Friday, 13 November 2020
A few of you have messaged me saying things like "where's me sodding book then?" It's coming soon, on the 15th April. It got put back because of the CORONA virus, I'm not sure if you've heard of it?
100% of my work has been cancelled this year, sometimes cancelled twice so it's been quite interesting... and also awful and well I'm quite looking forward to this vaccine whenever it arrives although a friend pointed out yesterday if they vaccinate 5000 people a day it will take 38 years to vaccinate the whole country...
I feel a bit like I've lost whatever social skills I might or might not have had and now when I see other adults, mostly on the school run I don't quite know how to converse in a normal manner. Sorry if you're one of these people and i've helpfully suggested you give your kids heroin as a treat... sorry.
I should have spent the year writing another book, or cleaning my house, or marie kondoing but I haven't. I have rehomed some chickens and a rooster. The rooster is called David Tennant and the hens are called Don Mini, Pikachu, Roald Dahl, Katy Perry and Billy Eilish. Yesterday my daughter and I sat and watched them happily pecking around the garden when all of a sudden David Tennant grabbed Roald Dahl by the neck and shagged him/her/them furiously, before going back to digging for worms. It was EXACTLY like watching a David Attenborough documentary.
I've also been closely following POLITICS. Mostly what Keir Starmer is wearing at any given time. (Usually a dark blue suit, crisp white shirt and a burgandy tie), sometimes, when he's on zoom meetings he has his tie loosened a little and once he took it off completely!
I decided to write some highly erotic house of commons based fiction, so if you're into that, here are the links.
Part One (Little Donkey) Where the work experience girls helps Sir Keir Starmer birth a donkey
Part Two (A Visitor From the North at The House of Commons) When Sir Keir Starmer gets off with Andy Burnham
Hope you're all ok and I get to see you soon.