No names are changed. No characters invented. No events fabricated. No extensive research been undertaken. It’s all about Me. Me. Me.
I’ve been selling myself for quite a while. If I was being exact, which I rarely am, I’d say since the end of July. I was lucky enough to get a week’s start before other budding authors from ABCtales were unleashed on a waiting world.
Scientists love a baseline to measure the journey from A to B. Lets make a few simplifying assumptions. That instead of stories, Ewan, Laurie and I, were given branded tupperware to sell by Unbound. We rushed into the night clutching our plastic jugs and sealable sandwich boxes. Who did we sell to?
£5100 must be made before anyone receives their plastic dishes, knives and forks. Pledges worth 36% of this tupperware total have been made (64% remains unsold). That’s a lot of tupperware. I have sold tupperware to 87 people. The largest pledge (£200 or the equivalent of 20 of the lowest pledge of £10) is accounted for by my brother-in-law Brian Smith. All of the higher pledges are taken by family members. They have been matched to a lesser extent by members of the ABCtales family. Tony, Richard, Peter, Claudine, Joe and Rachel -- editors.
Members of the ABC family have done much more than buying. They have also been trying to actively sell tupperware for me. The Facebook algorithm accumulates metadata so it can predict which way the user will jump (so they can later sell you something, like that swimming pool you always wanted, but never thought you could afford). I’ve also been performing, dancing and singing on Facebook like a baited bear.
The Twitter algorithm, on the other paw, is based on the type of friend you Tweet to. For some reason I’ve got London Clockmakers following me, so I should know the right time to Tweet to others. I should also have a publicity schedule which should tell me who to target and when. My Twitter account seems to be filled with New York Times No.1 bestsellers. They tend to have a robotic-bot that automatically generates messages like ‘I’d walk through broken glass if you’d buy my tupperware and review it on Amazon’. These are not people that pledge to non-bots that don’t live in New York or even America.
There are some names on the pledge list for tupperware that I don’t recognise, but over 95% of the other names are friends. Some of them I have had to directly bribe to buy my tupperware. Unbound suggests I need another 216 pledges.
Despite starting a week, and two weeks respectively, later than me, Ewan has sold 71% of his tupperware and Laurie 79%. I have placed 15 posts on the Unbound site (excluding this one), Ewan 18 posts and Laurie 14. Their marketing and selling has been more effective.
Perhaps they have more faith in the product. I should be dancing more, singing more, shouting, ‘look at me’ more on Twitter and Facebook. Perhaps the simple truth is I don’t have very many friends that want tupperware. That makes sense to me.
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