More than ever, the world might seem chaotic and ruddlerless, but Ziggy Roswell said that we’re all under the command and control of a cabal of shape-shifting intergalactic lizards…
You are Zelia Wilson, a singer, whip smart, filthy rich with nothing to prove. Which is handy, except your best mate Dave has just been killed.
Now, once upon a time Zelia and Dave were The Eschatones, the world's biggest band, until Dave quit, changed his name to Ziggy Roswell, and retreated to his mansion in the country, like a proper rock star. That was twenty three years ago.
But now Dave is back, and he says he's written a new album for The Eschatones and he wants Zelia to play it with him at a Glastonbury comeback slot. Which Zelia is into. Except that Dave Mansion, or Ziggy Roswell, or whatever he calls himself these days, has called the album Reptile Resistance and has started obsessing about lizards.
Because Dave says that earth is run by a cabal of shape-shifting intergalactic lizards.
And Dave says that the moon is a hollow, reality-controlling super computer. And that the lizards use wifi to enslave the human mind.
Dave says that in their fake human form, lizards run the EU, NATO, the NSA, The Vatican, China, Russia. They control every war, every uprising, all the intelligence, all the counter intelligence. They walk by us in the street, drink in our bars, work in our offices. They milk us of wealth and freedom.
Now Zelia thinks that's cobblers, but she likes a laugh and agrees. But then – bang… Dave is killed live on stage right in from of her at Glastonbury. It couldn't be the lizards could it?
With his last breath, Dave tells Zelia that she has to go to his mansion and find five notebooks, and that these notebooks will reveal the truth about the controlling reptoid power elite.
Zelia promises. She has to. Dave is dying. So come with Zelia as she searches Dave's mad rock star mansion, with its orangery, its turrets, and its priestholes. Hunt for Dave's notebooks. Crack the notebooks' code, find out who’s really pulling the strings.
Available on ioS and Android for your tablet and phone.
I had hundreds of bona fide humans on the payroll.
My fortune was covering the meth benders of unhinged hackers in Palo Alto, boosting the pension schemes of monomaniac physicists remixing molecules in secret garage labs. I even had a couple of Whitehall mandarins slipping me info on the sly. But the jewel in my crown of subterfuge and reptile resistance was Kim Basu. That slime had been The Chief of Staff of the US Air Force, and he'd seen enough to know the lizards were real.
He got me a document he'd managed to get his hands on. Encrypted of course. But I got some lass with quick fingers and enough terrahertz in her bedroom to bust it open.
What I found was off the scale.
Because the lizards were using weather as a weapon.
Hello lizard friends.
Just a quick update to introduce myself and give a brief look into the work I’m doing on Reptile Resistance. I’m Tom, I’m a narrative games designer, and I’m doing the development work on the project; essentially taking Craig, Mark and Pete’s work and mashing it all together to turn it into something you can play on a mobile device.
As a narrative designer I’m used to messing…
On average us plebs in the UK are filmed by CCTV 70 times per day. We are the most watched society in history, and with just 1% of the world’s population we have one fifth of the world’s cameras. According to Tony Porter, the UK’s Surveillance Camera Commissioner, a local authority in the midlands got rid of a quarter of a million ‘useless and ineffective’ cameras last year, but there are still six…
Nine weeks to go until the election and it has been pointed out that I'm obsessing about Farage. Quite why it's an issue to be concerned about a populist right-wing demagogue in the run up to an election is beyond me, but nonetheless I have taken these comments to heart and this week will not write a word about him. Instead, this:
PS: Art is the handiwork of…
Ten weeks today until the general election and we are continuing the theme of sticking the boot into Farage by making-up weird people and then pretending to interview them. This week, cult Dutch horror director Wanda van-Hasselhoff explains why Nigel, and Ukip politicians in general, have a second career just waiting for them should their political lives not work out:
'For sure I would sign Nigel…
I think most sane people realise that this government is composed entirely of lizard scum - and as such would like to see every one of the current cabinet die in a fire – so naturally you’d expect there to be a huge swell of positive opinion for whoever was likely to come along and oust them.
But just look at Labour. Every one of their front bench are mindwarped… Do they even know who they are…
Twelve weeks to go before the election and we're dropping all pretense of following the news. Instead here's a vituperative hatchet job on Farage's attitude to the EU, including long quotes from the ghost of a fictional English soldier.
For Nigel the channel tunnel may be the devil's umbilical cord, exposing once-impregnable Blighty to foreign licentiousness, a chink in Albion's armour allowing…
Thirteen weeks until the UK's general election and it's been pointed out that our weekly election blogs have started to concentrate too much on things like politics at the expense of leaving room for jokes about massive devious lizard from the constellation Draco.
It's clear why that is. The moon has been moving conspicuously closer to earth over the last few weeks, meaning its reality-controlling…
Fourteen weeks until May's general election and the brouhaha at Prime Minister's question time in the House of Commons Wednesday revolved around Cameron pressing opposition leader Ed Miliband to confirm or deny if he had said he intended to 'weaponise the NHS' during the election campaign.
But Miliband obfuscated and squirmed and neither confirmed nor denied he had used the W word. Quite why the…
If we weren’t all so desensitised to a political class working together this kind of thing would make us all revolt. But we are so it will probably just make you shrug.
At the same time as it was announced that the result of the 6 year long enquiry into the Iraq war, the Chilcot Report, still won’t be published before the election, it was also revealed that 5 years negotiation between those about…
Fifteen weeks until the election and in what might be one of the last covert moves before the parties stop pretending they're not campaigning, Cameron got stuck into opponents with a sneaky piece of innocent-faced chicanery, aimed at both putting clear water between himself and Ukip, and zapping Labour on an increasingly important issue.
Health Minister Jane Ellison announced Wednesday night that…
My pick of the election news this week is the announcement that Nigel Farage - the leader of the campaign to bring back the 1970s - has signed a deal to publish a book entitled The Purple Revolution: They Year That Changed Everything. The book, Farage's entirely justified second memoir, after 2011's Flying Free, will handily be released just before the UK's May general election, and take us, '...behind…
This week's big election news came when D-Cam pretended that he wasn't prepared to get involved in a series of live TV debates unless the Greens are asked along to annoy Labour, in the same way that UKIP are going to annoy him.
His concern is that Farage is going to make the the tories seem relatively sane, and this isn't going to appeal to the masses who've become trapped in a Stockholm Syndrome…
Yes we have been quiet. And there is a reason. We were hibernating over the festive period, restoring our lizard hunting powers to be ready for the coming challenge. By which of course I mean the general election. May 7th unless things change. 16 weeks away.
We are going to be running our own general election campaign to get Reptile Resistance funded. Crump and I will be writing a blog…
You may have noticed we've gone a bit quiet. Well, we were marooned in a quantum dungeon beneath Goldman Sachs for a while, but we got out. Most of us anyway. Also, it's Xmas which is not a lizard hunter's super besso time of year. So we'll be back with full anti-reptile force in The One Five. Yes, I did just call 2015 that.
But in the meantime, as the year comes to an end, important…
News just in that the disguises of our lizard enemies are becoming more sophisticated.
Also, me Mum and Dad have just pledged on here, so stop dicking about and let's pretend this is important work we're doing.
Good luck for the week.
These people are helping to fund Reptile Resistance.