Here’s a poem about family connectivity while on vocation...
For Goodness’ Sake - Let’s Take A Break...
When we used to go on holiday
There was a list of ‘de rigeurs’:
Sunshine, for sure; sand must be gold;
The sea should be azure.
One hour max. from the airport,
All-inclusive (so no tips),
A kids club for the parents
And every meal has chips.
But these days it all is different.
In Blackpool or in Cannes
The only one essential
Is a high-speed wireless LAN.
There has to be a signal,
And by that I mean 3 bars,
There’s nothing worse than dull converse
In a family such as ours.
We need Free Internet Access,
We’re not castaways in Wyoming,
But there’s just no way we can afford
The cost of data roaming.
There’s no longer a rule concerning a pool,
The en-suite can be ‘avocado’.
The one thing you just cannot be
And if you think we’ll use a cloud
That makes you such a tosspot
And don’t think we’ll rely on you
For your weak and woeful hotspot.
We need 5 gigs like an Ethernet,
Can’t surf with anything slow-mo.
We just have to be connected
Cos we suffer from the FOMO.
We’re addicted to our smartphones,
Our headphones and computers.
Our line to God is now reliant
On 4G wireless routers.
But our Mum is ever so canny
And she checks it out online
Before she books the trip, she views
The hotels (and the wine).
She’ll dot the I’s and cross the Ts,
Her research is abundant.
Her secret aim is to ensure
Our gadgets are redundant.
She knows our Dad will never stop
Inspecting work emails.
He’ll only glance up from his screen
To gawp at fit females.
It’s impossible to try and get
The family to desist
And do something nice together
Like a game of contract whist.
So we’re going somewhere new this year
The idea is to maroon
Us somewhere with no signal at all -
We’re taking our break on the Moon.
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