Kitten on a Fatberg

By Dan Brotzel, Martin Jenkins, Alex Woolf

A farcical novel-in-emails about an eccentric writers group. They've all got a book in them, unfortunately.

Tuesday, 5 November 2019

Thoughts on reaching 66%

Hello world, it's Alice here, almost certainly the least prolific WRITER in the country if not the world, though perhaps what I lack in productivity I make up for in depth of insight into that condition, blessing, curse or disease - take your pick - that we call being a WRITER.

I want to thank all our supporters for helping us achieve another amazing milestone: 66%

I do love milestones, and I hate millstones, which is what my novel has sadly become.

You've all been brilliant. At this rate, we'll be fully funded before I complete the opening sentence of said novel, which is currently far less than two-thirds complete.

Two-thirds. I can't get over it. Makes me think of flocks of molars – tooth herds. Sorry!

It’s quite extraordinary what comes up when (instead of working on the opening sentence of one's novel) one types 'two-thirds' into google :

Apparently, two-thirds of professional writers earn less than £10,000 (well, yes!)

Two-thirds of people lie about having read a particular book.

Women buy two-thirds of books sold.

Two-thirds of people are on a diet 'most of the time'

Oddly, in all these instances, I appear to be among the majority.

 

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