Tuesday, 20 December 2016
On the 100th (Percent) Day of Christmas
Hello everyone, new and, and, er, well, there’s no two ways about it… veteran. We’ve been on this raft, drifting at the whim of the curren-sea for so many years, half of us now have grey beards, long enough to match Darwin, and that’s just the …… no, no, I’ll stop there.
But, like the cavalry arriving in the nick of time on theiiiir…um… SEAhorses! yes that’s it. Galloping in on their seahorses pledging went crazy this last week. Two subscribers who would rather remain anonymous have pushed us within a gnat’s whisker of our ultimate goal [the pub?, ed.]. I will of course honour their wishes and the trust that they have placed in me, and the large spiky thing that they’ll replace it with, if I break the injunction (Elton and David, you can relax, entre nous *wink*).
The rest of us can almost put our feet up, just lie back on the meadow grass, looking up, watching the planes go by, unless it’s an empty sky, but not quite yet. Well, i’m still standing, like a bleedin’ scarecrow, because, while someone saved my life tonight, and it was beginning to feel like sixty years on here, so i’m really relieved it’s taken off like a rocket. Man! Am I ever. But, the fat lady hasn’t sung the last song yet. In fact, she’s nipped out somewhere, so until the bitch is back, I’m going to keep plugging the book, like a runaway train, whoo whoo! As you know, we can only get this into print at 100%, and you’ve all shown you have a good heart, and made that all important sacrifice, here in the UK, and in the USA, and in fact, all over the world, because of me, this madman across the water. And, I must apologise, for begging so much. I’m really, sor…, crikey, sometimes “sorry” seems to be the hardest word to say but, yes, sorry, and you’ve been amazingly patient, listening to me, constantly pleading for pledges when i’m not writing. Well, I don't wanna go on with you like that. We’ve almost made it, and the countdown clock is ticking. Hey! Wouldn’t be amazing if we got to fully funded before we step into Christmas? How many days is that? I'll ask my lady, what's tomorrow? Wednesday, hmmm. So, that means, it’s Tuesday today, so w … we have to do it by, Thursd…, Trida…, yes! If you’re up for it,… Saturday night's alright, for fighting right up to the last minute, to make it over that finish line. Then it’ll be curtains. Yeah! Who’s in? Aren’t we awesome, Yay! Can you feel the love tonight? We could have a party. I’ll bring the elderberry wine. Have you still got your 5th Harmony CD? It’s got your song, the one you like on it. Note to self: must remember to put some coins in the meter for the electricity. It’s going to be loud man, like it’ll be like freaks in love, like that club at the end of the street. Yeah, us all inside, dancing downstairs and laughing, and there’ll be dancing everywhere, so many people, and you’ll look up and it’ll look like there’s a tiny dancer at the top of the stairs, and there’ll be all like crazy costumes, Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters, Roy Rogers, Hercules, Dan Dare (Pilot of the Future) and a sweet painted lady, and a queue for the toilet, waiting until Oscar Wilde gets out (who’s really Daniel from Grimsby). But, one thing, it can’t get as nuts as last time, when I came home again, and there were dogs in the kitchen and they spotted the honky cat, and all the nasties went crazy, like an act of war, and the house fell down.
It didn’t really folks, but if you can find the Elton John songs in that paragraph then I’ll find a special Darwin related prize (or something just as good) for you (pledgers only please). Send me your answers to email@example.com
Thank you all sincerely — this project would not in the happy place it is right now without every single one of you.
I’m away for a week or two over the festive period, so I’ll sort through my emails when I get back. And of course, I’ll be adding posts here, in our Shed, right through to publication day, and beyond, as Buzz… [we’ve had enough rocket men, thanks. ed.]
Meanwhile, have a great break yourselves, and if you’re not having a break because someone has to keep the place running until the rest of us lazy lot get back, then an extra thank you too.