#Sonnets

By Lucien Young

A Shakespearean take on such topics as Kim Kardashian, Tinder and Pikachu.

Humour | Illustrated
102% funded
334 supporters
On press

Publication date: October 2019

Support this project
It’s happening. #Sonnets is at the printers and will be shipping to supporters as soon as the ink is dry.
$15 
86 pledges

Digital

A digital copy of the book
Choose this reward

Sold out!

$25  + shipping
154 pledges

Hardback

A first edition of the hardback plus the ebook
$35  + shipping
43 pledges

Collectable

A SIGNED first edition of the hardback plus the ebook and your name in the back of the book.
$45  + shipping
12 pledges

Scribbler

A first edition hardback, ebook, plus a set of 5 postcards of the author’s favourite #Sonnets.
$50  + shipping
9 pledges

Two Books

Two copies of the first edition hardback, plus the ebook. *Only pay one lot of shipping.
$50  + shipping
2 pledges

Queen Kim

An exclusive high quality art print of Queen Kim Kardashian, by artist Ollie Mann, plus a SIGNED first edition hardback and the ebook.
$55  + shipping
6 pledges

Signed Scribbler

A SIGNED first edition hardback, ebook, plus a set of 5 postcards of the author’s favourite #Sonnets.
$65  + shipping
7 pledges

Wordsmith

A first edition hardback, ebook, plus a limerick written about you or the subject of your choice.
$80  + shipping
2 pledges

Art Connoisseur

A set of three high quality art prints by artist Ollie Mann featuring Kim K, Snoop Dogg, and another favourite to be chosen specially by Lucien. Plus a SIGNED copy of the hardback and the ebook.
$125  + shipping
14 pledges

Muse

A first edition hardback, ebook, plus an original sonnet written about you or the subject of your choice.
$305  + shipping
3 pledges

Poet-in-Residence

Lucien will write a brand new #Sonnet on the subject of your choosing to be included in the book. Your sonnet will be personally dedicated to you, forever immortalised in print! Plus a SIGNED copy of the hardback and the ebook. *The topic is subject to author approval, limited to 5.
$605  + shipping
1 pledge

Noble Patron

A SIGNED first edition hardback, ebook, plus a series of FIVE hilarious sonnets written about you or the subject(s) of your choice.
$910  + shipping

Poet Laureate

A SIGNED first edition hardback, ebook, plus a series of FIVE hilarious sonnets written about you or the subject(s) of your choice, PLUS a high-quality recording of the author reading them.
$1,210  + shipping
1 pledge

Monarch

Two signed hardbacks, ebook, set of five postcards, plus the author will come to the venue of your choice and read a selection of his sonnets, including one written specially for the occasion.

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"O Heisenberg, did not that shaven head

Contain the thought thy wicked deeds could scar thee?

Thou should’st have taught thy chemistry instead

Of cooking crystal in some antique RV..."

From #Sonnet No. 14 - Walter White.

 

For hundreds of years, the sonnet has captivated poets, including its most famous practitioner, William Shakespeare. Alas, Shakespeare never used his command of iambic pentameter to explore such vital subjects as Snapchat, porn or Austin Powers. Enter comedian and too-much-time-on-his-hands-haver Lucien Young. While Shakespeare only wrote 154 sonnets, Lucien has written 155, making him one better. While Shakespeare kept his feelings on Spider-Man secret, Lucien has no such qualms. And while the immortal bard is unlikely to write you a personalised verse in exchange for £100, Lucien will very much do that…

 

 

#Sonnets is a collection of finely-wrought poems on hilariously inappropriate themes. Concerning celebrities like Donald Trump, Kanye West and Marge Simpson, as well as such modern ephemera as texting, wifi and viagra, each verse packs a multitude of gags into its fourteen lines. As with his previous literary pastiches, Alice in Brexitland and Trump’s Christmas Carol, the author has strived to make this book not only funny, but also an accomplished parody of the original. In addition, #Sonnets features gorgeous contributions from the illustrator Ollie Mann, making it an ideal gift. Whether you're a comedy fan, a lover of poetry, or just someone who wants to read an ode to RoboCop, this is the book for you.

About the Book

  • 176 page hardback with cloth-effect cover. 
  • Small, portable format, 111 x 178mm.
  • Black and white illustrations throughout by Ollie Mann
  • 155 original sonnets of outstanding skill and humour. Shakespeare would be totally owned in a sonnet-rap battle with this guy.

 

A Note from the Author

I know what thou art thinking: why did I

These sonnets write in twenty-seventeen?

Do I imagine there are people keen

To give my poor pentameter a try?

And, furthermore, who do I hope will buy

A book that doth the noble form demean

With subject matter frivolous, obscene

And quite impossible to dignify?

In truth, I needed it to occupy

My febrile brain, for what a year it’s been

I thought I could, with verse iambic, pry

Some sense from nonsense, and our modern scene

Depict and mock, while using ‘thee’ and ‘thy’

In pages fit to rest by thy latrine.

 

 

Quick select rewards

$15 
86 pledges

Digital

A digital copy of the book
Choose this reward
$25  + shipping
154 pledges

Hardback

A first edition of the hardback plus the ebook
  • Lucien Young avatar

    Lucien Young

    Lucien Young (@LucienDYoung) is a comedy writer who has worked on various TV programmes, including BBC Three's Siblings and Murder in Successville, as well as authoring two humour books, Alice in Brexitland and Trump’s Christmas Carol. He was born in Newcastle in 1988 and read English at the University of Cambridge, where he was a member of the world-famous Footlights Club. He hopes that writing this bio in the third person will make him sound legit.

  • A Selection of #Sonnets

     

     

    Kim Kardashian

    When I beheld upon my laptop screen

    The best and brightest of our earthly stars

    As cover girl of Paper magazine

    With gloves and pearls and glist’ning, global arse

    Then did my heart with foreign feelings flare

    For little had I known erotic passion

    Ere I had glimpsed thy shining derriere

    And learned thy gilded name, O Kim Kardashian!

    But soon my soul did grieve, for I did think

    Of how thy form enpixelled might remain

    That, IRL, my lips might never drink

    A glass of thy butt-balancèd champagne

    I need thee, Kim, so prithee do not let

    My heart be broken like the internet!

     

    Netflix

    How I do thrill at thy great panoply!

    Thine endless content doth my heart content

    Ne'er do I grudge thy small subscription fee

    Much less the countless hours on thee spent

    For when I would my thirsting laptop slake

    Assemblest thou the songs of sundry bards

    One eve I shall of Stranger Things partake

    The next of Narcos, Love or House of Cards

    Alas, at times thy wares are so arousing

    I cannot choose, and, vainly scrolling on,

    I waste my day a thousand programmes browsing

    And lose the chance to watch a single one

    Man's heart, though lacking naught, still wanteth more 

    And thus a wealth of choice doth make us poor.

     

    Read more...
  • 17th July 2019 GRATITUDE

    Dear legends, whose extreme munificence

    And fine discernment know no earthly measure,

    Today my gratitude is most intense,

    For this PM, I had the untold pleasure

    To pop into Unbound, the publisher

    Of #Sonnets — wondrous tome, though small —

    And sign some copies, making doubly sure

    My name was legible, and not some scrawl

    As might abash a schoolboy; aye, I’ve striven

    To make…

    3rd April 2019 EMERGENCY BROADCAST

    My precious lovelies,

     

    Having received multiple accounts of supporters rending their garments, falling to their knees, and screaming “where, oh where, is #Sonnets?!?!”, I thought I’d make an update.

     

    I’m happy to report that the manuscript is being typeset, the cover is looking fit AF, and the illustrations are complete/gorgeous. Perhaps most pressingly, the supporters list will close…

    29th December 2018 HO HO HO!

    Season's Greetings to you, my treasured supporters! As you've all been very good this year, I'm stuffing your e-stocking with two sonnet-y gifts. First, here's a verse I wrote to mark the occasion:

    Secondly, I'm thrilled to report that Ollie Mann has delivered a full consignment of illustrations! They're glorious, and, as a token of my regards, here's one to whet your appetite:

    Can you…

    21st November 2018 A CONSUMMATION DEVOUTLY TO BE WISHED

    You lovely people! You've only gone and funded #Sonnets! I'm beyond thrilled that this daft book of mine will now progress to the editorial stage and be published in the New Year. As allergic to sincerity as I am, I'm truly grateful for the support you've shown me. The crowdfunding mountain has, at times, seemed insurmountable, but your kind comments and generous pledges were my Sherpa Tenzing. Genuinely…

    1st November 2018 NINETY PERCENT!

    Dear fair youths and dark ladies,

    Your boy’s cock-a-hoop to report that #Sonnets is now 90% funded, with a total of 300 backers! I feel like a modern Leonidas, without the impressive physique, slow motion fight scenes or weird xenophobia. To celebrate, I’ve naturally whipped up a little something for my noble patrons…

    So yes, just ten percent remains — one for each syllable in a line of…

    4th October 2018 A MESSAGE TO MY PATRONS

    Dear fairest creatures,

    I hope each and every one of you is enjoying a glut of gaiety, an excess of ecstasy and a surfeit of the superb. As for me, I’m a’ight. Pleased and grateful that #Sonnets is now 85% funded. Eager and impatient to smash through that remaining fifteen and get the thing into bookshops both reputable and not.

    Thanks again for your generosity in funding this cavalcade of silliness…

    17th September 2018 EIGHTY AND FEELIN’ GREAT-Y

    My dearest darlings,



    I’m pleased to a punch-like extent to report that #Sonnets has crossed the 80% mark. I also got engaged this weekend, so it’s been a heady few days. Anyway, the printing presses lie ready and the sonnet-reading public slavers with anticipation, so I must continue my quest to get this deeply daft opus into your hands. To tide you over till then, here’s a sonnet I wrote for the…

    30th August 2018 SEVENTY-FIVE!

    Beloved Patrons,

    I'm pleased to inform you that everyone's favourite compendium of daft sonnets is now THREE-QUARTERS FUNDED! Mad gratitude and fulsome thanks to every one of you for getting us to this point. I'm nothing if not predictable, so I've written a sonnet to mark the occasion:

    Fingers crossed it won't be too long before the thing hits its target. If you'd be kind enough to share…

    2nd August 2018 When I'm Sixty-Four

    Dear all,

    I'm jubilant to report that #Sonnets is currently 64% funded! 64 is, as we all know, a superperfect number, i.e. a positive integer n that satisfies

    where σ is the divisor summatory function. Anyway, this struck me as an ideal time to share with you a new piece of art by Ollie Mann:

    Pretty cool, right? It's also representative of the kind of dope-ass illustration your pledges…

    20th July 2018 HALFWAY THERE

    We've hit 50%! Callooh and, to a lesser extent, callay! In celebration, here's an exclusive sonnet about my recent experiences...

    All jokes aside, I hugely appreciate the support of each and every one of you. It's thrilling to think that this profoundly daft book is now closer than not to being funded. I can't wait to get it out there, so please share, retweet, message a friend or hold a billionaire…

    4th July 2018 'TIS COMING HOME

    Dear all,

    I thought I'd share with you a sonnet I live-wrote during yesterday's World Cup match, mainly as a means of coping with extreme stress:

    Campaign-wise, we're up to 47%, so not all that far from reaching our goal (GET IT?). To hasten the process, it would be lovely if you could whack the share button on social media. Hope everyone's having a splendid summer, football fan and football…

    4th June 2018 TO MY HEROIC SUPPORTERS

    42 (forty-two) is a number fraught with significance. It was famously Douglas Adams’ Answer to the Question of Life, The Universe and Everything. Multiply it by ten and you get the time stoners commence their chiefing of the kind bud. It was also the age at which Prince Albert died, presumably from the shock of discovering they’d named a cock ring after him. Most pertinently to us, 42 is the percent…

    21st May 2018 'With Nature's own hand painted...'

    Dear legends,

     

    Each of you has my eternal gratitude for pledging towards #Sonnets, but did you know you're not just supporting daft poetry? No, your kindness is also funding a tonne of gorgeous, Elizabethan-style illustrations from the disgustingly talented Ollie Mann. I imagine you've already seen his Kim Kardashian, so here's Ollie's take on my Snoop Dogg sonnet:

     

     

    Pretty great…

    11th May 2018 A THIRD!

    Today’s a day both wonderful and stirring

    For now the pledges that I hath incurred

    Doth stand at thirty-three point three recurring

    Which sweet percentage we may call a third

    But, though I fear this seems fanatical,

    I cannot rest or let my effort slow

    For, using powers mathematical,

    I glean that we have two thirds yet to go

    Therefore I doth implore thee, pledger kind,

    Fair patron, who would…

    23rd April 2018 A Sonnet Upon Reaching 25%

    Dear lords and ladies, who doth pledge thy name

    That I, poor fool, might make these humble verses,

    Lend me your ears, for now I would proclaim

    The wondrous news my fervent brain rehearses!

    ’Tis bliss immeasurable to be alive

    Upon this golden, many-splendored day:

    Thy pledges to percentage twenty-five

    Are climbed, which I with joyous eye survey!

    ’Tis true, three quarters more…

    17th April 2018 THE BIG TWO-OH

    Well, I’m delighted to report that #Sonnets is 20% funded! As the proud bearer of a B in GCSE Mathematics, I can tell you that this means we’re a fifth of our way to publication. A FIFTH! Just like Beethoven’s greatest symphony, the day in November we’re meant to remember, and the amount of vodka Eminem drank before he asked if you dared him to drive! Hmm, ‘fifth’ is a weird word when you keep looking…

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