Sunday, 13 December 2020
Rewards in This Life by Dirty South
If there’s one thing we stand for at Deserter, it’s rewarding yourself at every opportunity. Why delay gratification? Why not gratify immediately, and if necessary, gratify yourself some more later?
The mantra ‘You’ll be rewarded in Heaven,’ is the oldest scam in the book. What the Bible essentially says is: ‘You’re going to get fuck all from this life. Don't complain and we’ll sort you out in the next.’ You learn to deal with this kind of grift in Primary School. (And if you haven’t, please send your bank details and passwords - in return you will receive untold riches.)
Of course, if you believe in Heaven, good luck to you. I cannot confirm it doesn’t exist, as I haven’t had the opportunity to cease to exist yet, but let’s put it this way - none of those who have expired have reported back with the opening hours.
The Dulwich Raider and I have a similar mindset on reward, an unspoken agreement that good news should be celebrated immediately, if not sooner, especially if that good news is conditional and may turn out to be nothing at all. And so it was that every time a publisher requested a meeting, it would be followed by one of us suggesting drinking to our good fortune. Nine times out of ten, nothing would result from the meeting, but we had ten publishing pish-ups. We could, of course, wait until we had something solid to drink to. But that would mean just one boozetime, which is sadly insufficient for our needs.
Our second book is all about taking the gift of time - whether at work, at home, or even at a funeral - and investing it in things that make you happy. That could include skiving, or doing absolutely fuck all; bargain hunting, or eating some chips; a lovely nap, just after you got up, or getting lost with a mate on a pub crawl where you can only turn left.
We are talking of course, about the life and purpose of Deserters, as described in Chapter One: ‘The proactive seeking of pleasure. For they have had enough of deferral and denial, enough of discipline and the toeing of the line, enough salad and sparkling water. For crying out loud, they seem to be saying, pass the sausages.’
But we can only bring this invaluable manifesto to bookshops with your help. To allow future generations to escape the cursed work ethic and embrace soft furnishings and hard liquor. Thankfully, we can offer rewards for your part in steering humanity in the right direction, in case being a literary and cultural hero is insufficient.
Perhaps the most striking reward is the Slab O’Cans level - 24 big ones of Deserter IPA - the legendary All Day Breakfast ale that was responsible for the wiping of many South London memories circas 2015. It’s back and it's better than ever and it can be yours.
The most popular pledge has been the Power Nap, which ensures a first edition paperback with your name in it, plus the ebook. Many thanks to the 75+ people who have supported the project in this way, it’s made a huge difference. I was going to say, you’ll be rewarded in heaven, but am just recalling the beginning of this post.
A shocking number of people have signed up to be Super Patrons, come to the launch party and come on a pub crawl with the Dulwich Raider and me on the 5-Day Weekend pledge level. We think they might be alcoholics.
But we’ll be choosing some cracking South London pubs, close enough for stumbling between, for some classic Deserter adventures with like-minded folk, once this lurgy has subsided. We cannot wait.
Plus, we’ll be recreating the On The Horses chapter from our first book, Today South London, Tomorrow South London, in which we make our way around Nunhead, gambling and drinking, starting at the World Cup of Pubs 2020 World Champion, the Old Nun’s Head. Sadly, Half-life won’t be able to join us on horseback this time, but at least we can count on us all being rich after a good day’s boozy betting.
So check out these and other rewards on our page for backing the book and consider rewarding yourself now, tomorrow, and in some way, every day.
Travel not included