Thursday, 26 January 2017
Another little bit
Greetings, shed-dwellers - there are now 40 of us in here and we've now reached 10% of the total, and I'd like to thank you all for getting us this far. I said that when we reached 10% I'd provide another extract from the book, and so here it is. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if animals could talk? Of course; we all have. This extract occurs shortly after Adam has acquired his infinite wishes and is about to take his dog, Demon, for a walk:
'Come on, Demon,' I go. 'Let's go for a walk.'
At the sound of this magic word, Demon started capering round and chasing his tail and jumping up and down like a mad thing. So, we set off round the block, and Demon frisked about, sniffing things, 100% glad to be alive, and I almost felt a kind of envy. I mean, it was so easy to make him happy. I wished he could talk and tell me how it felt. I'd had this wish a thousand times, ever since I was a really little kid. But now, I suddenly realised, I could make it come true. So I was like, out loud, 'I wish you could talk, Demon.'
Demon raised his head from the tree he'd been sniffing at and turned and looked at me, and his mouth opened, and then he was like, in this gruff, snuffly voice, 'Aw, smell that. Get a load of that. Aw, that's lovely. That's that little Scottie down the road. Aw, she's a sexy little beast, she is. I'd give her one any day, I would. Aw yes, give her a portion all right, I certainly would give her a portion, know what I mean?' Then he sniffed at the tree trunk again. 'Aw, yes, aw, yes, get a load of that, what a sexy smell, I know who that is, that's the labrador opposite, saucy little bitch she is, saucy big bitch, I mean, but I like a bit of meat on a bitch, I'd give her a portion any day of the week, and that's official. Aw, who's this? It's that pit bull from number 37, thinks he's well hard, he does. He's not so hard, he'd better not try anything with me, that's all. I could take him out any day of the week, I'd chew the bastard's legs off, I would...'
'OK, OK,' I go, kinda hastily. 'I wish you couldn't talk any more.'
Demon fell silent. He carried on snuffling round the tree as if nothing had happened. I felt as if there was a lesson in there somewhere, but I couldn't work out what it was.
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