I went to my piano lesson the day after the Guildhall Rag Week Revue.  I had sung a very straight "The Stately Homes of England" in black tie, and danced Swan Lake Act Two in sequins and feathers glued onto forty-six doilies. Professor Peppin said how she'd enjoyed me singing the Noel Coward, but who on earth had that big fat girl been doing the ballet? 
  She refused to believe it had been me, until I stopped playing Schumann and did lame ducks round the Bechstein...