Keanu Reeves Is Not In Love With You

By Becky Holmes

My Encounters With Online Romance Scammers

Tuesday, 29 March 2022

I'm a bit like your mobile phone provider

Hmm I have just read that title back and perhaps it wasn't a good choice as that rather implies that I'll provide bloody awful service whilst consistently charging more and more and then when you complain I'll turn into a spotty teenager in a call centre who is too busy thinking about copping off with his mate's girlfriend Donna to even think about your problem.


What I meant really was that I offer upgrades! "Goodness me Becky, whatever do you mean? This sounds completely amazing and I must be involved immediately" I hear you cry. Well let's say, for example, that you have pre-ordered the book for £15 but you have since realised that to live without the Keanu mug is something you just can't imagine. Well fret no more you little sausage because you can upgrade your order from any level up to another. And no, you can't downgrade, before some cheeky sod asks!


When you go into your Unbound account you can see your 'supported projects' section which, quite rightly, will have my book shining out like a pound in a poo. Click on it, go into 'manage project' and then press 'upgrade'. Should you not want to upgrade you can alternatively donate a couple of quid to the project. If it helps, imagine me in the 19th century dressed in something resembling a sack, limping along a cobbled street in the pouring rain holding out a soggy flat cap asking for six pence to feed my 14 siblings who are going to soon be taken into an orphanage if I don't raise the money for some stale bread. Shit. I've depressed myself typing that.


Truth be told I don't much like this kind of self-promotion, asking for extra sales kind of stuff but if I don't bring lots of lovely pounds in I fear my publishers won't be interested when I offer them other books in the future. I'm currently deciding between a history of the radiator and a detailed analysis of the three-pronged plug. Exciting times ahead I'm sure you'll agree.

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Melanie Taylor
 Melanie Taylor says:

I think a deep dive into biscuits is sadly missing from the nation's coffee tables. For example, are digestives best with builders tea? Are bourbons better with coffee? Where does the garibaldi fit in the pantheon of biscuits? Should proper British people even eat an Oreo ( no, in my opinion, not chocolatey, and the filling is nasty!)is the Nice biscuits actually nice?etc etc, happy to help with research for the project especially if it means eating loads of biscuits!!

posted 30th March 2022

Becky Holmes
 Becky Holmes says:

Melanie how about I combine a look at biscuits with the research into radiators. It could be called "Eating and Heating"

posted 30th March 2022

Melanie Taylor
 Melanie Taylor says:

Love it!

posted 31st March 2022

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