All of the above, but you can be a bent copper or the Head of MI6. Plus a private photo shoot with Swinging London legend John Stoddart. Here’s some of his work
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“I loved it. It reads like a red top version of State of Play." Mark Austin, ITN
“A story so on the money that if it hasn’t happened already, it will be happening soon. Three in a Bed is a thrilling romp through the unholy trinity of media, police and security services, and the dominance of character assassination in British politics.” Peter Jukes, Author of The Fall of the House of Murdoch
“Hugely enjoyable. A sizzling romp packed with cunning, devious, bright characters.” Tim Willcox, BBC
"A page-turner that paints a thoroughly entertaining picture of the competitive, conniving, cantankerous world of newspapers that may soon belong to another age." Paul Kelso, Sky News
Three in a Bed is a contemporary novel about tabloid journalism. There's politics, intrigue, scandal, entrapment, spies, laughs … and sex. In fact, quite a lot of sex.
The story takes place over two weeks in the summer of 2014, just a few days after the hacking trial exposed the seedy underbelly of Fleet Street and we found out who was really to blame. Well sort of.
It's set against the background of real events, particularly the unsavoury threesome that involved our politicians, the police and the press. What Gordon Brown called the criminal media nexus.
But ignore the dodgy metaphor. This really is about three in a bed, a sensational full blown juicy political sex scandal.
And forget the Fake Sheikh (as you now can) - Sam Plummer is the undisputed king of the front page Sunday tabloid exposé. But in reality he's bored, on desk bound autopilot for years, reconciled to being too well paid to ever again be a 'proper' journalist. He breaks the story, an increasingly rare real scoop. Then it all goes spectacularly wrong. His life unravels as he's hounded by the media, the tables are turned and he finds himself on the receiving end. He's reluctantly forced into the public eye, the villain of the piece and focus of the media storm, his ambiguous and colourful private life graphically exposed.
He refuses the easy option to go quietly, convinced it's a conspiracy, not his cock-up. In pursuit of the truth he is outwitted by his nemesis and former protégé, a ruthless master of the 'dark arts', but carries on alone, determined to defend his trashed reputation. Sam's investigation unfolds across Europe, and in Spain leads him to 'Britain's Most Wanted Man'. As he digs deeper he realises MI6 has joined the media in their hot pursuit. Out of touch, he makes rookie mistakes, and is frustrated at every turn. He hits rock bottom appearing live on every national TV news bulletin being escorted back through Heathrow in handcuffs by armed police and Britain's top cop.
But the more hopeless, complicated and mad it gets the more he discovers how much he's loving being back in the thick of it. As time runs out he gambles everything on his instinct, his old skills returning. Helped by a motley crew of his few remaining true friends, particularly the women in his life, he fights back and uncovers a far bigger, more explosive story, triggering a national security crisis.
Exactly two weeks after the scandal broke he discovers... (cont. p94)
Andrew Croker has been in the front line of sports media for 40 years. He globe-trotted for six years for super-agent Mark McCormack. He then tried and failed over lunch in New York to sell his doomed internet start-up to Rupert Murdoch. Undaunted (right idea, wrong time) he went on to found and float the world's leading digital sports content business.
His five minutes of fame came when Ian Woosnam nearly killed him at the 1987 Ryder Cup, and he has crossed Europe twice on his bike. He now describes himself as a corporate domestique or networker. Networking being defined as an activity carefully constructed to avoid actual work.
Three in a Bed is his first novel.
SATURDAY 28th June – DAY 1
There were two girls. One was standing, her toes curled over the end of the diving board, hands up behind her head squeezing water out of her pony tail. The other was lying on a sun-bed, her back arched, laughing. Bent over her in pink turtle-covered shorts, clutching a beer, the man himself was planting a raspberry on her flat stomach.
‘Don’t be daft.’
‘So am I.’
Frank leant back in his chair, ‘Look at it, the clear sky, the villa, the splash of colour from the umbrella, the olive trees, his shorts, like Cameron’s, the light and shadows. And those girls. I’m telling you Sam, that’s art.’
‘Can I remind you we don’t have a culture section? Last Sunday we gave X-Men five stars’.
Sam was standing at the open doors that led to the terrace, looking out and back up the Thames. ‘They’re Vilebrequins.’
‘The shorts are. Don’t go all Brian Sewell, they’re just pictures that tell a story’
‘But it’s a classic, look, all four in focus, pin sharp.’
‘There’s three of them. How do you get four?’
‘Right. I still prefer the one with the tattoo sitting on him, we can see his face better, we should use that up front.’
‘But the gut hanging over his shorts is good, and then I can’t use the ‘RASPBERRY NIPPLE’ headline’ said Frank.
- 27th October 2015 THREE IN A BED .... stocking filler
"I loved it. Like a red top State of Play". Mark Austin, ITN.
If you have supported me, thanks again, if you haven't, do it by 6th November and you'll be listed as a supporter. www.unbound.co.uk/books/three-in-a-bed
In the shops/on Amazon 4th February. Working on TV rights now - we need more comedy-thrillers on TV. Enough of the weirdos and dead bodies on borders and beaches.....
Nearly…7th May 2015 Does sex sell?
Did you know that only 26% of those who eagerly started reading Fifty Shades of Grey got to the end? Maybe it proves that sex sells, even it doesn’t get read. I’m sure EL James isn’t that worried, but Hillary Clinton should be - less than 2% got to the end of her Hard Choices (aka Hard Read), and she’s going to need more fans than that.
I should point out that the book is not actually about sex…11th September 2014 THE £1 MILLION PLEDGE
BREAKING NEWS: Delighted to report that my friend and supporter Dickie Relton was the millionth pound Unbound pledge, which wins him a lifetime supply of every Unbound book. While he will never have to buy a Christmas present again, he has just realised that he will now have to convert his garage in to a library.
I am however feeling slightly guilty for casting him as the rotund and odious News…
These people are helping to fund Three In A Bed.