Please note - this is Stuart Ashen's already published book. If you're looking for his new book, Attack of the Flickering Skeletons, you can find it here.
Video games are great! Except when they're not, of course. We've all bought a game and been utterly underwhelmed by it, dribbling buyer's remorse from every pore as we furiously shake our fist at the publishers responsible for releasing them. But have you ever bought a game so fundamentally awful that it was impossible to glean any enjoyment from it whatsoever? If so, I feel your pain, and if you'll allow me I'll also take your money and offer you a book in exchange.
Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of is a compendium of some of the most painfully bad games available for the European home computer market from the early eighties to the mid nineties, based on my YouTube series of the same name. Everyone's heard of E.T. for the Atari 2600 and Superman for the Nintendo 64, but these are almost nothing next to the abject incompetence of Count Duckula 2 on the Amstrad CPC. There are people who seriously believe that Shaq Fu is the worst fighting game ever made, having never experienced Dangerous Streets or Barravento on the Amiga. This book will blow their very soul apart. (Not a guarantee).
There's nothing from the NES, or indeed any other dedicated games console, in this book. It's all about the home computer market during a special time when tight deadlines, tiny budgets and precious little quality control allowed some of the most egregiously horrid games to leak into the shops. As the title strongly suggests you've probably never heard of these games - who wants to retread the same old things when there's so much new horror to be discovered?
Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of is meticulously researched and written with the dry humour you'd expect from a man who has somehow made a living by sticking rubbish on a sofa and talking about it. And it's not all from me - some people you may well have heard of will be telling us what their most disappointing game purchase was. Because, of course, there's nothing quite so entertaining as other people's misery.
If you'd like this book to exist in a tangible form, pledge now and ensure that the games mentioned inside receive the recognition and derision they deserve. Because they're terrible, they're old, and you probably haven't heard of them.
I'm going on a short book signing tour! Look, here's a picture giving you details and everything:
Do drop in if you happen to live near one of the centrally located places on our budget conscious route! You don't need to book or anything - just come along around the designated time. If you want one of the trade editions of the book for some reason, like your gran wants one for…
The end of waiting for the book, that is! Yes.
Last week I literally jetted over to Barcelona to see the first print run of the special backer editions. The quality is astonishing - all the screenshots are super-crisp and the black is really vivid. Which is important for screenshots of old games because a lot of them had black backgrounds with very little in the way of graphics on top...…
As you've probably guessed I'm currently writing the book! I'm not going to add anything else to that as I don't want to spoil any surprises for what's in it. But be assured the games will be old, terrible, and you probably won't have heard of them.
Speaking of surprises, I still can't quite get over just how many truly fun-free gaming experiences were inflicted on us between…
There hasn't been much to report other than "I am writing the book" recently. And you've probably guessed that. But! I've started to receive submissions from various EXCITING GUESTS who will be telling us about the most disappointing old game they ever paid money for. I'll be revealing some of these people over the next couple of months.
First up is one many of you have predicted …
These people are helping to fund Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of.