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Christmas is coming and YOU CAN MAKE IT EVEN BETTER

Sunday, 26 November 2017

I know, I know: it has been a while since my last update. I’ve missed all you existing pledgends, and I throw open my arms to new supporters that have joined us recently. Then I back away, worried that I was too forward when I threw open my arms just a few seconds ago, then I apologise and you’re basically fine with it, then I just analyse it internally for few days.

 

Where are we?

I’ll tell you. We’re at 48%. We were, for a time, at 49% and literally £11 away from being halfway-funded, after which we went back down to 46% again. You can imagine my reaction: I swear that's not how numbers work. It was kind-of confusing and demoralising and, as far as I can tell, caused by something to do with VAT which no-one understands anyway so probably best not to think about it any more. The good news is that we’re at 48%.

I signed off my last update by saying I’d be back in touch with you all when we hit 50% or 100 supporters, and so I’m making an executive decision to play by the pre-VAT rules. I’M BACK IN TOUCH.

 

What have I been doing?

The folks at Unbound often put on pledge parties at book shops and at literary festivals so their authors can convince the actual public to buy their books, and in October my name was pulled out of the hat. I joined several other Unbound authors in Blackwell’s of Oxford to pitch the quivering heck out of our books. It went OK, my name was written in a tiny font on a poster, and we went to the pub.

Most importantly, after I’d pitched my book to the baying crowd of intrepid literary skeptics, a man leaned across, slapped me on the knee and said, ‘I thought your book sounded the most perverted.’ Needless to say when the book is published this will be going on the cover.

 

Here’s some recent press about the book:

- A piece I wrote explaining why Bobby Denise started writing his own jokes in my head

- An interview with me

- Another interview with me

- And another one

 

Need to buy Christmas presents?

Do you guys like Christmas? I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love Christmas. I physically cannot apply irony when I talk about it. I used a whole day of holiday to make this year’s Christmas cake and drank two glasses of sherry on my own before midday on a Friday in November (I’m fine, please don’t call my parents).

So it is within that spirit that I ask you to consider who among your friends and family might appreciate a really weird Christmas gift this year, specifically the gift of a new book that will arrive at some point during the following 12 months or so. If anyone you know is THAT person, the one that always bangs on about buying independent and supporting new talent, then you know what to do, right? Buy them their own name listed in a brand-new new work of independent fiction. Get them one of the BBIRR packages: a mixtape, a poster, a badge, a blimmin’ five-book bundle if you so desire - one of the most gratifying things about the whole Unbound process so far has been the way supporters have been spreading the word about Bobby Denise and convincing their friends to get on board too.

I know what you’re thinking: ‘how, on a practical level, do I do this, you utter money-grabber?’ You can either just sign them up, using their email address and name etc, or you can increase the amount you’ve already pledged by signing into the Unbound site and finding the ‘Upgrade or Donate’ button. This one:

You can probably work out the rest yourselves.

 

You can still help and not spend money

This seemingly endless process of self-promotion is made MUCH easier when other people do the hard work for you. If you’ve bought BDIRR and you’re happy with your investment in an unknown author, why not tell people on Twitter and Facebook?

A whole bunch of you have already done that, but if you haven’t, go on. In all seriousness, my social media feeds currently make me look like a self-obsessed, gurning show-off with no actual book deal - you can change that perception by telling your network that you’re backing BDIRR, you’re backing me and to HECK if it hasn’t immeasurably improved your life. Or something along those lines, you can choose your own wording.

 

OK, enough

Thanks for reading this far, and for your quite monumental support so far. We’re getting there. Fiction is hard, but we’re getting there. If I don’t send another update before Christmas, may I wish you literally the greatest Christmas of your life, gifts enough to fill the luggage rack of an East Coast Mainline train, and please could you call my parents because I’m back on the sherry.

You can help make this book happen. Please share it, and encourage your followers to share it, too.

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