75%. We're on 75%. *Does a little crowdfunding dance* Oh, my goodness, you people are amazing! We are on the homestretch. I am overwhelmed and jazz-handing.

No, I'm being serious, I always do *jazz hands* when I'm excited by something and I do have a little crowdfunding dance - tho we all know I ain't no dancer, so it's honestly more of shimmy.

Sorry, I'm gushing. What you're all really here for is the ritual humilation of the author. As long promised, I shall read the creature's first appearance in "an offensively bad Bela Lugosi voice" while dressed as a vampire because, I don't know, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

If this is your first encounter with the novel, please do read the excerpt first because while the scene is meant to have a lightly wry vibe, it is not the schlocky farce that it will appear from this reading. That said, I have read every vampire's first appearance from every vampire novel I have read in the I.... am Draaaagguullaarrr voice at some point, so it's only fair mine gets the same treatment.

The prize draw for artwork and the recipient of the £5 book token (promised at 100 supporters and 75% respectively) will be announced on Monday.

And if you can think of any other silly things I can do to win your support, pop them below or @ me on Twitter.