Bad Romance

By Emily Hill

A dark, funny and feminist debut short story collection

Feminism | Fiction
104% funded
315 supporters
Published

Publication date: February 2018

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$15 
97 pledges

Ebook

Ebook edition.
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$35  + shipping
127 pledges

Hardback

1st edition hardback, and ebook edition
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Sold out!

$45  + shipping
57 pledges

Collectable

Signed 1st edition hardback, and ebook edition
$65  + shipping
20 pledges

Book bag

An exclusive, Bad Romance cotton tote bag that can roll up small to fit inside your handbag and be whipped out to carry spontaneous purchases of books, or champagne, or your heels when you need to run from that bad romance. Plus signed 1st edition hardback, ebook edition.
$105  + shipping
3 pledges

The single ladies' reading list

A copy of a book chosen by Emily from her own bookshelves about the single life, London life or love gone bad – with a personal dedication. Plus a canvas book bag, the signed, 1st edition hardback, etc.
Numbers limited
$125  + shipping
10 pledges

Collage

Emily is a collage artist whose work has been featured in Metro and exhibited at the Decorative Antiques & Textiles Fair in Battersea Park, London. Become the proud owner of an approximately A4-sized collage, at a discount on the retail price. Plus the signed, 1st edition hardback, etc.
Only 16 available
Collages may vary
$130  + shipping
1 pledge

Burn your bad romance

Heartbroken? Lovelorn? Desperate to get over your ex? Emily found burning her wedding dress wonderfully cathartic and will help you start a cleansing pyre of your unwanted relationship mementos in the mosaic fire pit filmed on this very page. A signed first edition and a glass of fizz will be provided. 
Numbers limited
South west London. Travel and expenses not included
$155  + shipping
2 pledges

Personalised collage

Do you have a document that you’d like to see immortalised in collage? A love letter that you’ll always remember? Or one that reminds you: never again? A train ticket out of there? Send it to us and Emily will incorporate it into a fitting collage, along with a tiny piece of lightly-smoked wedding dress that was rescued from the film on this page. Plus the signed, 1st edition, etc.
Only 16 available
Collages may vary
$195 
8 pledges

Pitching to magazines workshop

Emily has worked as a commissioning editor at The Spectator and written for the Mail on Sunday, the Evening Standard, Dazed and Confused and The Guardian. In this four-hour (morning or afternoon) workshop she will explain how to grab a busy editor’s attention, what commissioning editors are looking for and how to adapt your pitch to different sections and publications. Bring a pitch for a brief, personal consultation.
Maximum of 12 people per workshop
Held in London - travel not included
$260  + shipping
4 pledges

Book club package - silver

Ten first edition copies of the hardback for members of your group.

Postage free (UK only)

$385  + shipping
2 pledges

Book club package - gold

Ten signed first edition copies of the hardback, each with a list of questions to discuss and themes to consider, specially designed for book clubs.

Postage free (UK only)

$1,280  + shipping
1 pledge

Super friend

Be listed in a special section at the top of the supporters list at the back of the book, plus a signed 1st edition hardback and the ebook edition.
$6,400  + shipping

Patron

Your name printed in the front of the book thanking you for your contribution, plus five signed 1st edition hardbacks and the ebook edition.

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Bad Romance is a collection of 19 short stories and a novella which are sharp as shots of vodka and poignant as your worst hangover. They tell of defiant single women in all shapes and sizes - of career girls, sisters, mothers and lovers, battling through sleepless nights, never-ending parties, grotesque flat shares and office nightmares.

These are super-short stories, ideal for anyone on the run who wants to be distracted from the daily commute by plunging into a vivid fictional world. This is a collection made for snatched moments – to be flicked through between deadlines, scrolled through in the bus queue on the screen of a smartphone, devoured along with lunch. Or, like a classic bedtime story, finished in that precious time between putting on pyjamas and collapsing into sleep. Each comic vignette may be read fast but will linger long in the mind.

Not for these heroines esprit d’escalier, recriminations and regrets: when one is left by her fiancé, she attends his wedding to her best friend, destroying the big day; when another is ostracised at a fancy dress party at a zoo, she gets drunk, absolutely determined to find a mate…

This is a book for fans of Roald Dahl, Saki, Fleabag and Sex in the City (when it was good and Mr Big was bad).



"Bad Romance is a collection of beautifully crafted short stories, a kind of Tales of the Unexpected for the modern single woman. Dark, hilarious and moving by turns, with wonderful twists, its vignettes will appeal to any woman who has ever had her heart broken. Emily is very funny but there is also an elegance and poignancy to her writing that renders this book both unforgettable and unputdownable.”

- Ariane Sherine, comedian and writer of BBC1’s My Family, BBC2 and BBC3’s Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps and Children’s BBC’s The Story of Tracy Beaker.

Buy

Quick select rewards

$35  + shipping
127 pledges

Hardback

1st edition hardback, and ebook edition
Choose this reward
$15 
97 pledges

Ebook

Ebook edition.
Choose this reward
  • Emily Hill avatar

    Emily Hill

    Emily Hill is 33 years old and wakes up alone. She lives in London and works as a journalist. In 2016, she was the commissioning editor at The Spectator, where many great writers have started out, including Anne Applebaum (who used to be deputy editor), Graham Greene (who was once literary editor) and Hilary Mantel (who was its film critic.) Last August, she was responsible for the magazine’s first ever all-female cover. Her interview with the feminist Camille Paglia was the most read article of the year (and – with half a million hits and counting - one of the most read articles in Spectator history.) Previously, she has written comment for The Guardian, books reviews for the New Statesman and features for the Mail on Sunday, as well as gathering gossip for the Evening Standard and profiling cult figures for Dazed & Confused. Emily is also a collage artist.

  • Julia's Baby

    Julia should not have come to the wedding. That much was clear as soon as she arrived. Late, she was, and massive in belly. Her hat festooned with tropical fruit; her dress — hideously colourful. She made the hinges shriek on the great church door and winced, as it slammed shut, with a shudder. Puffing out her cheeks, she waddled slowly towards the nearest pew. She had a fist jammed into the small of her back, as if she were expecting to give birth at any moment.

    Everyone turned round to stare. The vicar got confused, forgot his lines, began to stammer. The bride stood at the altar, in an ill-advised orgy of organza and tulle, said something no one heard. The groom started coughing and the best man also. A hissing came from the bridesmaids, taffeta skirts bristling, as they squirmed to get a better view. Someone, somewhere, committed a laugh.

    (You cannot remove heavily pregnant people from weddings, as a general rule.)

    Flushed, Julia did not appear to notice. She settled in at the back, stared up at the angels in the eaves. Felt her hat, caressed her bump, sang the hymns over-loudly.

    The wedding passed off as weddings usually do. Julia did not interrupt. If there were any just cause or impediment, Julia declined to mention it. The bride threw up her ornate veil, the groom seized and kissed her. The organ struck up in triumph. The wedding party swept down the aisle, plump in love, flawless with smiles. Everybody cried. Just as you’d expect.

    Read more...
  • Emily Hill has written 1 private update. You can pledge to get access to them all.

    12th December 2018 MERRY CHRISTMAS!

    A very quick update to thank you, once again, for making Bad Romance a reality. In February, The Spectator published this review & I am still in the process of verifying I am in fact awake... 

    https://www.spectator.co.uk/2018/02/emily-hill-is-the-saki-of-sex/ 

    In June, a special paperback edition was shipped out to 2000 subscribers of the book curating service Reading In Heels (special thanks…

    14th February 2018 HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

    Dearest Bad Romancers, 

    HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! 

    (LASHINGS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL.) 

    This is the last update I promise...

    One more gigantic THANK YOU to you all. This morning Oli reminded me that I did not dare hope we would be where we are today a mere 12 months ago when the crowdfunding started... But here we are... 

    Cheers especially to everyone who has dashed into a book shop, unearthed…

    8th February 2018 Bad Romance is now in bookshops!

    Dearest Bad Romancers, 

    Our book-baby is published today! 

    This means you can go and point at it in bookshops and 'say I put that there!' before forcing everyone in the whole store to buy a copy. (Never say I don't do anything for you...)

    It also means you can try to influence every book lover you know via social media as it is also now purchasable on Amazon. I would so appreciate your tweets…

    30th January 2018 Bad Romance will be published on Thursday 8th February

    Dearest Bad Romancers,

    Hopefully you have all received your books by now - thank you so much, once again, for pledging to make this happen, I really hope you're enjoying the read...

    If you are then (pretty) please:

    (a) TELL EVERYONE YOU HAVE EVER MET

    (b) ALSO ANY YOU HAVEN'T

    (c)  BEGIN EVERY CONVERSATION THUS:

    'HAVE YOU READ BAD ROMANCE? OH YOU HAVEN'T. WELL YOU MUST. SHALL I STEER…

    18th September 2017 Bad Romance: The Dating Column in Sunday Times' Style Magazine

    Dearest Bad Romancers, 

    I am writing to you with very encouraging book-baby news.

    She has finished her first pass (which means she's almost ready for print), she's got her front cover and her jacket, and then yesterday, quite unexpectedly, she started coughing up more words in the form of a dating column, which launched in the new-look Sunday Times Style magazine, brainchild of legendary former…

    15th May 2017 THANK YOU

    HEY YOU...

    WE DID IT!

    THANK YOU SO VERY, VERY MUCH FOR PLEDGING FOR BAD ROMANCE. 

    SHE  WAS BORN AT 21.51 FRIDAY 12TH MAY 2017. (MOTHER & BABY DOING FINE.)

    IF ANYONE WANTS FULL ACCOUNT OF BLOOD & GORE (A TALE OF SUPERFRIENDS, OLD FRIENDS, BRAND NEW FRIENDS & MATES IN THE PUB)... EMAIL ME: EMILY@3MILYHILL.COM OBVIOUSLY I WANT TO GO ON AND ON ABOUT IT.

    (THINK AM IN SHOCK. EXISTING IN A…

    12th May 2017 THREE DAYS TO GO & ONLY 4% MORE TO RAISE!

    Dearest Bad Romancers,

    A Super Friend called Klaas Jan Runia materialised like Hercules yesterday and (with another exceptionally kind and wonderful individual who shall remain nameless) shoved us up to 95% funded.

    Thanks to all those who pledged last night & today we're now at 96% - so we might actually make Bad Romance real within 90 days (we started on Valentine's Day and the 90 days is up…

    10th May 2017 FIVE MORE DAYS OF BAD ROMANCE... & COLLAGES!

    Dearest Bad Romancers,

    It's Day 85 of the 90 we were promised back on Valentine's Day - and our book is almost - almost ! - 88% funded. 

    SO FIRST OF ALL ...THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU...

    I've been told if we can just - somehow - drive the dial up to 90% that's when Bad Romance will start funding like magic as hordes of Unbounders appear so they can make sure their name in the back of a…

    26th April 2017 BAD ROMANCE: PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THREE QUARTERS FUNDED (& FREE POSTAGE UNTIL SUNDAY)!

    Dearest Bad Romancers, 

    Last week, just after I wrote the Easter update, my ace editor Katy Guest announced that if we got to 70% funded it would be yuuuuge because every previous Unbound book that reached that magic percentage went on to fully fund... So with Bad Romance it's no longer a question of IF it will be published - it's a question of WHEN... 

    Thanks to everyone who pledged last week…

    17th April 2017 BAD ROMANCE - THE PLEDGE PARTY

    Dearest Bad Romancers, 

    Thanks so much for your support - I'm trying not to barrage you with updates but here we go again...

    If anyone has any bright ideas as to how we make one more third please let me know... I'm open to any and all suggestions (alright I'm completely desperate)... I feel like we've got really far and yet I've run out of brilliant people like you to whom I can appeal directly…

    6th April 2017 With your help Bad Romance could soon become two thirds funded...

    Dearest Bad Romancers, 

    We are perilously close to reaching a landmark 200 pledges for our book (currently we're at 196) and are roughly 4% off 66.66% funded (which would mean Bad Romance becomes two thirds a reality). I'm failing with words because I keep fussing with my calculator... But I've figured out if all of you brilliant people could somehow compel just one other person each to pledge…

    16th March 2017 We're very nearly at 50% with our book Bad Romance!

    Hello my dear ones,

    So, last Sunday I was hopelessly miserable for reasons I shan't bother you with but then Ben Elton popped up on my supporters page and utterly revolutionised my Bad Romance life and now I'm so grateful to him - and you - for helping I'm not quite sure how to thank you all properly... 

    I was very excited to see all the new names that appeared straight afterwards (this means…

    16th February 2017 Thanks to all of you amazing peeps - Bad Romance is 16% funded!

    So it's been a really exciting few days. Unbound's Katy Guest has been tweeting like mad - explaining that she loves my book so much she even let me set fire to a wedding dress in her own garden... Ariane Sherine - the musical comedian who also contributed the music to my video (wearing a veil below) - has been promising to take her fans out for coffee if they pledge for Bad Romance. Her best friend…

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