Damnation. No sooner had I mastered the Twitteration rebus, than I realized my arch-enemy, the master criminal Jacques Eau De Nil had followed the entire troupe of writers, scriveners, scribblers, agents and Twittificators available. Who was left for me to follow? To whom would I turn to boost my prospects in my quest for The Holy Grail, The Chalice with the Palace, or even the Vessel with the Pestle?

Did I ponder long in my slough of despondency? (I defy anyone not to be despondent in Slough!) Fie! I have followed and re-tweetificated a huge and influential group of musicians in the Americas. I believe they are called Rappists. In spite of an obsession with something called 'Hoes' – I cannot credit that they are keen gardeners – they have increased my followers ten-fold. Some of the images accompanying their postings might shock ladies of a sensitive disposition, but I am made of sterner stuff.

So, Jacques Eau De Nil, you will fare no better than Boney in your quest for world domination, I intend to see to that.

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