Reptile Resistance

By John Crump and C M Taylor

An immersive narrative app for fiction lovers. Gather the evidence. Crack the code. Resist our reptile overlords.

Thursday, 26 February 2015

The Horror, The Horror

Ten weeks today until the general election and we are continuing the theme of sticking the boot into Farage by making-up weird people and then pretending to interview them. This week, cult Dutch horror director Wanda van-Hasselhoff explains why Nigel, and Ukip politicians in general, have a second career just waiting for them should their political lives not work out:
'For sure I would sign Nigel up to be in one of my horror films. I would do that in a moment. Him and all his Ukip friends.
'I first saw Nigel on the Dutch TV news, some years back. There was some footage from the European Parliament where he was making a speech, something about leaving Europe, or what have you, and the way he was speaking and looking at everyone, I just thought, 'This guy is perfect. He is so horror.'
'You know that scene, it's usually quite early on in a horror film, where the people who will be slaughtered a bit later on, well they cross into territory they don't know and don't feel comfortable in. They go into the woods, or onto the moors, or towards the dark house on the shoreline. They cross into the unknown and into danger. You know that scene?
'Well at that moment they usually meet someone, some local, usually a guy, and this guy is the gatekeeper into a new hell and the local, they look the innocent newcomers up and down and say, 'You're not from round here are you?' or something. And they smoulder with menace and hatred and suppressed violence. They're a psychopath really, one who thinks everyone else stinks but loves the smell of their own farts, and deep down they are petrified of what they don't understand.
'Well as soon as I saw Nigel I thought, 'I have to have this guy to be my mad local. He's so good at the hate and fear thing. Such a natural.' But he won't do it. Five times I have asked him and five times he has turned me down. All the Ukip people have – they all have the menacing local vibe about them.'



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