Sorry I haven't been around here much, folks.
You know how it is.
Covid. Kids. The day job.
Do it tomorrow.
Still, there it is, and here, as my son would say, I are.
First, a bit of housekeeping. We're still very much Full Steam Ahead. Thanks to all of you impossibly amazing people, we're on our way, but they're aiming for 2021 now, and so, so are we.
But yesterday should have been the heats of the Tokyo 2020 women's quadruple sculls. I think we could all do, for all sorts of reasons, with a bit of cheering up around now, so I'm going to take you back to August last year, and the reason that Jess - or her boat, at least - would have been right there on the start line.
It's the repêchage of the World Championships. Great Britain have been blown out of the water in their heat, China disappearing off to claim the win and the Olympic qualification spot that comes with it, and so here they are in the rep, where if they can finish in the top two, they'll be joining the Chinese in Tokyo.
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Off go Poland. Not a big surprise, given how consistent they’ve been over the past few years. They’re in the repêchage because they got pipped by the Dutch in their heat, but like it’s been since the start of the Olympiad, it’s Kobus-Zawojska at bow, Wieliczko at 2, Springwald at 3, Zillmann at stroke, and like they have done since the start of the Olympiad, they’re looking strong. The British crew have tried not to spend much time wondering about what to expect from other boats – keep it internal, just work on getting from A to B as fast as we can – and so while they’ve been talking for a while about trying to get into the race a bit more off the start, they’re no suggestion that they’re going to change their race plans because of any boat in particular.
So off go Poland. Out they step in front of the field, and they’re looking comfortable enough. 500 metres in, and Great Britain are in third, which is fine, and they’re more than in touch with the Americans, but it’s still third, and a B final where only the top two will be going to the Olympics, and where the pressure is going to be immense.
It’s Jess’s job to make the in-race calls, and it can be tricky in a position like this – push now, and will you have something left at the end? Push later, and risk giving yourself too much to do? The 500 into the 1k, and she’s holding her nerve.
Into the 1k, half the race gone, and Jess looks over, and whoa, hang on, they’ve got half a length on us now.
She’s been to that wash-up regatta they have in Olympic year. She was there in 2016, when she, and Ro, and Tina, and Holly missed out on Rio.
She’s come last in the rain in Belgrade, and she’s seen two of the crew that sat in that boat lose some of their best years to injury.
She’s seen an Olympic medallist come in to the project, give it a year and then head straight back out again, and [REDACTED - sorry y'all, you'll have to be patient].
She’s been through [REDACTED - yep, wait for the book], and rib injuries, and she’s catapulted herself over her handlebars.
But in front of her are Charlotte, and Mathilda, and Melissa, and they don’t know what’s going on around them, but they’re listening, and waiting, and she knows that they’re going to do what they tell her.
She’s not panicking. Or, at least, she’s doing her level best not to sound panicked, which is tricky given how she knows that this, right now, is the moment. This is the moment when they have to attack, when they have to go, because otherwise this is the moment when it could all just slip away.
And she calls for an attack. And they go.
And it’s not enough.
Not yet.
They’ve edged into second with 500 metres to go, but it’s impossibly close, and so they’re going to have to attack again. Oh fuck, here come the Americans. Here they come.
And there’s only one call.
Every bit of energy that Jess can spare.
“OUR OLYMPICS!”
400 metres. 300 metres. 200, and with every stroke, the American boat is closing.
“OUR OLYMPICS!”
To the line.
B-beep.
Two boats, eight women. One place on the plane.
Jess is vaguely aware that Jane, the coach, is screaming. Is this a good scream? Is it a bad scream? Does she even know yet?
And in the end, it’s [REDACTED - sorry again folks, this'll have to wait too].
“We’ve qualified.”
No, no, no. No we haven’t.
“It’s on the board.”
They’ve done it. By 0.2 seconds, they’ve done it. And right now, Jess is probably swearing a lot, and crying a lot, and thanking everyone in sight, and hugging them. But she can’t, in all honesty, remember a moment of it.