It came, and it went, and no-one was covered in sick; my Book Launch Adventure.
Tuesday, 11 September 2018
It happened the launch of Sour Fruit my debut novel.
Elbow deep in smoked salmon and bubbles isn’t a bad way to spend your Saturday evening, having to do a speech and not vomit over yourself with nerves is less fun, but I didn’t choose the author life the author life chose me.
But you’ll be happy to learn I kept the corroding carrots firmly in my gut, and mingled…
Don't judge a book by its cover...
Sunday, 8 July 2018
Or another way to look at it is...
Look at how fantastic and amazing and the utter dog's bollocks my book cover is. So grimy and yellow and eye-slapping bold, like Steve Buscemi taking a drunken piss on Donald Trump's leg.
Fancy a wicked read, then pre-order my spankin' book here.
The process took quite a few back and forths, the fabulous designer Mark from Mecob Design gave me a good old-fashioned…
Don't live your life in regret.
Wednesday, 27 June 2018
The final call, end of the line, last orders.
It's time people... It. Is. Time.
My book is going to print soon and that means, I'm going to be a Goddam author bitches.
Argh!!!! Cue running around and nutting everything... like a jackhammer, like a demented animal... like a toddler. Have you seen those things tear up a party? Brutal. But enough…
Let's get sneaky.
Thursday, 14 June 2018
A cheeky sneaky peek at my debut novel
Hello, my lovely jubbly pleaders!
It's getting close... so flipping close I can smell the trees' fear in the paper, can hear the dripping of ink. So to celebrate here is a totally fabulous sneak peek into the world of Kingston. The city Onion ends up in, a rotting scrap yard of misery, a river city in a country plagued by floods.
Please don't think I don't love you..
Thursday, 15 March 2018
Please don't think I don't love you... because I do.
I love all of my pledgers with a fierce and unearthly passion that only a strange crowdfunding writer could.
Don't think that a lack of Updates means a lack of feeling. It's just this year has held weird new lands for me and navigating them was filled with adventure and challenges fit for a wannabe Frodo. (I am size appropriate, which helps…
There can be only one
Friday, 24 November 2017
So my Sour Fruit manuscript has now winged its way to my Copy Editor, who will comb and comb and comb until everything is as shiny and glossy as an Afghan hound at Crufts. What do Copy Editors do you ask? They make grammar their bitch.
Before we continue I’d like us to bow our heads for a moment's silence while we think of the poor soul having to check MY spelling, grammar…
Goddamn Grace Jones on Crack Delusion
Wednesday, 8 November 2017
So this Update has been a long time coming, like Leo’s Oscar or the second season of Twin Peaks or Mrs Ryan Gosling*. Wink wink.
*I know that Mrs Ryan Gosling is actually a successful woman in her own right, the wonderful Eva Mendes, but the joke doesn’t work if I say her name, because let’s face it, unless your wading through The Daily Mail’s sidebar of shame you probably have no…
Blow Your Nipples Off!
Thursday, 24 August 2017
So super huge, jungle-sized blow your nipples off thank you!
What can I say, the sarcasm crusted creature I keep in my rib cage wants to make some flippant comment about the power of pestering, and how thankful you’ll all be to not see my video lurk all over your timeline ever again*, but… I’m feeling. How do I describe it… it tastes like vodka and mucky laughs. Smells like glitter. Feels like…
I'd do anything for a pack of mince.
Friday, 4 August 2017
Boom - it be Friday...
...Unless you’re not in the office today and haven’t opened your email until Monday in which case that first statement is both a lie and let-down. (A familiar feeling for a certain 1st lady I suppose.)
Let’s plough on, because we all have cocktails and bunking off to get to, this Friday. The last few weeks have been a bit gougy, I hit a wall hard, with the dick number…
Thursday, 20 July 2017
What an amazing night, filled with interesting, brave, fantastic people.
The first ever Leeds Book Jam was a roaring success.
Once I’d read my very hurried and slightly breathless reading my enjoyment levels went through the roof and a large glass of wine went down the hatch.
We had an amazing MC in the wonderful (good at accents) Claire Patel-Campbell…
Love You Long Time...
Tuesday, 11 July 2017
So my master plan for book domination continues…
Love You Long Time Packs
If you know the right person (me) then this weekend you might have received a cute little something in the post. For some of my amazing pledgers (basically the people I bore the most with my dreaming of authorship). I’ve sent …a …well… it’s a straight up bribe.
No One Escapes
Tuesday, 27 June 2017
So, you lucky gorgeous pledgers you, today I have a short story for you. Set in my Kingston World, (but a prequel so not in Kingston yet) with my vicious little Onion at the helm. Written just for you and although it will feature on my blog, only my Mum and spammers ever find their way into that dusty corner of dead dreams and back breaking pointlessness. So wrap up warm in the cardigan of exclusivity…
Friday, 19 May 2017
Hello you gorgeous little nuggets of fun,
Wanna see something cool?
So I’ve been an industrious little Yorkshire lass, toiling away in my bunker, prep prep prepping for the big one. Searching how to survive, hunting for truths, raging against losing my mind, (and by bunker I mean my office with adorable unicorn tape dispenser, and by big one I mean 50% funded and by raging against losing my…
Thursday, 27 April 2017
After spending so long writing and rewriting; edit after edit of the darn thing, here I am in the belly of an unknown and strange beast called, ‘So Close’. It’s surreal like waking up half drunk, half naked in a port-a-loo at Glasto; you ‘ish remember how you got there, but you’ve no idea where the goat came from.
But here we are, no going back. The final draft is almost done, by which I mean;…