The grateful and the dead

Monday, 5 November 2012

A big 'thank you' to everyone that attended last week’s Laars Head séance. 

Laars tends to spend much of the winter-time shut away from wider society – devoting his time to convening with the eternals, and then writing cook books based on his findings… 

So, if you did manage to catch him on his sell-out, one-night tour, you were indeed blessed. (Though, that said, Laars is also keen to point out that his private sittings are currently discounted – so, if you’re up for paying for his services, please do get in touch.) 

The audience at Blacks last Tuesday seemed to be a combination of good-looking, charming, literary people, and some sort of unruly drunken mob - that, in all likelihood, probably stole the money they used to buy tickets. 

Fortunately, due to Laars’ consummate professionalism – and 15 years in the business - he was able to continue creating miracles, even in the face of much braying laughter and offensive heckling. 

Within the course of his hour-long (and definitely worth-the-money) performance, Laars displayed a number of his considerable preternatural talents, including demonstrating mind-reading, performing telekinesis, exhibiting ‘mind control’, summoning the dead – and, incredibly, working his way through a seemingly endless supply of gummy ‘soul patches’.* 

Laars tells me that he would very much like to thank everyone that came to the séance personally - but is put off because it sounds like a bit of a hassle. 

So, instead, he’s asked me to do it for him… 

Thank you very much.   

Yours solemnly,

Laars Head

Psychic Thaumaturge 

pp/ E O Higgins 

*The loss of facial hair is an occupation hazard for all working occulists.  

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Publication date: October 2013
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