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A Shakespearean take on such topics as Kim Kardashian, Tinder and Pikachu.

"O Heisenberg, did not that shaven head

Contain the thought thy wicked deeds could scar thee?

Thou should’st have taught thy chemistry instead

Of cooking crystal in some antique RV..."

From #Sonnet No. 14 - Walter White.

 

For hundreds of years, the sonnet has captivated poets, including its most famous practitioner, William Shakespeare. Alas, Shakespeare never used his command of iambic pentameter to explore such vital subjects as Snapchat, porn or Austin Powers. Enter comedian and too-much-time-on-his-hands-haver Lucien Young. While Shakespeare only wrote 154 sonnets, Lucien has written 155, making him one better. While Shakespeare kept his feelings on Spider-Man secret, Lucien has no such qualms. And while the immortal bard is unlikely to write you a personalised verse in exchange for £100, Lucien will very much do that…

 

 

#Sonnets is a collection of finely-wrought poems on hilariously inappropriate themes. Concerning celebrities like Donald Trump, Kanye West and Marge Simpson, as well as such modern ephemera as texting, wifi and viagra, each verse packs a multitude of gags into its fourteen lines. As with his previous literary pastiches, Alice in Brexitland and Trump’s Christmas Carol, the author has strived to make this book not only funny, but also an accomplished parody of the original. In addition, #Sonnets features gorgeous contributions from the illustrator Ollie Mann, making it an ideal gift. Whether you're a comedy fan, a lover of poetry, or just someone who wants to read an ode to RoboCop, this is the book for you.

About the Book

  • 176 page hardback with cloth-effect cover. 
  • Small, portable format, 111 x 178mm.
  • Black and white illustrations throughout by Ollie Mann
  • 155 original sonnets of outstanding skill and humour. Shakespeare would be totally owned in a sonnet-rap battle with this guy.

 

A Note from the Author

I know what thou art thinking: why did I

These sonnets write in twenty-seventeen?

Do I imagine there are people keen

To give my poor pentameter a try?

And, furthermore, who do I hope will buy

A book that doth the noble form demean

With subject matter frivolous, obscene

And quite impossible to dignify?

In truth, I needed it to occupy

My febrile brain, for what a year it’s been

I thought I could, with verse iambic, pry

Some sense from nonsense, and our modern scene

Depict and mock, while using ‘thee’ and ‘thy’

In pages fit to rest by thy latrine.

 

 

Lucien Young (@LucienDYoung) is a comedy writer who has worked on various TV programmes, including BBC Three's Siblings and Murder in Successville, as well as authoring two humour books, Alice in Brexitland and Trump’s Christmas Carol. He was born in Newcastle in 1988 and read English at the University of Cambridge, where he was a member of the world-famous Footlights Club. He hopes that writing this bio in the third person will make him sound legit.

A Selection of #Sonnets

 

 

Kim Kardashian

When I beheld upon my laptop screen

The best and brightest of our earthly stars

As cover girl of Paper magazine

With gloves and pearls and glist’ning, global arse

Then did my heart with foreign feelings flare

For little had I known erotic passion

Ere I had glimpsed thy shining derriere

And learned thy gilded name, O Kim Kardashian!

But soon my soul did grieve, for I did think

Of how thy form enpixelled might remain

That, IRL, my lips might never drink

A glass of thy butt-balancèd champagne

I need thee, Kim, so prithee do not let

My heart be broken like the internet!

 

Netflix

How I do thrill at thy great panoply!

Thine endless content doth my heart content

Ne'er do I grudge thy small subscription fee

Much less the countless hours on thee spent

For when I would my thirsting laptop slake

Assemblest thou the songs of sundry bards

One eve I shall of Stranger Things partake

The next of Narcos, Love or House of Cards

Alas, at times thy wares are so arousing

I cannot choose, and, vainly scrolling on,

I waste my day a thousand programmes browsing

And lose the chance to watch a single one

Man's heart, though lacking naught, still wanteth more 

And thus a wealth of choice doth make us poor.

 

Read more...

'TIS COMING HOME

Wednesday, 4 July 2018

Img 4923

Dear all,

I thought I'd share with you a sonnet I live-wrote during yesterday's World Cup match, mainly as a means of coping with extreme stress:

Campaign-wise, we're up to 47%, so not all that far from reaching our goal (GET IT?). To hasten the process, it would be lovely if you could whack the share button on social media. Hope everyone's having a splendid summer, football fan and football…

TO MY HEROIC SUPPORTERS

Monday, 4 June 2018

42 (forty-two) is a number fraught with significance. It was famously Douglas Adams’ Answer to the Question of Life, The Universe and Everything. Multiply it by ten and you get the time stoners commence their chiefing of the kind bud. It was also the age at which Prince Albert died, presumably from the shock of discovering they’d named a cock ring after him. Most pertinently to us, 42 is the percent…

'With Nature's own hand painted...'

Monday, 21 May 2018

Snoop

Dear legends,

 

Each of you has my eternal gratitude for pledging towards #Sonnets, but did you know you're not just supporting daft poetry? No, your kindness is also funding a tonne of gorgeous, Elizabethan-style illustrations from the disgustingly talented Ollie Mann. I imagine you've already seen his Kim Kardashian, so here's Ollie's take on my Snoop Dogg sonnet:

 

 

Pretty great…

A THIRD!

Friday, 11 May 2018

Today’s a day both wonderful and stirring

For now the pledges that I hath incurred

Doth stand at thirty-three point three recurring

Which sweet percentage we may call a third

But, though I fear this seems fanatical,

I cannot rest or let my effort slow

For, using powers mathematical,

I glean that we have two thirds yet to go

Therefore I doth implore thee, pledger kind,

Fair patron, who would…

A Sonnet Upon Reaching 25%

Monday, 23 April 2018

Dear lords and ladies, who doth pledge thy name

That I, poor fool, might make these humble verses,

Lend me your ears, for now I would proclaim

The wondrous news my fervent brain rehearses!

’Tis bliss immeasurable to be alive

Upon this golden, many-splendored day:

Thy pledges to percentage twenty-five

Are climbed, which I with joyous eye survey!

’Tis true, three quarters more…

THE BIG TWO-OH

Tuesday, 17 April 2018

Well, I’m delighted to report that #Sonnets is 20% funded! As the proud bearer of a B in GCSE Mathematics, I can tell you that this means we’re a fifth of our way to publication. A FIFTH! Just like Beethoven’s greatest symphony, the day in November we’re meant to remember, and the amount of vodka Eminem drank before he asked if you dared him to drive! Hmm, ‘fifth’ is a weird word when you keep looking…

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