Talking Bottom

By Mat Brooks, Angela Pearson and Paul Tanter

A Guide to the Cult Sitcom

Wednesday, 18 January 2023

Happy ruddy new year!

"Good morning world! You b*****d!"

New year, new horizons, new update on the Talking Bottom book!

“What d’you mean ‘where’s the rest of it?’”

Sorry we've been quiet of late. We know it’s been a while since you backed our great idea in good faith and we wanted to let you know that it's very nearly done. We only get one go at getting this right and want to make sure it's as good as possible. We're aware you had likely hoped it’d happen inside a year! So did we! It’s truly amazing how much time it takes to write an entire book, especially while fitting it in around our vital new hobbies. Ange has started bus surfing, Mat’s printing his own obscenely pornographic currency and Paul’s… well, he’s mostly been w**king so no change there.

Apologies for being quiet on the socials but we didn't think it would be a good look to spend time posting memes and videos that's better spent researching and writing (so we’ve just been sending them to each other on whatsapp).

We are marking each other's homework as we speak and will soon deliver it to Unbound, who will then decide on a publishing date. We’re writing as if Skullcrusher Henderson, Mad Dog Patrick 'Do You Want Some Of This' O'Fist, Geoffrey The Psychopathic Penis Remover and Horace Big are all eagerly awaiting their copies, too. We honestly really haven’t eloped to the Bahamas. We don’t get your hard-pledged cash until the book is out in print so it’s in our own interests to finish ourselves off as soon as possible.

Sincerely - thank you so much for sticking with us. We promise it isn't going to be crap. Come on out of the corner, follow us on social media (@TalkingBottom) and if there are any Bottom fans that you think will love getting their name in the back of a book that’ll need some heavy fingering then do share the project link with them before it’s too late:

Must dash, the dusky maidens have finished carving us a nice bit of objet d’art and have poured out three large Malibus. We need plenty of lubrication to get our juices flowing…

Lots of (nothing sexy!) love,

The Sad Old Gits

(Mat, Angela and Paul) xxx

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David Dawson
 David Dawson says:

Right, that’s it! *starts windmill swinging clenched fist*. Only joking! - I’m looking forward to this more than Madame Swish at 3:30! Can’t wait!

posted 19th January 2023

Robin Rance
 Robin Rance says:

Don't give us all that bollocks, you've been hiding from the ga

posted 19th January 2023

Robin Rance
 Robin Rance says:

gas man, haven't you?

posted 19th January 2023

Chris Biddle
 Chris Biddle says:

Foxy Stoat Seeks Pig

posted 19th January 2023

Philip Bellamy
 Philip Bellamy says:

Now look here you roustabouts!! I’ve got a photographic memory, and I’m gonna memorise all of you!!!

posted 19th January 2023

Damion Kinsey
 Damion Kinsey says:

Please ensure you send my book on Sunday along with my Sunday fish finger just in time for carnival

posted 19th January 2023

Léon Charles
 Léon Charles says:

I’m gonna take these keys, right…..?

I’m gonna get inside Mat O’BASTARD’s car…….

…..and you know that little light next to the rear view mirror…..?

…..I’m gonna switch that on……

…..Then, when no one’s looking, I’m gonna scarper……

posted 19th January 2023

A. J. Black
 A. J. Black says:

This better be finished soon or I’m going to give you a knuckle sandwich and I don’t mean asandwichwithsomeknucklesinit!

Oh I do actually…

posted 19th January 2023

Rich Green
 Rich Green says:

Can’t wait……..from all the lads on the Ark Royal!!

posted 19th January 2023

Ian Hendry
 Ian Hendry says:

Can't wait ..oh we have

posted 19th January 2023

Kris Munday
 Kris Munday says:

its great to see an update! im happy to wait to get the best result at the end of the day :) though the wait has been long enough that i actually managed to get through the first sentence of War and Peace!

posted 20th January 2023

Tommy Pope
 Tommy Pope says:

Am I going to have to go back outside, knock and ask again nicely? Can't wait though guys, I hear this book is a dead cert. British literature, best in the world!

posted 20th January 2023

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