Hot Singles in Your Area

By Jordan Shiveley

A comedic horror novel

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HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA
 

Noah Bezdan doesn’t know whether he has been writing these single ads or they have been writing him. A job is just a job, right? At least… until it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Or was that a doom fulfilling prophecy? Either way, Noah hasn’t been sleeping very much as of late and that doesn’t even begin to explain all the blood…

 

Hot Singles In Your Area is the culmination of seven years of Jordan Shiveley writing the eponymous HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ads on the twitter account (@hottestsingles) now he has collected them together for this volume. But this is not just a skeleton of old dried bones dredged from the social media abyss, dear Constant Reader. Shiveley is exhuming some fresh meat to stitch onto this frame and pumping in gallons of fresh, glistening… well, you’ll see.

 

Unsure whether HOT SINGLES is right for you? Don’t worry: these words will find their way into your deepest, darkest dreams soon enough. Of course, you could try and run…that would be…amusing…

 

Hot Singles in Your Area is a novel by Jordan Shiveley the writer behind the Dread Singles (@hottestsingles) twitter account.

 

Praise for Jordan. . . 

 

“Jordan Shiveley’s hot singles are lonely, and hungry, and they’re waiting for you. Are they down the street—or next door—or behind that strange new door in the basement? Or are they already inside you? Shiveley brings his dark biting wit and his air for cosmic horror from the digital realm to the printed page, and the results will leave you laughing, shuddering and looking over your shoulder. Discover a whole new reason to stay up all night: Check out Hot Singles in Your Area!” David Demchuk, award-winning author of The Bone Mother

 

“Devastating in its bottom-of-the-grave black humor, Hot Singles in Your Area reminds readers that life is precious, eeting and has already been prom- ised to the Void.” Jen Vaughn, Goosebumps: Download and Die!

 

“Of all the things that could escape a closet full of hungry teeth, Jordan’s writing is the sharpest and leaves the deepest marks.” John Wiswell, Tank

 

“The longer I kept reading, the louder and wetter the knocking outside the bedroom door became. If I stop reading I think they’ll come in. I can never stop reading. I don’t want to stop reading.” Marie Enger, Casket Land

 

“Jordan’s writing is the equivalent of nally piecing together the long dead his- tory of the forgotten civilization and discovering the antiquated knowledge that brings ruin to our world but in a good way!” Derek Revis

 

“It is rare that a work feels as comfortable as a warm towel straight out of the dryer and as disorienting as unseen nails dragged across the back of your neck” Steven Dunne, Seed of Doubt

 

“I cannot physically put this book down.” Joshua Mendenhall

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    Jordan Shiveley

    Jordan Shiveley is the author of the Dread Singles (@hottestsingles) twitter account. Their work is also been seen in a variety of short fiction collections and tabletop roleplaying games as well as the Caring Into the Void podcast. They live and work in Minneapolis, Minnesota with a cat and partner both of whom often merge in ways unimaginable to the human mind.

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