Take some advice from Phil Collins
Thursday, 9 March 2023
Phil Collins has been quoted as saying: "Wait for it. Wait for it. Anticipation is half the fun."
When I got into this book-writing malarky I didn't realise how long the process is. There's me typing away thinking I'll write it, send it off to my editor and it'll be in the shops before I can say Keanu Reeves. It turns out that it's a teeny tiny bit more complicated than…
Oh balls! Well and truly mid-40s
Wednesday, 26 October 2022
I turned 44 yesterday so I've had to stop hanging onto the 'I can probably still class myself as early-40s' thoughts.
44 is well and truly mid-40s. Damn and blast!
Perhaps due to a birthday coming up I've been doing quite a lot of reflecting over the past few weeks and I'll share with you what are probably the top five thoughts that have been rattling around my head.
1) The course of your…
Becky Holmes is now too busy and important to communicate with any of you
Wednesday, 14 September 2022
Dear (sort of) valued customer
You may have recently become aware that social media superstar and soon-to-be Loose Women host Becky Holmes now has well over 53,000 followers on Twitter, including some proper celeb-types.
Unfortunately this has rendered her far too busy and important to communicate with any of you, who I now believe she has taken to calling 'those awful smelly plebs'.
Norris. The furry prick.
Thursday, 16 June 2022
'Keanu Reeves is Not in Love With You' follows my journey through the world of online romance fraud. So yes there are my tweets, yes there are stories from victims, yes there are conversations with scammers, yes there are interviews with fraud experts, but there are also times when I go off on a tangent about something that has happened to me along the way. Here is an excerpt from what I have written…
300, but without the leather straps
Tuesday, 31 May 2022
Hi everyone (I wanted to do a cute waving emoji here but there isn't one available on this system so just imagine it)!
I am very excited to see that I have hit the 300 buyers mark because it means I can reference that Gerard Butler film where all the grubby testosterone-fuelled men run around shouting in their loin cloths and little bits of leather. Annoyingly, now that I'm sitting here to write…
I am NOT from Toys R Us!
Monday, 25 April 2022
For the past few months I have been a research machine. And I don't mean some crappy little 1990s robot thing from Toys R Us, I'm talking about some powerful Hollywood Transformers shit here. I have researched my sizeable arse off.
I've spoken to people from all parts of the romance fraud 'community' - academics, historians, organisation leaders, private investigators, police, banks, documentary…
I'm a bit like your mobile phone provider
Tuesday, 29 March 2022
Hmm I have just read that title back and perhaps it wasn't a good choice as that rather implies that I'll provide bloody awful service whilst consistently charging more and more and then when you complain I'll turn into a spotty teenager in a call centre who is too busy thinking about copping off with his mate's girlfriend Donna to even think about your problem.
What I meant really was that…
I thought it was the morphine...
Wednesday, 2 March 2022
When I signed a publishing contract with Unbound I knew it was a crowdfunding model and I would need to get a lot of support before it officially became a 'book deal'. My contract said I had an initial period of six months, which could then be extended to a year if both parties agreed.
The part of me that has dreamt of being an author since I was at school shouted "yes you can do this bitch -…
Well who’d have thought it?
Saturday, 19 February 2022
I've reached my first big milestone - 25% towards the pledge target. GET IN!
It happened quicker than I expected so Keanu and I want to say an effing MASSIVE thank you to all of you who have pledged. It's hard not to sound like some nauseating actress at the BAFTAs here, but this really is down to you (my goodness that was hard to write without my gag reflex taking over…