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Jonathan Meades is the best amateur chef in the world - MARCO PIERRE WHITE
The Plagiarist In The Kitchen is a recipe book which is also a paean to the avoidance of culinary originality (should such a thing exist), to recipe theft, to hijacking techniques and methods, to the notion that in the kitchen there is nothing new and nor can there be anything new. Anyone who claims to have 'invented' a dish is dishonest or delusional or foaming. The very title is lifted, without permission and with the gracelessness that infects Cooking World, from Julian Barnes's The Pedant In The Kitchen (plenty more to rip off there).
Cookbooks feed off cookbooks. Their authors make botched attempts to disguise the sources of their offering. But those familiar with more than half a dozen such books are acquainted with the sensation that I've read that before in - where? The successful plagiarist, as both Michel de Montaigne and T S Eliot noted, covers his tracks.
This book exhibits an absolute candour about the provenance of its content. If I know where a recipe comes from I own up to it. However, I don't copy. I steal. Then I make it my own, which is not to say that I improve it... This might be reckoned as criminally coarse as hacking down an exquisite work of, say, Alfred Gilbert and melting it for scrap. So be it. On the other hand when a recipe has in my opinion improved by tweaking or the exclusion of certain ingredients I shall point this out with the falsest modesty known to man.
The book is, further, a deflected meditation on infections of varying gravity: 'influence', 'inspiration', 'homage', 'channeling' and so on. It proposes that cooking is at best a craft and that craft must always be the same whilst art must always be different - an unoriginal dictum by the way; it is, of course, Gore Vidal's.
What do I get if I pledge?
A cookbook – or perhaps an anti-cookbook – containing 125 recipes, the fruits of a lifetime spent thinking and writing about food.
It will feature strong typography, but no photographs, no step-by-step illustrations, no delicate line drawings, and no faux antique woodcuts.
Jonathan Meades is the author of Filthy English, Peter Knows What Dick Likes, The Fowler Family Business, Museum Without Walls and Pompey. These last two were funded and published by Unbound, as was his boxette of postcards, Pidgin Snaps. In 2014, he published the first volume of his autobiography, An Encyclopedia of Myself. His many films for the BBC include Abroad in Britain, Meades Eats, Meades on France and, most recently, The Joy of Essex and Bunkers, Brutalism and Bloodymindedness Concrete Poetry. In 2015 he is releasing his first vinyl album, Pedigree Mongrel, a collaboration with Mordant Music featuring specially-recorded readings from his books.
He also knows about food. For 15 years he was the food critic of The Times: he put his mouth where our money was. And he knows the truth about the British gastronomic revolution: he's tried everything once. He knows the human cost of spending three weeks in the Fens or a month in Worcester. He's been served raw bacon on the Isle of Wight and was told he was a fussy eater to have complained. He has eaten at Gannets in Aberystwyth and lived to tell the tale. Despite this gastromatyrdom, he still likes to cook.
The Plagiarist in the Kitchen is his first cookbook.
'Meades has been compared, favourably, to Rabelais and, flatteringly, to Swift. The truth is that he outstrips both in the gaudiness of his imagination.'
HENRY HITCHINGS, TLS
'Whatever he is doing and however he is doing it, he will make you think.’
LUCY MANGAN, Guardian
‘A human Enigma machine...Jonathan Meades is the Jonathan Meades of our generation.’
Sceptical, forthright, unbiddable and seriously droll.'
ANTHONY QUINN, Metro
Meades is brainy, scabrous, mischievous and a bugger to pigeonhole: a fizzing anomaly in today's landscape of banality-spouting identikit presenters.'
TIM TEEMAN, The Times
The scope of his ideas, the force of his arguments, the sheer vitality of his sentences: these things come at you like negative ions after a storm, with the result that you soon start to feel an awful lot better –envious but revitalised, too.'
RACHEL COOKE, New Statesman
Poulet a l'Oignon / Chicken and onions
This comes from my friend Jean-Pierre Xiradakis who serves it at La Tupina in Bordeaux, a restaurant that has been rightly hymned as 'paleolithic'. It is possibly the best restaurant in the world, certainly my favourite...Xiradakis got this dish from the writer and journalist Yves Harté who in turn got it from his mother who...
The recipe he gives in La Cuisine de La Tupina proposes that for four people a chicken should be cut into eight pieces. I prefer to use four legs since they will all cook at the same rate. I also double the quantity of onions that he prescribes (think of soup the next day).
2 kg sweet onions
4 chicken legs
1 glass of chicken stock
1 glass of white wine (optional)
a few scraps of raw ham (optional)
Slice the onions thinly. If your processor has the right kit use it. Whatever you do don't turn them to mush. Do NOT sweat them. Trust me.
Brown the chicken legs in duck fat or olive oil.
Put half the sliced onions in a high sided pan with a lid.
Add the chicken legs ( and ham scraps).
Put in the rest of the onions so that the legs are buried.
Pour in stock (and wine).
Cook at mk 4 for an hour.
As Xiradakis says you will have scented the whole house.
Guinea fowl legs with branch celery is a spin-off worth investigating. Again, slice the celery thinly but don't blanch it. Do brown the legs.
Pasta e Ceci / Pasta and Chickpeas
This one fell off the back of Alastair Little. It also derives from the version served at Mimi alla Ferrovia in Naples. There is a further correspondence, with the Cypriot houmous soup prepared long ago by the Koritsas family at their delightful café opposite Camden Town underground station
500 gr chickpeas
500 gr pasta (rombi or pappardelle)
4 sticks celery
6 cloves garlic
Soak chickpeas overnight. Cook them for a three or more hours with the hambone at a low temperature, just simmering. Sweat celery and garlic. When they're soft add nearly all the cooked chickpeas. Put the lot through the processor. Use chickpea water and oil to get a soupy consistency. Cook the pasta, add to the soup. Decorate with the remaining chickpeas - or don't bother.
- 18th August 2015 Pommes Boulangères
There's absolutely no point in doing this unless you have a good stock. That means not using a stock cube. No point equally if you have potatoes that are floury and will fall apart.
Stock - chicken / beef / duck / pheasant
Slice onions and garlic.
Cook slowly for 30-40 minutes. Do not let them colour.
Oil a gratin dish.
Slice potatoes…11th August 2015 Own an original Meades
As well as writing books, making films about places and stealing other peoples' recipes, Jonathan Meades also makes art.
In January 2016 he will be mounting a one man show at the Londonewcastle Space in Redchurch Street, Shoreditch. The show will comprise works on paper and canvas. They will vary in size from A3 to 3 metres by 2 metres.
This stuff is a continuation - and, evidently…5th August 2015 Frico
This is a dish that appears not to have travelled far beyond Friuli and even there it's hardly commonplace. There are numerous ways of making it. Indeed the name is also attached to a dish of scalloped potatoes which bears no ressemblence to the excellent version served at the Hotel Franz in Gradisca d'Isonzo 40km north of Trieste. The balance of cheese and potato is crucial. The ordained cheese is…20th July 2015 FLYER17th July 2015 Parmentier
Shepherd's pie is an accredited health hazard in canteens, schools, hospitals.
Hachis parmentier is very different.
Still, here is the one shepherd's pie recipe that is worth essaying. It was my father's. His genes and voice apart I have not nicked much from him so am unabashed about this theft.
Leftover lamb leg or shoulder
Milk…6th July 2015 Gigot de la Clinique
The best known recipe in the Alice B Toklas Cook Book is for hashish fudge. She got the recipe from Brion Gysin who had got it in Tangier where it would have been known as mahjoun. It is of Berber origin. The problem with it is the problem of cannabis in any form - it turns the most delightful people into dull obsessives or insensate, giggling bores or borderline psychotics. Protracted exposure to…11th June 2015 Elephant gratin
"Copy anyone but never copy yourself." Picasso did not of course heed his own advice. Self-plagiarism is probably the most common form of plagiarism. The perpetrator fails to notice - for this or that tic has become a habit, an unacknowledged signature. Equally likely he hopes the world won't notice it. After all, it's just about not straying from one's familiar territory.. .Maybe comfort zones should…
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