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Dear Mr. Pop Star

Humorous letters to pop stars about their songs with genuine witty replies by Derek & Dave Philpott

  • https://unbound.com/books/dear-mr-pop-star

The Synopsis

For nearly 10 years, ‘Team Philpott’, as their followers fondly refer to them, have been on a quite bonkers crusade, writing good old-fashioned letters to pop and rock stars (sometimes even sent to their home addresses with prior consent!), either picking up on genuine ambiguities within their lyrics or often deliberately misunderstanding them for comedic effect.

The letters are eminently publishable in their own right, mixing sharp wit, confusion, and mundane daily chores with trips to the shops, daytime telly, Derek’s legs playing up, and unarguable logic in relation to questioning the offending chart hits under scrutiny.

What makes this project especially deserving of attention, however, is that it has achieved a feat never before attempted or probably even thought of. With the missives online for all to see on what was becoming a hugely popular website, the artists quite unexpectedly started to reply, writing back in just as witty and articulate a fashion, politely pointing out exactly where the original letter went wrong...or right.

Also, crucially, nearly all of the responses were procured via ''the back door of the industry'', via roadies, mutual fans, cousins of bass players, and even other famous participants telling the artists directly of the Philpotts’ written pressing inquiries. This marvellous online community, which stretched as far afield as Europe, Canada, Japan, the U.S.A, Australia and Stoke, even cultivated and organically evolved the whole surreal venture by offering up willing stars that the authors would probably not have thought of corresponding with themselves, establishing contact through personal connections.

‘‘Dear Mr. Popstar’’ will feature up to 100 of the best letters and responses from famous and legendary names spanning the whole pop and rock spectrum, all relishing their involvement and revealing their own, in many cases, hitherto unknown humorous sides within what could well be the most interactive dialogue compiled between music stars and their audience ever undertaken. Of course, it is not always possible to reach certain targets, hence many unanswered observations are also included, as they were considered too amusing not to be.

Amongst those to be saluted for their great sportsmanship so far are Dr. from Dr. and The Medics, Neil Innes from The Bonzo Dog Band, Melanie, Alannah Myles, Ian Gillan, Cutting Crew, It Bites, Mott The Hoople, Fuzzbox, China Crisis, Mental As Anything, The Rezillos, Saxon, John Otway, Steve Hackett, Tenpole Tudor, Katrina and the Waves, Heaven 17, The Christians, Paper Lace, Dodgy, The Housemartins, Johnny Hates Jazz, The Wurzels, Peter Noone, Suzi Quatro, Danny Wilson, Racey, Electric Prunes, The Waitresses, Climax Blues Band, Country Joe and The Fish, The Jags, EMF, T’Pau, Daevid Allen, The Lovin’ Spoonful, Nu Shooz, Owen Paul, Steve Ellis of Love Affair, Hazell Dean, The Knack, The Maisonettes, Del Amitri, The Skids, Jesus Jones, The Soup Dragons, City Boy, The Kursaal Flyers, Bruce Thomas of The Attractions, Scarlet Fantastic, Junior, Spear of Destiny, Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine, plus many more promised

Ultimately, this book explores how when a song is released into ‘the wild’ the artist loses all control over it, especially pertaining to its interpretation. It is also testimony to the community spirit capable of being created over social media and how positive and fun it can be.

The Excerpt

Dear Hazell Dean,

I found your song on the internet whilst looking for how to get to friends in Hazeldene, Chieveley.

In these celebrity and appearance-obsessed times it is admirable that you are searchin' (looking for love) for a man who needn't be handsome or have fortune or fame.

I fear however that you may be setting your sights a bit low, Ms Dean. You appear, rather than ''looking for someone to share your life" with' on nights out with friends or on tentative dates, to be ''seekin' '' a long-term partner either on the train, or, more worryingly, as reinforced by your disclosure that you ''want no disguises'', a Police I.D. Parade, as you ''move on down the line''.

It is suspected that your judgement may have been impaired by ''never sleepin''' and that there is no guarantee that a stranger on the Underground, or for that matter, from the Underworld is likely to be ''sweet and kind'.'

''Whatever You Do, Wherever You Go'', Ms. Dean, I implore you to be cautious in your quest and not to explore ''every place you can''.

Yours

Derek Philpott



Dear Mr Philpott

Think not of “Searchin’” as a light-hearted missive, extolling the virtues of promiscuity.

No! This work should be considered a seminal piece – a late 20th Century celebration of the seeking of love above all else.

“Searchin'

Looking for love

All the time I can.

Searchin'

Looking for love

I've got to find a man.”

This is not a transient pop song, but should be compared as contemporary to the popularist lyrics of Byron, Browning, Rossetti and Wilde.

Were these great romantics ever concerned by the trivialities of sleep sir? I think not.

As the great Oscar Wilde himself wrote:

"You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear."

Additionally, aspersions cast on my predilection for members of the criminal fraternity are most unwelcome and unfounded,and I would therefore be grateful if you could leave me to my insomnia and romantic musings in peace.

Further to this, over the past 35 years I have received 100’s of photographs of dull establishments bearing any vague semblance of my name, in its many variants. The highlights of which include a B&B in Blackpool, and cattery in Crewe and a hovel somewhere slightly South of Brighton.

Why people presume these will interest or even slightly amuse me, I do not know.

Would you enjoy receiving a steady and annually persistent selection of “Philpotts Avenue’s”, “Philpotts Crescents” and “The Philpott Home for the Perpetually Ridiculous”? The novelty wears off very quickly I can assure you.

Quite frankly Mr Philpott the locating of your friends at Hazeldene, Chievely, is of absolutely no interest to me whatsoever.

Yours aggrievedly

Hazell Dean

Read more...

The Author

Derek and Dave Philpott are the nom de plumes of two ordinary members of the public, working with help from a small family and, crucially, a worldwide social networking community. Neither they, or anybody assisting with the creative aspects of this project had any connections with the music, entertainment, media or publishing industries whatsoever at the time of its commencement. Despite these humble origins, however, they now find themselves in the bizarre but enviable position whereby many pop stars and people within these circles are their friends "in real life’" (whatever that means!). Many artists consider "getting a Dereking" as a badge of honour, and, as one has participant succinctly put it-


‘’This is an ingenious and extremely inventive concept. You have given us a platform to answer questions that have been asked of us for years by our fans, and respond on a public platform of immense fun. You’ve created a weird and wonderful world loved and admired by 1,000s of people worldwide, and you have your own army of loyal fans. That pretty much makes you part of ‘us lot’ now!’’

The Rewards

All supporters get their name printed in every edition of the book. All levels include immediate access to the author's shed.

$15
Digital
eBook edition and your name in the back of the book.
📖 Pledge $15 21 pledges
$20
Hardback
Hardback edition, ebook and your name in the back of the book.
📖 Pledge $20 111 pledges
$25
Signed Hardback
A signed hardback edition and your name in the back of the book.
📖 Pledge $25 155 pledges
$50
Book Bundle
A signed hardback, plus a copy of Team Philpott's first book: 'Dear Mr. Kershaw - A Pensioner Writes', plus ebook and your name in the back of the book
📖 Pledge $50 21 pledges
$95
Personal Letter
A personal letter about your band's song, ebook, signed hardback edition and your name in the back of the book.
📖 Pledge $95 6 pledges
$3,125
Patron
Signed hardback edition, the ebook, a special dedication in the front of the book and your name in the back of the book.