Monday, 29 May 2017
The time has come to pull back the curtain on the guest people who have kindly donated words, thoughts and past emotional traumas to the book.
I exclusively asked gaming journalists this time as they tend to have the clearest memories of their biggest gaming waste of money, and the ability to tell that story in an entertaining way. This was largley inspired by a book a friend lent me of mainstream celebrity memories about a certain TV show - it was so tedious I literally fell asleep twice trying to read it...
So, lining up to tell us about the most disappointing game they ever bought are, in alphabetical order:
Chinny runs the YT channel Chinnyvision, where he mostly compares different versions of 8-bit games. Interestingly none of the games featured are emulated, but recorded directly from real hardware - as a nod to this the screenshots for his entry are from original machines too. (Usually I take them from emulated versions for clarity.) He's also something of an expert on the Amstrad CPC, and provided some technical help with the first book. Unsurprisingly his worst gaming purchase was for the Amstrad.
AKA DanNerdCubed, Dan runs a frighteningly popular YouTube channel based around gaming of all kinds. He also reviews advent calendars with me every year, possibly as an atonement for sins he committed in a former life. His most disappointing game is from the Nintendo Game Boy.
AKA DJ Slope, this Dan runs slopesgameroom on YouTube. Specialising in historical documentary style videos, his "Complete History" series is compulsory viewing. Dan's worst game-o-buy was for the Sega Mega CD... And I'm not going to lie to you, he paid money for Kris Kross: Make My Video.
Host of the popular consumer-focused gaming news series The Jimquisition, Jim is known for his over-the-top persona and his obsessive love of Boglins. In keeping with his video style, his piece is written in character but based entirely on real events and emotions. Jim's most disappointing game was for the Amstrad CPC, and thank God for it.
AKA TotalBiscuit and The Cynical Brit, John is YouTube's number 1 PC gaming critic. Brilliantly his worst gaming buy was for the Acorn Archimedes, a machine I know little about and have had a hard time researching games-wise. (Sadly for him his entry does not run at 60fps - I synced it at 50 to match an old PAL CRT.)
AKA RetroLaird, Kieren is well known to readers of Retro Gamer magazine. He has a particular fondness for the Atari Lynx and Jaguar, but his crappest game transaction was for - wait for it - Human Killing Machine on the Spectrum! I feel his pain.
Kim makes astonishngly in-depth videos for YouTube on a variety of different retro subjects. (If you want a kick-off point, start with her brilliant The Rise and Fall of the Commodore Amiga.) Her worst game cash hand-over was for the Sony Playstation.
Probably known best for getting hold of a retail PS4 Slim before Sony had even announced its existence, Laura has written for a whole host of different outlets and co-founded LetsPlayVideoGames.com. Her least pleasing game was for the Nintendo Game Boy, and after playing it to get screenshots I can certainly see why.
The Nostalgia Nerd
Running an excellent YouTube channel covering all sorts of retro gaming goodness, Peter has a collection of micro computers so impressive that it makes me want to eat my own legs in jealousy. His purchasing reached peak displeasure with a Spectrum game that features violent flatulence and unfeasibly large testicles.
And... As previously mentioned, Guru Larry returns with a full entry (which is actually for his most disappointing game purchase, so 2 for 1 there!) And my esteemed friend and occasional face Mentski, Lord of Biscuits and Arcade Games, provides a full feature on awful arcade conversions.
These are the good people who have forced their subconcious to spew up their repressed gaming memories for our entertainment. Most of them are on YouTube - I strongly recommend searching them out. Unless you have something urgent to do, as your time will be eaten up so quickly it'll be 2am before you know it.
Anyway, I'm off to write about a beat 'em up so poor I'm still not sure if I'm playing it properly after 25 attempts. Next time I shall tell you about the special features I've written, including what was supposed to be a short little 500 word piece that ended up ballooning to a 3000 word exposé.