Just Where You Left It . . . and Other Poems

By David Roche

How to Survive School, Parents and Everything Else That’s Unfair in Life

Sunday, 28 August 2016

How much did you really enjoy your holidays?

Here’s a poem about family connectivity while on vocation...



For Goodness’ Sake - Let’s Take A Break...


When we used to go on holiday

There was a list of ‘de rigeurs’:

Sunshine, for sure; sand must be gold;

The sea should be azure.


One hour max. from the airport,

All-inclusive (so no tips),

A kids club for the parents

And every meal has chips.


But these days it all is different.

In Blackpool or in Cannes

The only one essential

Is a high-speed wireless LAN.


There has to be a signal,

And by that I mean 3 bars,

There’s nothing worse than dull converse

In a family such as ours.


We need Free Internet Access,

We’re not castaways in Wyoming,

But there’s just no way we can afford

The cost of data roaming.


There’s no longer a rule concerning a pool,

The en-suite can be ‘avocado’.

The one thing you just cannot be

Is incommunicado.


And if you think we’ll use a cloud

That makes you such a tosspot

And don’t think we’ll rely on you

For your weak and woeful hotspot.


We need 5 gigs like an Ethernet,

Can’t surf with anything slow-mo.

We just have to be connected

Cos we suffer from the FOMO.


We’re addicted to our smartphones,

Our headphones and computers.

Our line to God is now reliant

On 4G wireless routers. 


But our Mum is ever so canny

And she checks it out online

Before she books the trip, she views

The hotels (and the wine).


She’ll dot the I’s and cross the Ts,

Her research is abundant.

Her secret aim is to ensure

Our gadgets are redundant.


She knows our Dad will never stop

Inspecting work emails.

He’ll only glance up from his screen

To gawp at fit females.


It’s impossible to try and get

The family to desist

And do something nice together

Like a game of contract whist.


So we’re going somewhere new this year

The idea is to maroon

Us somewhere with no signal at all -

We’re taking our break on the Moon.



PRE-ORDER YOUR COPY OF THE HARDBACK OF DAVID ROCHE'S NEW BOOK JUST WHERE YOU LEFT IT... AND OTHER POEMS (how to survive school, your parents and everything else that's unfair in life) HERE: https://unbound.com/books/just-where-you-left-it

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