is one of the few who appreciate Finn’s talent as much as Finn himself does.
Finn’s take: ‘George: suit, Saville Row; tank top, Scottish cashmere; brogues, Italian calf leather; vocabulary, 1950s prep school. The guy was a dude.’
What happened to him? Another unfortunate casualty of the edit of the early chapters. With his disappearance, Finn is assigned a tutor he doesn't get on with. However, unbeknownst to Finn, George is still at the Art School hiding out in his office, almost certainly having a breakdown, and is likely to take an early retirement package the moment one is offered.
Name: Squirrel
Occupation and distinguishing features: Squirrel. Grey with bushy tail.
Finn’s take: ‘A flea-infested rat in fancy dress.’
What happened? After narrowly escaping serious injury under the wheels of Finn’s bike in the Botanic Gardens on New Year's Day, Squirrel’s life comes to an unexpected and premature end when he slips off the sandstone wall outside the church and gets crushed by a bin lorry on Dougal Street. He leaves a wife and two sons and a gory mess on the tarmac.