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Struggling to come to terms with being an adult? ABC for adults can help!

Postcard

6 pledges

Toby will send you a limited edition ABC for adults postcard all the way from Tottenham in north London

Hardback

67 pledges

First edition hardback and your name in the back of the book.

Signed hardback

62 pledges

Signed first edition hardback and your name in the back of the book.

Special edition smell-a-vision copy of the book

5 pledges

This very special version of ABC for adults contains a secret panel* containing an authentic 1970s secondhand bookshop aroma. Give it a whiff and transport yourself back back in time. Also, signed first edition hardback and your name in the back of the book.

*The secret panel is basically a piece of paper from a smelly old secondhand book glued into the front.

Limited edition postcard pack plus signed hardback

12 pledges

A signed first edition hardback, your name in the back, and a limited edition pack of 6 ABC for adults postcards.

Old man ringing you up to read you a bedtime story plus signed hardback

1 pledge

A strange perverted old man will phone you in the middle of the night and read you weird bedtime story.* Sleep tight and mind the bugs don’t bite.

*Not recommend if you are easily offended or suffering from a known heart condition. Plus a limited edition pack of 6 ABC for adults postcards, a signed first edition hardback and your name in the back of the book.

Special ‘nicked from the school library’ edition

5 pledges

This version of the (signed, first edition hardback with your name in the back) book contains a bespoke, handmade library card sleeve just like the ones from school. It will be personalised with your name so you can loan the book out to friends and fine them when they return it late. The b*stards!

Limited edition signed giclée print plus signed hardback

5 pledges

A signed, limited edition A3 giclée print of an image of your choice from the book. This conversation piece will look lovely above the fireplace. Each print is an edition of 100. You’ll also receive a signed hardback copy of the book, with your name in the back.

Signed hardback book with insulting drawing

6 pledges

Signed first edition hardback book with your name in the back, but Toby will also draw you a personalised insulting and tasteless cartoon using your initials as inspiration. If you’re easily offended this might not be for you.

Mega Mix ABC Jackpot!

2 pledges

If you’re after the full range of ABC for Adults experiences and treats in one mega mix bundle then look no further. You’ll receive a signed first edition copy of the book including your name in the back, an insulting cartoon by Toby drawn in the front, the smell-a-vision aroma whiff panel, the bespoke nicked from school library edition wallet, a pack of limited edition postcards, a signed giclée print, and a weird and perverted old man phoning you in the night to read you a bedtime story. Start your engines!

Have a really tasteless portrait made plus signed hardback

1 pledge

Toby will do a really grim and weird digital portrait of someone you hate in the classic 1970s style from ABC for Adults. The portrait will arrive as a signed A2 giclée print. Plus signed first edition hardback and your name in the back of the book

1970s pub Olympiad plus signed hardback

1 pledge

Take Toby on in an old-fashioned pub sports Olympiad. Pool, darts, table football, fruit machines, beermat flipping and many more ‘sports’ will make up this thoroughly non-athletic event. It will take place in a real East London boozer and the day includes a pint of ale per event, a slap up dinner, a bespoke ABC for adults commemorative beer tankard with your name on and set of bespoke ABC for adults depressing darts. You’ll also get a signed first edition hardback book with your name in the back. Start your engines!

(BFH* and accommodation are not included.) (*Bus fare home)

Tasteless 1970s hamper plus signed hardback

The signed, first edition hardback book with your name in the back comes in a one-off, really grim 1970s hamper containing an actual collection of bleak and depressing artefacts from quite possibly the most dreary decade in history.

Special edition bespoke page of book plus signed hardback

1 pledge

In this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, you will see the page of the book which correlates to your initials replaced with a specially drawn and deeply insulting portrait of you. T is for Tarquin. The page will be tipped-in and bound at the printers. In addition, Toby will draw you a personalised insulting and tasteless cartoon using your initials as inspiration. If you’re easily offended this might not be for you. On top of that he will also send you a limited edition pack of 6 ABC for adults postcards and a signed, limited edition A3 giclée print of an image of your choice from the book. This conversation piece will look lovely above the fireplace. Each print is an edition of 100. You’ll also receive a signed first edition copy of the original book and your name in the back of both copies.

Read with a friend

3 pledges

2 first edition hardbacks (shipped together) and 2 names in the back of the book