99 Reasons to Pledge for In SatNav We Trust

Wednesday, 9 January 2019

  • If you are already a subscriber please use any items from this list as talking points to interest friends who might like to subscribe.
  • If you are not yet a subscriber here are 99 reasons to subscribe. You don’t have to read them all.
  1. Because you want to know where the black squirrels live.
  2. Because I discovered that cow parsley is a stealth weed.
  3. Because you get your money back if it doesn’t hit its target so there’s no risk.
  4. Because some people already know where the black squirrels live.
  5. Because the book is going to be 234mm (9.2in) x 156mm (6.1in) and about 480 pages so well worth 24 quid.
  6. Because there might also be stealth poo and you really need to know about that.
  7. Because some people are now asking, “Who knows where the black squirrels live and why didn’t they tell me?”
  8. Because what the hell have black squirrels got to do with the meaning of life?
  9. Because not everything that matters in life can be measured with a scientific instrument.
  10. Because I suggest the collective noun for a group of old 4x4s is a dishevelment of 4x4s.
  11. Because, at the same time, it’s important not to be dismissive of science, such as when repairing the brakes on your car, just because we want to hold onto comfortable ideas.
  12. …and, perhaps, meaning comes from somewhere between the two.
  13. …and I discovered that if you can’t achieve oneness with the universe perhaps a cup of tea is just as good.
  14. Because if you don’t want to create an account or password you can sign in with Facebook or Twitter.
  15. Because I discovered that male mallard ducks are clearly needy.
  16. Because, what with all the strange goings on, black squirrels, etc., I began to doubt my memories and I began to wonder if I was a replicant..
  17. …and if this book doesn’t get your support In SatNav We Trust could be lost in time like tears in rain.
  18. Because if you don’t want to create an account and don’t have Facebook or Twitter you can team up with someone else and order two books for 40 quid which is the same deal as the early bird discount that has now sold out.
  19. …or because you could do the two-book deal with two names in and give one as a present with the recipient’s name in it.
  20. …or even buy a single book, put someone else's name in the supporter's list and give the book as a gift.
  21. Because you want to know about the Forrest Gump of Princes Risborough.
  22. Because I nearly blew-up my tent in the middle of the night.
  23. Because creating an account shouldn’t be a problem as Unbound are a respectable company who will delete your email address under the GDPR regulations, if you ask them once you have your book. (And they are really not spammy anyway. I'm a subscriber to other projects and I don't get a lot of email.)
  24. Because you want to know where in the country you can buy the best sausage in a bun?
  25. Because, really, it’s nothing more complicated than a pre-order system.
  26. Because I thought the Tees Transporter Bridge was a really mad idea.
  27. Because there are now a number of extracts on the Unbound website site so you can tell if it’s any good. Look under the Excerpt tab and the Updates tab about half way down the page.
  28. Because I discovered the Tees Transporter bridge is not a mad idea and is, in fact, a work of genius.
  29. Because my commissioning editor used to be the Literary Editor of one of the national newspapers and she said, “I think You’ve got something here.”
  30. …but without your support I may not get the chance to see if she’s right.
  31. …and they reject 95% of everything they receive.
  32. No, honestly, I’m in the top 5% so this is for real!
  33. Because I trust you to read the extracts and judge for yourself if it deserves to get into print.
  34. …and because I think it stands up to scrutiny.
  35. Because 24 quid isn’t as much as it used to be when you were younger.
  36. Because you want to know what happened in your county.
  37. …but as a supporter you’ll have a line of communication with me to tell me if I’ve missed something in your county that I should have written about.
  38. Because you are now trying to think what you could get for 24 quid 20 years ago.
  39. Because you want to know if drunk blokes on speedboats really have to use full power to get the boat moving?
  40. …and I discovered it was a bad idea to get on board with them?
  41. Because you want to know where is the best spot to watch the sunset in Northumberland?
  42. Because the modern transit van is a link to our hunter-gatherer past.
  43. Because you want to know what’s at the top of Cliff Street in Whitby.
  44. …and because along the way I might have discovered where Bram Stoker really wrote Dracula.
  45. Because I’ll be able to write more absurd stuff like this peppered with philosophical musings, speedboats and exploding tents.
  46. Because there are places in the country that smell of poo and you need to know to avoid them.
  47. Because this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, so seeing me succeed would be a bit like seeing someone succeed on X Factor.
  48. Because I had my first attempt at long form writing in 1989 so it will have taken me 30 years to become an overnight success.
  49. Because Abraham Darby didn’t build the Iron Bridge, he was the bloke who looked after the money.
  50. Because Thomas Pritchard, who actually designed the Iron Bridge, didn’t live to see its completion so he’s been written out of history.
  51. Because getting this book into print and telling the story about Thomas Pritchard might go some way to rectifying the Iron Bridge injustice.
  52. Because you want to know in what situation people will give you their last Kit-Kat.
  53. …okay so it wasn’t the last Kit-Kat but they did give me two and it’s kindnesses like that that make the world go around.
  54. …such as the kindness of people pledging to support me.
  55. Because you want to know if all arrow straight roads were built by the Romans.
  56. Because I argue that twisty roads are a good defence against invaders.
  57. …and because that would mean Yorkshire could never be invaded.
  58. …or at least not by anyone towing a caravan.
  59. Because oil seed rape is a stealth crop and has that in common with cow parsley and stealth poo?
  60. Because if you stood at Lands End you too would wish you’d brought your compass with you.
  61. Because you just thought, ‘shouldn’t Lands End have an apostrophe?’
  62. Because you’re tempted to look on the Internet to find out if Lands End has an apostrophe.
  63. Because you want to know why the Golden Gate Bridge has a great name and why the Humber Bridge deserves something equally glamorous.
  64. Because Huntingdonshire was invaded by Cambridgeshire and Rutland was invaded by Leicestershire.
  65. …and don’t even get me started on Northumberland, Cumberland and Westmorland!
  66. Because a trip like this can be scuppered by something as simple as the arrival of a bank card.
  67. …but what do you do about that if you are not at home when it arrives?
  68. Because In SatNav We Trust is about the philosophy of what makes us tick.
  69. …but in today’s world people seem to be struggling to understand what makes them tick.
  70. …or are we all just searching for meaning?
  71. Because you want to know if the Malvern Hills are really mountains in disguise?
  72. Because I learned that your expectations frequently determine your happiness and that when you make room for serendipity you are so much more likely to be happy with whatever you find. 
  73. Because you wouldn’t think Barnstaple has anything in common with Coalbrookdale but you’ll only find out by reading In SatNav We Trust.
  74. Because you want to know what it means to talk to a pair of legs in Happisburgh?
  75. Because you want to know why I was talking to a pair of legs in Happisburgh?
  76. Because so few people have experienced the spectacle that is May Morning in Oxford.
  77. Because you want to know whose legs they were in Happisburgh?
  78. Because where the hell is Happisburgh anyway?
  79. Because Happisburgh is not pronounced Happisburgh but is in fact Hazeborough.
  80. …and it’s falling into the sea.
  81. Because Kathy kept bossing me around.
  82. Because you are actually curious about the book.
  83. Because Kathy nearly killed me on at least one occasion.
  84. Because who is Kathy anyway?
  85. Because Dungeness might reveal the meaning of life.
  86. Because I'm losing track of this now and wondering if I've some of these reasons in twice.
  87. Because you want to know how the organ pipes can appear to float over the choir in Worcester Cathedral.
  88. Because, actually, Dungeness probably doesn’t reveal the meaning of life but you’ll find out why it’s a bit like it… perhaps.
  89. Because you thought of going back to see if I'd put some of these reasons in twice.
  90. ...but then thought, no, it's not worth it. And honest, I've checked so you don't need to.
  91. Because you will become witness to the production process, learning about the editing, design, typesetting and graphic design phases.
  92. …and in that process you might have some involvement in discussing the final design features (in a strictly advisory capacity) and you get to own the beautiful collectors’ edition that results from that process.
  93. Because the trip was quite tough and there were times when I wanted to give up.
  94. Because without your support this project might fail – see item 20.
  95. Because I was tempted to give up on day three and only carried on because my accountant was expecting a book to come from this.
  96. Because the book shows that challenging yourself like this you will always learn something about yourself.
  97. …and because my accountant has pledged so she’s still expecting a book.
  98. Because you can make the difference.
  99. ...but really because you want to read it.

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