Monday, 10 December 2018
By now, you all should have received your digital and paperback copies of Bulldog. For those of you overseas, it will take a few more days to arrive, but I wanted to mention a few things now, so you know what happens next.
Firstly, the obvious: thank you. It hasn’t sunk in yet, but seeing my book in print, after nearly 5 years of false starts, 3 laptops, 7-8 drafts (I forget exactly), re-written opening paragraphs (at least 30 – no joke), approx. 75-80 batons of salami, 275 unused Papa Rewards from Papa John’s, one (stolen) yellow duck costume, losses of confidence, bouts of drunken megalomania, self-imposed house arrest and a diagnosis of plunging ranula, what I can safely say is that I’m very glad it’s over.
The book having been written is, however, rather nice. And for that, I have all of you to thank. Like the Blue Fairy with Pinocchio, you have turned Bulldog into a real book. Without you, it would only exist on my laptop screen, or posted through the wrong letter box in A4 single-sided sheets or mumbled in the salami section at Morrisons.
Now, there are a few things I need to mention:
Book Club people – Let me know when you would like to do this. I will come to you. I can bring wine, beer, vodka, salami – your call.
Gin people – The booze will soon be with you. It has been crafted and bottled and I intend to get it to you before Christmas. Thank you for your patience. I understand that the gin was the fundamental reason I was able to persuade you.
Spotify Playlist people – There’s a GDPR hoop to go through first, but, as soon as Unbound give me the go ahead, I’ll be hooking you up with some funky munki bongo rhythms.
Which leaves me this one very important final request. The greatest thing that you could do for Bulldog, for your families, for writers worldwide, for the Christmas spirit, for Brexit, for goodwill in general, is REVIEW IT ON AMAZON. I don’t care if you like the book or not. I don’t care if you think it deserves half a star or no stars. Mention that it comes in better use as a beer mat or a paperweight if you want. I don’t care if you have ethical reservations about Amazon. The fact is that Amazon is king, and, in the absence of any marketing budget or know-how, if we can light up a few stars, that would be awesome. You can write anonymously or under a pseudonym if you don’t fancy giving your real name. As with Bulldog, I encourage you to have some fun with it.
I did have another idea that some of you could try. If you commute on public transport, have a copy of the book open. If it’s shielding your daily read of Sheep! or Stained Glass Quarterly, that’s fine. I call on you to embrace public exposure. Read the book, you’ll see what I mean.
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